The Armor-Plated Yuppie: Columbian Designer Makes Bulletproof Polo Shirts

Colombian designer Miguel Caballero has the perfect accessory this year for that yuppie with everything: a bulletproof polo shirt. The 4-pound shirt at $4000 can stop an Uzi and is being marketed as the “Armani of bulletproof clothing.” Finally, all those yuppies who wore their polo collars up can claim to be nothing short of urban (lawn) warriors.

On various websites, customers can choose from various options:

OPTION IIA: 9mm / 40 Smith and Wesson FMJ
OPTION II: 9mm / .357 Magnum / 38 Super / Mini Uzi submachine gun
OPTION IIIA: Uzi machine gun / MP5,MP9 submachine gun / 44 Magnum SJHP / Stab-proof

Some sites state the price can go as high as $12,000 to make yourself into a yuppie tank.

Frankly, the stab proof option can come in handy at those rowdy lawn parties when Bif and Muffy start talking politics.

THe company claims such clients as”Steven Seagal, King Abdullah of Jordan, President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela, President Alvaro Uribe of Colombia, and Prince Felipe of Spain.” I can understand Seagal given the reaction of most people demanding their money back after seeing one of his movies. Likewise, the threat of a PETA hit on Felipe alone is enough to prompt the purchase.

However, just as you have to discern the difference between water-proof and water-resistant, the devil is in the details on bulletproof polo shirts. When pressed, a company general manager admitted “bullet-resistent” may be more accurate. It is not clear how it does on salsa stains.

Source: Smart Money

33 thoughts on “The Armor-Plated Yuppie: Columbian Designer Makes Bulletproof Polo Shirts

  1. Notice they do not suggest any protection from a round fired from a long gun. While kevlar can stop a .44 mag round out of a hand gun a .22LR from a rifle will penetrate it. So would that same .44 from a rifle, its all about velocity at that point. Thats why the military adds ceramic plates designed to stop rifle rounds. But that would be a bit bulky for an afternoon of gin and comas at the club.

  2. Might be useful for stopping low velocity rounds, but it’s still going to hurt like being hit by an enraged bull. Basically a polo flak jacket, not really bullet proof.

  3. I’m thinking that a .44 mag round to the chest or abdomen, even if bullet-proof, would cause some serious damage. I’m no expert, but I would think that if the material on these shirts is flexable then a bullet striking would have enough kinetic energy to cause some…oh, whats the word…serious internal bleeding. Getting stabbed with a broomstick might not puncture the skin but it can cause some severe organ damage of you hit anything but a limb.

  4. DrMike, you are correct. Even if the shirt stopped a large caliber round, it would be like getting hit with a baseball bat. I doubt seriously that such a shirt would stop many types of ammunition, but might reduce the tissue damage by slowing the round down as it penetrated the armor. There are many types of hunting ammo for long guns that would blow right through such a garment and exit the other side of the body. I have a .50 caliber Hawken rifle that shoots a gigantic Minié ball weighing a full ounce at more than 1,500 feet per second. I doubt seriously that this shirt would stop that, even though this is a rifle circa 1850.

  5. I707,
    Back in the day, they used Hawken rifles for hunting large game such as moose, elk, bear and buffalo. The .54 caliber was the most common Hawken bore, but the smaller .50 caliber is no slouch. It will drop a full grown bison bull in its tracks.

  6. As someone who’s treated someone shot center mass with a 12mm round from an Iranian made heavy machine gun, bullets freaking hurt when they hit, even through two shirts, a ceramic plate, kevlar, and the stock of a M4. That polo, even a 9mm handgun is going to feel like a baseball bat. Heavy caliber rounds will break ribs. High velocity rounds will treat it like tissue paper. The worst case is when a high velocity round DOESN’T penetrate the armor, but pushes the fabric and bullet into a wound. Those are almost always fatal, due to a wick effect, and the difficulty of isolating a sucking chest wound. Then there are issues with infection. If you are that afraid of getting shot, wear a real bullet proof vest under a shirt. They even make them with integrated liquid cooling these days.

  7. CLH,

    Sounds like somenone who’s been there.
    Proffs are you? We’re getting closer. When is your book gonna be published. As I vaguely remember (all is vague at my age) you speak a high level arabic, or was that somenone else.

    Or are you working at McD’s and doing the hero avatar here?
    Hee hee hee.

    BTW explain the wicking effect? Unless we are talking about major vessel trauma, and wicks would tend to aid like a compress instead. But never made it past reading it all as porno for those bitten by the medical bug.

  8. The polo shirt won’t do them any good if they get shot in the head. Most assassins use a 22 at close range. Does the trick rather nicely.

  9. CLH,

    Upon afterthought, a sucking chest wound would mean thorax cavity penetration. Hence diaphragm suction.
    Wouldn’t Saran wrap (don’t know what term is used nowadays, 44 years since boúght anything there) or equivalent plastic with adhesive airtight tape do for first aid?
    Of course lung damage worsens the outlook, then it is major surgery and bleeding risk in the little circuit.

    Why the term “center of mass” instead of an organ relative designation. Sounds weapon oriented to me.

    So how does a corpsman end up running a factory?

    Or were you on contract.

  10. ID707,

    Do you know why they use 22’s? Low velocity hollow points. High caliber bullets will go straight through. The low velocity 22 hollow points fragment inside the body and ricochet around tearing up the internal organs.

  11. Idealist- Proffs are you? We’re getting closer.

    Not quite tracking you there.

    Yeah, I’ve bee there and done that in a lot of different ways, and I tend to try and relate every story I hear to my military experience. It can get annoying, my apologies. As I’ve done absolutely nothing with my life worth mentioning outside that, I don’t bother using it as a reference. And my attention whore status does tend to make me go a bit overboard and try and state myself as an expert on everything.

    The wick effect was explained to me (and it may be better described as a venturi effect) as cloth entering the body as a result of the air pressure differential from a high velocity round. I believe they may have meant venturi effect, or perhaps the cloth pulling fluids into or out of a wound cavity. Maybe one of the nurses on here can comment.

    I do generally try not to lie, as no one here knows who I am, lying would be a bit silly. I don’t actually care. I use this forum as a way to practice my abysmal writing skills, and to observe how people react to certain positions. In other words, I troll, though for a good cause. And yes, I do speak Arabic at a professional level. I don’t read it very well. I studied Arabic and Farsi to get the bump in pay. I started my military career in August 1997. From Jan. 01 to Sep 07 I was deployed in a combat zone a total of four years, three months. I started out as AT (Aircraft Electronics Tech), cross rated to BM from there so go SWCC in 2000, tried for SEAL but didn’t meat medical requirements. I have engaged in actual combat fourteen times. I have been wounded four times, once by a knife, once by an IED, once by a bullet, and once by a fall (the fall ended my career). I have been assigned TAD to various units as a specialist in field repairs of aircraft and drones. I graduated from SMU with a degree in Mechanical Engineering this year. I took the LSAT last year, and I’ve been accepted to SMU and UT law schools- I was going to SMU, now I’m doing UT (much, much cheaper thanks to the Hazelwood Act) and may end up dropping it altogether. The job market ain’t pretty for lawyers. I’m not exactly rolling in the money now, but it beats all heck out of being unemployed. I’ve been doing factory work for the last two years.

    Now you have my bio of note. Not trying for the hero avatar, I promise, I’m just a bit mono-sourced.

  12. CLH,

    You spelled “meat” wrong. I passed the Navy SEAL fitness test when I was in boot camp, but they wouldn’t let me apply because my uncorrected vision didn’t meet the standards. I never fired a single round of government ammunition.

  13. CLH,
    Glad I finally teased you from cover. Was sure you were with the company or a contract killer or ?????.
    Such are the ignorants fantisies. Charming is not a word to be used between men, I guess, but your frankness with

    self-appelations like “attention whore” is very appealing in this place with folks who for the most hide themselves. I stand with Matt (he’s trying to steal you from me, hee hee hee.) that never fired a round in anger in my case. Being a project officer made that so it was. Did test lots of electronic surveillance equipment in the field.

    As for combat would say you are highly qualified, fourteen missions and four wounds all by different ways. I guess the one with the knife is no longer living.

    Well relate all you want is my opinion. Don’t think we have many equally qualified here. You lost me with the alphabet stuff, my service ended in 1962. Can guess TAD is temp attachment duty, like TDY but different.
    BM???? SWCC??? I also opted for extra pay, but signing up for flying as tech observer with equipment to run was lots easier than learning arabic AND farsi. You must be shitting us. What’s a air electronics tech (drones?) doing gettin knifed on his umpteenth combat mission?
    And arabic and farsi are widely different. Or both native speakers will insist so. Even the arabs don’t respect each others pronounciation. Morroco vs Lebanon, for ex.

    And why languages?

    Sounds like you don’t have PTSD, ´Hope that is right. And obviously are re-integrating well with degree from Southern Methodist U. and considering law at Univ. of Texas.

    Impressive. You never mentioned rank. From your words and persona here you would do well as an officer.
    But again formal qualification issues. Ridiculous.
    Did anyone ask Lafayette, you know the frenchman who helped Washington, if he’d gotten a college degree? Nope.

    I know the venturi effect, from the application of pulling a vacuum of 100,000 meters above sea level.

    The high velocity bullet would make a tunnel so quickly that the air from outside the body woul not fill it before the suction on surrounding tissues would take effect. How far into the surrounding tissue is beyond my guessing.

    I write extensively, but you seem to command both short and long modes. Hope to hear more war stories. But do it as you will. There must be personal limits there too.

    BTW, we tested a radar that could detect soldiers carrying rifles at night at quarter mile range. That was in 1961. Surely all fixed perimeters must be guarded in such a fashion now, or with IR laser return rays detection. You’re a tech, but no secrets now.

  14. CLH,

    I ain’t your Pa or your Ma as Dylan would say, but as an engineer and a practicing international marketeer I would say that being a lawyer sucks. Great for Perry Mason (before your time) and others but reality sucks I believe.

    The only thing that keeps them in demand and not replaced by computers is the human-human interface and the bureaucratic system factor. So much to learn and so little chance to use it or keep it up to date. Thus the extreme specialiation. Finding new niches must be the challenge. Like the new lawyer (see “Outliers”) that developed the field of takeovers and mergers for the first time. Not white shoe and he was on his own.

    Talking through my hat of course. Never seen anything but a few defense attorneys offices. Smile. ;)

  15. leejcaroll 1, June 12, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    Might be a good shirt from the kid from the other post if he decides to wear the rosary to school
    ==================
    What other post? Do you want the other kid to wear a gang sign to school? Why don’t you try it?

  16. leejcaroll,
    l
    Oh really. So he had a cancer-ridden grandmother. Do you think he might get shot anyway? Do you have anymore clicks to cite?

  17. Matt, I am never nasty here but you are an ass. read the article and the comments by all. The issue was not grandma. Maybe you need to take a course on logical reasoning and reading comprehension.

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