Going on a date with Robert P. Farnam is generally fun until the very end. That is when the check arrives and he has a heart attack. Indeed, cab rides can be equally stressful (so you might want to drive). According to Wisconsin police, Farnam is a habitual faker of heart attacks — timed to avoid having to pay for cabs, dinners, or other services.
Farnam latest date out started with a cab to Mayfair Mall, which ended at his destination and then an immediate heart attack. When the cabbie left, Farnam went into the Mayfair mall ordered and ate a sirloin steak, salad, mashed potatoes, a soda, a strawberry smoothie and a brownie at Applebees — and then had a heart attack rather than pay $22.66.
The problem is that the people at Wisconsin Heart Hospital had seen him before and decided to inform the police.
Farnam, 52, is now charged with fraud. The only good news is that it comes with two years and nine months of free meals — without the need for a coronary.
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I know someone this cheap! He made his daughter use “pre-owned” flowers at her wedding. That would be fine if there wasn’t any money, but he was loaded. Fortunately his children had developed a very sick sense of humor from living with him so long and all was well. I can’t believe he didn’t just take flowers from grave sites during the night. I guess you can’t think of everything! Mr. Pontius, RIP.
He thowed himself to the floor, flapped around, and clutched about like a holy roller on a fifth Sunday sing.
Alka-seltzer foam. Ad homily. Spoken Vogon, he did.
“Pre-owned” flowers…ha ha ha!