Have you considered replacing the communion wafer with a Chocolate Jesus?

Sure.

They didst beatifieth me, even though I didst beateth offeth.

If Bloomberg TV put out a broadside against Halloween, you can be that Michael Bloomberg would be held responsible.

NY Daily News: “Mayor to Trick or Treaters: Drop Dead!”

“All you Catholics, Bill, Meg, Mark, as well as you, Michael, get one thing straight. I run this church, not you, not the bishops or cardinals, not the laity — just me. If you don’t like it, go be an Anglican or something.”

****************

After reading your post I am, at long last, prepared to concede your infallibility. Can I be beatified now? LOL

The Jesuits publish a weekly called America, a Catholic version of New Republic or National Review. It is like Commonweal, except that priests, not laymen, run it.

Independent voice? Editorial freedom? Ha! A few years ago, I decided I did not like the editor, and I had his Jesuit ass fired. Go look it up.

All you Catholics, Bill, Meg, Mark, as well as you, Michael, get one thing straight. I run this church, not you, not the bishops or cardinals, not the laity — just me. If you don’t like it, go be an Anglican or something. I have read that 30 million Americans are now ex-Catholics, about ten percent of the entire population. I do not care. Let them go. I know I am right. I am well aware that there are a lot of ex-Catholics reading and posting at this very site. Beware – I know who you are.

Nice thing I found since I became Pope. Everyone laughs at my jokes. Did you hear this one? Protestants don’t recognize the Pope, the Pope doesn’t recognize the Protestants, Baptists don’t recognize each other at the liquor store on Friday night, and Catholics don’t recognize each other buying condoms in drugstore on Saturday night.

That one always kills in the Sistine Chapel.

It is nice being infallible, but it is too bad I am not infallible all the time, just when speaking ex cathedra on matters of faith and morals, and only twice so far, in 1854 on Immaculate Conception, and 1950, on Assumption of Mary into Heaven.

I sometimes wish that 95% of my followers did not disregard my teachings on contraception, but even I can’t send them all to Hell. Yet.

And I still hate Halloween. I ordered that no one give any treats to the costumed imps and devils last night. You know what the little pagan tricksters did?

They TP’d Saint Peters!

“The mayor BANNED the H1N1 vaccine in NYC!!! That f*ing scum!!!”
… when the New York Times prints an editorial questioning the safety of vaccines.

BTW, just when would the paper have last disagreed with me?

“The Cathedral Foundation

“L’Osservatore Romano

“Keep your fingers on the pulse of papal news, views and events with L’Osservatore Romano, the official voice of the Vatican.

“L’Osservatore Romano is the leading and most authoritative and comprehensive source for papal writings and activities. No newspaper in the world delivers the messages of the Holy Father directly to you.

“As your connection to the Holy See, L’Osservatore Romano:

* Provides a colorful, informative, weekly newspaper
* Gives immediate access to papal statements, apostolic letters and encyclicals
* Is a wonderful pastoral development resource
* Is the same (English or Spanish language) edition of “L’Osservatore Romano printed in Rome, delivered directly to you every week via U.S. Mail

“Special Web Offer
“New subscribers in the United States can purchase L’Osservatore Romano for just $109 a year (also available on CD). Additional subscriptions make great gifts! Back issues are available in limited quantities.”

http://www.cathedralfoundation.org/cflor3.html

“Halloween’s origins date back to the ancient Celtic festival of Samhein which marked the end of harvest and the beginning of winter, a time of year associated with death. The pagan Celts believed that on that night, the boundary between the worlds of the living and dead blurred, and the ghosts of the dead returned to the earth. It was a night for preternatural communication with the dead, various forms of divination and prophecy, and sexual rituals.

“By the 800s, the influence of the Catholic Church entered into Celtic lands. In the seventh century, Pope Boniface IV had already designated November 1 All Saints’ Day, a time to honor saints and martyrs. Later, the Church would make November 2 All Souls’ Day, a day to honor the dead. The eve of All Saints’, All Saints’, and All Souls were celebrated with big bonfires, parades, and dressing up in costumes as saints, angels, and devils.

“This was the wise way the missionary Church acted in face of this pagan feast that she transformed. She ordered the customs and habits that existed among a people to the Catholic Religion.”

So you see that you are wrong, Swine. The pagan feast did come before the Christian feast. The Vatican will fight all efforts of the modern pagans to regain and restore their ancient misguided rites and rituals.

Go Green!

Why . . . thank you.

Their own saint, Patrick, was not even Irish. He was a good Roman English boy who was enslaved by the wild Irish. But he got even with them. He went back and converted them all to the Church and they have not had an instant of happiness since. Ha!

Trick or Treat? I’ll give you a treat. Fifty million our fathers and fifty million hail marys, and then a good act of contrition. That’s your treat.

And read wiki: “L’Osservatore Romano (English: The Roman Observer) is the “semi-official” newspaper of the Holy See. It covers all the Pope’s public activities, publishes editorials by important churchmen, and runs official documents after being released.” It does run official documents. And “Acta Apostolicae Sedis”? Where are you writing from? A 13th Century monastery or convent?

http://www.sciencefriday.com/program/archives/200910306

“Can a researcher develop a consistent theory of undead neuroscience from a detailed study of zombie films? And are there psychological tips to surviving a zombie attack? We’ll talk with Steven Schlozman, an assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and a lecturer at the Harvard School of Education, a leading authority on the brains of the living dead.”

Better not show that black man n’ White wermen video too fur south of the Mason–Dixon line, though.

That is all.

I’ll quit wearing my pagan costumes when he quits wearing his, pointy hat and all.

I don’t expect I’ll be hearing back from his holiness (lower case intended) any time soon. He never writes anymore.

I wonder if it was something I said.

Since about 1917 deceit has been one of the largest industries in the U.S. and Britain, and who knows where else:

http://blogdredd.blogspot.com/2009/01/deceive-business.html

The gentle essence of putting on a mask and asking for candy is but a kind microcosm of the GRANDIOSE DECEIT macrocosm practised each and every day by Bullshitistan, the true name of most things newsiness; and the true name of the Land of Masks.

BTW, the mantra “power corrupts” (started by Lord Acton who was a catholic) began as an action against the notion of the infallibility of the Pope as a governor.

http://powertoxins.blogspot.com/2009/10/about-toxins-of-power.html

If we can’t put on masks you can’t put on bloomers.

That sounds like sour grapes from someone who couldn’t come up with a good costume idea

Turn in your condoms in the vestibule.

The church is on a “haters-welcome” recruitment binge. They’re trying to poach Anglicans who don’t like their women out of line and no gays of course. Why not go after the pagans as well?

Those are some well played words.

Since I’m probably not going to be around tomorrow, here’s my contribution to the inevitable Halloween song conversation…

Which one should I wear tomorrow night?”

Will there be death panels?

Then, he added, “And it may cost you your life. I mean, we don’t want to go down that path.”

From a religious perspective, it is a pagan holiday and so the Pope and some other Christians denounce it. Knowing its’ history I can understand that judgment. I believe from a Jewish and Islamic perspective it is also not so good. However, never underestimate the power of American advertising, where a buck is to be made and I can imagine JT shepherding his costumed brood around neighboring streets. Bah Humbug!.

On the other hand, is the dressed-up jack-in-the-box clown on the reader’s left-hand side, the Pope?

I will be relieved if right-hand is right and eternally damned if the left-hand is right.

———–

I could get behind Canals’ suggestion if the wine were served in those plastic skull or dismembered hand type goblets sold everywhere for a buck at Halloween, and the ‘bread’ was little sugar skulls, like Day of the Dead candies. And seconds on the wine.

So the pope is suggesting a new Catholic version of the holiday celebrated on the last night of October that focuses on prayer and attending mass? You got a problem with that? Will it now be called Holyween? Who knows–kids may prefer drinking the sacramental wine blessed by priests to eating accursed candy prayed over by witches.

That’s pro-Christian terror, fear and death. See the difference?