My hat’s off to you once again. Have you ever considered writing movie scripts? Or Novels? Just look at how a certain Mr. Brown made a fortune writing a book with an even more convoluted and less believable plot.

Very funny. Nice recap! Now no more nutmeg for you …

I think it was church. Yes, I remeber as a boy, coming home with mom and dad to supper. Every sunday, mom served custard sprinkled with nutmeg. The nutmeg smelled delicious. It took me to foreign lands–lands filled with strange noises, busy streets, bright colors. Places where people didn’t go to church. Places where they bought their spices and had them wrapped in paper cones. Nutmeg caused me to revel in my haullcinations. Now I realize it was my gateway drug.

One time dad and I were walking home from the game. During the songs I had to go to the bathroom, but dad told me leaving while people were singing about the greatness of America was a sin. My dad’s friend was with us. George saw me twisting in my seat and guessed the problem. He knew my dad wouldn’t let me leave but he knew I was desperate. He handed me his near finished beer. “Drink this kid and use the cup. Nobody’s gonna see ya when they’re singing the anthem.”

So I drank the beer, the beer George gave me. I didn’t have to go anymore. The smell was intoxicating, the foam on my chin, delightful. I was obsessed with it. The smell, the foam, the taste. All I could think about was how to get more.

Dad and I walked home. We passed the McDonald’s and I asked if they sold beer there. Dad was so angry with me. He demanded to know how I even knew what beer was. I told him, “Mr. Steinbrenner gave it to me.” But dad called me a liar and had me walk home alone to think over what I’d just said.

Next Sunday, the pastor sang his special song, “Healer” over me. Dad had talked to him about me. I overheard him telling mom he’d seen pastor with some strange magazines, but pastor had put them away quickly when dad walked in. Dad thought god might be testing pastor with those magazines…..

like what? finally getting caught again?

i live in the area. i am upset that he was on the road.

Nice one. A little North By Northwest thrown in with the forced drinking. I’ll buy it …

You are both right!

You’re thinking small. Try this one: The Right as represented by Vice President Cheney (a well known tool of the Free Masons), ordered that his special operatives kidnap Mr. Hunker and force him to drink a large amount of alcohol. Then at Mr. Cheney’s requested his alien allies replace a chunk of Mr. Hunker’s nose with a magnet with the polarity reversed to that of the natural human nose, further throwing off his sense of direction. Mr. Hunker was then placed in his own car and told that if he didn’t get home within 3 hours his family would be shot. Thus leaving him no option but to try and make it home in his inebriated state.

“it’s important to turn left into your driveway, not right into your neighbor’s house.”

Yes, but he did use his turn signal, so I give him credit. So few drivers do anymore.

god, get him off of the roads.