95% of the time these type of stories are such that I can hear the tiny violin playing the saddest song, but this one was legitimate.

He said he got drunk at one of the city’s bars and was walking home. It was just after dark, probably around 9:00. He said he had to pee but he wasn’t able to hold it back before he got home so he walked behind what he thought was a hidden place behind a dumpster. He didn’t realize in his drunken state that he was visible to people driving by.

A woman passing by, with her pre-teenage daughter inside, saw this happening and telephoned 911. One of the city officers responded and the woman was adamant about him being arrested for indecent exposure. The city officer found the man and hooked him up for indecent exposure. In our state doing this to someone under 14 is an enhancement and can trigger sex offender status.

The man told me that he knew what he was doing was wrong but he didn’t believe he should go to jail over it and said he would just rather pay a ticket and be done with it. He then said he didn’t want to be made into a sex offender for this.

Then, one of the crooks in the back of the van overheard him say sex offender and indecent exposure and started making bravado threats like “we’ll be waiting for you when you get back to jail.” and “I hate child molesters.” taunting the man. Even though I told the other guy to shut up or I would hook him up for Harassment, the muttering was still there and it was making it difficult for the other man.

As I was pulling into the parking lot all I could think of was how BS this whole thing was. When I got them into the courtroom and he was on the stand while the judge read the information to him on the charge, I swear to you it took everything I had to not just speak up in the court and tell the judge this was garbage; this whole thing being blown completely out of proportion. I couldn’t understand why he was just not written up for Urinating in Public with a $100.00 fine. No, rip the guy apart to please mommy and her daughter.

Luckily before I broke decorum, either the judge or the city attorney ( I was not watching) brought up that “Maybe he could just be charged with Urinating in Public” and the city attorney asked for a postponement of arraignment until “negotiations could take place” (i.e. make this go away).

Finally, some reason. But on the trip back, the other inmates started taunting this guy. I had to have the jailers segregate the two for the man’s safety. All of this when he could have just been instead written a ticket and not have that scarlet letter put on him.

So after that long backstory. When asked what I would think of this particular man making a fool of himself, the elephant noise and the UIP. He’s a lot more outrageous that the man in my story, but it is one thing to make an ass of oneself but it is not worth jailing someone over and possibly making them register as sex offenders.

Surely people want to have an enjoyable and normal life being downtown with their children without having to suffer this type of inane behavior. But writing someone a criminal charge for that is too much in my view. Just write him a civil infraction ticket, I think $100 or so dollars is a reasonable sanction. It’s not like he was trying to sexually assault someone.

By the way, here’s a honey badger.

He’s not dealing with his drunkenness, nor with his history of public exposure nor respecting his previous light treatment by the court.

A medium stint residing ‘at the governor’s pleasure’ (aka jail) would separate him from his alcohol and give him lots of time to ponder his behavior.

Because honey badger just don’t care.