It appears “parley” is recognized by both pirates and cats.

This could be the greatest or shortest negotiation in history.

Cats have long resented the monopoly of dogs in animal law enforcement.

This would be an even better story if the cat was trained by the owner in the truck for such an occasion.

It was probably not the reptile logo on an Izod shirt that gave Michael Plank, 40, away at the Los Angeles International Airport. It was more likely the 15 live lizards strapped to his chest under the shirt, including 11 skinks.

Customs agents lifted Plank’s shirt only to find two geckos, two monitor lizards and 11 skinks — another type of lizard fastened to his body.

The Australian reptiles are strictly regulated and worth about $8,500. He could get as much as 20 years for such smuggling, though a much lower sentence is usually meted out in such cases.

We have recently seen similar smuggling cases with passengers found crawling with reptiles, here.

For the full story, click here.

You cannot trust anything today. After generations were taught how the little pig who built his house out of straw was negligent, a straw house has not only been built in England but it has even passed the industry standard fire safety test. Called the Balehaus@Bath, it is built of pre-fabricated straw-bale and hemp sections and would resist the most determined, wind-blowing wolf.

In the test, the Balehaus@Bath was exposed to temperatures above 1,000C and passed. It is not only an answer to wolf-phobic pigs, but nonrenewable building materials.

The ModCell BaleHaus system has been created by White Design in Bristol and Integral Structural Design in Bath.

This requires some revision of the story:

The first little pig built his house out of straw because it was the [ENVIRONMENTALLY RESPONSIBLE] thing to do.
. . .

One night the big bad wolf, who dearly loved to eat fat little piggies, came along and saw the first little pig in his house of straw. He said “Let me in, Let me in, little pig or I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house in!”

“Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin”, said the little pig.

But of course the wolf [COULD NOT BLOW THE HOUSE DOWN AND INSTEAD WAS INVITED IN FOR A VEGAN MEAL EATEN ON HAND-BLOWN NATURAL PLATES].

It loses something in translation, I admit.

This may also complicate our annual trial for elementary students, here.

For the story, click here.

With the increased use of tasers on humans, it was perhaps inevitable that the crustacean set would demand their own stunning device. Simon Buckhaven of CrustaStun has developed a system that allows lobsters to be zapped to death in a device rather than boiled alive. It was such a breakthrough that PETA organized a lobster dinner fundraiser with lobsters dispatched with the CrustaStun device. The problem is that the machines were lost in transit and PETA had to boil hundreds of lobsters alive.

Buckhaven developed the machine to appease animal rights advocates who like lobsters but not the method of cooking.

The machines cost about $3,500 and looks like a microwave with a lid.

They also have an industrial version for $100,000 or more.

If you cannot afford that price, you can always report the lobster in your home as “unruly” and Fort Smith police will take it from there — be sure however to have butter ready by the time the cruiser arrives.

For the full story, click here.

A federal judge in New Orleans has found “monumental negligence” by the U.S. Army’s Corps of Engineers in the operation and maintenance of a shipping channel called the Mississippi River Gulf Outlet. The finding allows residents to collect damages against the U.S. government after their homes were swamped by Hurricane Katrina’s floodwaters in 2005.

U.S. District Judge Stanwood Duval rejected the government’s argument that the Corps was immune from liability and had properly maintained the navigation channel. The court specifically cited the Corps’ decision to widen the channel and allow the loss of protective wetlands as contributors to the disaster.

Duval awarded damages of about $720,000 to four people and a business in the case.

The immunity issue is likely to be appealed. Usually the government has immunity in areas where it exercises discretionary judgment or authority. A government official is allowed to be wrong and even moronic. The burning of the compound in Waco Texas is an example of such broad discretion. Few experts agreed with Janet Reno’s decision to send in a tank to charge a building filled with children and religious fanatics, but the courts still recognized immunity for officials.

For the full story, click here and here.

John Green 50, has attained the novel status of being banned from keeping dogs for ten years. Green’s victim was a Dalmatian named Barney, who he overfed to the point that he weighed “11 stone” — a stone is roughly the equivalent to 14 pounds. This made Barney look like he ate the other 100 Dalmatians.

Barney is now a slim 4 stone dog. It appears that Green allowed Barney to eat whatever he ate including chips and chocolate. The reference to chocolate threw me because I was always told that chocolate was toxic for dogs. It is. However, it takes, on average, about 100-150 mg/kg of the toxic element in chocolate, theobromine, to cause a toxic reaction. Milk chocolate contains 44 mg of theobromine per oz.

RSPCA inspectors raided Green’s home and took Barney. They then hit Green with the penalty for what was viewed as animal cruelty. Green confessed to animal cruelty and was also ordered to complete 200 hours of unpaid work.

RSPCA inspector Rachel Andrews noted: “With Christmas just round the corner it might be tempting to overfeed them, but it’s important to remember that those extra pounds can have a huge impact on their comfort, health and well-being.” Well, yes, but I want to know how Andrews got Barney to drop from 11 to 4 stone and whether he is willing to place me in protective custody after Christmas on the same canine slim fast program.

By the way, England’s Animal Welfare Act mandates that overfeeding a cat or dog can result in a fine of up to £20,000 or even 12 months’ jail.

For the full story, click here.

In North Buffalo, Pennsylvania, Randy Good has created a novel and disgusting nuisance. He has agreed to remove a pile of hundreds of dead deer from his property which has neighbors gagging from the odor.

In torts, we often debate what constitutes a nuisance. This would appear to satisfy even the most restrictive definition. Randy Good has a contract with the state to remove dead deer from the side of roads within 24 hours. That results in a daily collection of 50 to 100 dead deer which often end up on his property as a rotting heap.

Good insists that “Everyone has a job. This is part of it.” However, he has agreed to remove the pile of dead deer — a wise move.

For the full story, click here.

It appears that the recent popularity over new hybrid dog breeds (like Labradoodles) has spawned a more dangerous market for hybrid dog/wolf pups. Animal activists are warning about the potential for attacks. Moreover, the new breeds could still be illegal in some states and may expose owners to strict liability.

In torts, we often discuss the liability associated with the possession of wild animals, particularly wolves (which are popular with many pet owners). State laws not only prohibit such ownership but sometime prohibit half-breeds — animals that are half dog and half wolf.

The hybrids have become the rage in the United Kingdom, which allows ownership if the pups are three generations removed from the wild animal. They sell for £5,000 — creating a serious market for breeders (including some who may not wait for three generations to pass).

They are often cross bred with German shepherds, akitas, malamutes, huskies and other large breeds.

Beverley Cuddy, editor of Dogs Today, insists that “[t]o live in a domestic situation with a part-wolf is insane . . . Hybrids are a potential disaster area.”

These owners may find this to be an expense habit in the United States where wild animals are subject to strict liability. Even domesticated animals are held to such a standard if they have known vicious propensities. While many have heard of the “one free bite”rule, it is a bit of a misnomer. You do not get one free bite with a dog if you knew or should have known about its vicious nature or breed.

For the full story, click here

Proof that dogs are too smart to pay $10,000 to sweat to death in a self-help program, here.

However, the Fandangle tribe is likely to sue this pooch for property infringement.

The agony of defeat . . .

The fact is that if this kitten actually made this jump, there would be an immediate steroid controversy.

A New Jersey judge has ruled at a quadriplegic must be allowed to buy a gun for hunting, which will be mounted on his wheelchair and fired by blowing into a tube. James Cap has been paralyzed for 30 years after an injury in a high school football game.

Manville New Jersey Sheriff Mark Peltack had opposed the purchase on public safety grounds. The shotgun will be mounted on his chair and he will literally blow away deer with an air tube attached to the weapon.

Superior Court Judge John Pursel disagreed and, in signing the order, told Cap “I hope you enjoy the use of your firearm.” The judge did require Cap to have qualified people assist him with weapons.

Gun-rights advocates fought for almost three years to win the case.

Recently, gun advocates made remote hunting available for handicapped hunters, who can shoot deer and other animals on the Internet, here. However, there is a move to ban Internet hunting, here.

For the full story, click here.

It appears that you have missed your chance to participate in the annual Dead Rabbit Throw competition in New Zealand. Animal welfare activists seem to have found it somehow distasteful to have families try to throw dead rabbits the farthest.

The annual “Rabbit Throw” was held in the town of Waiau but was cancelled after a concerted campaign by the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA). Organiser Jo Moriarty claims banning the bunny contest is “political correctness gone mad”.

One of the charity’s inspectors, Charles Cadwallader, asked: “Do you throw your dead grandmother around for a joke at her funeral?” Organizers are now looking into Cadwallader’s suggestion. (The idea of synthetic bunnies is not appealing to the rabbit-tossing set).

For the full story, click here

I give you this moment of starlings zen.

I suggest that you watch this video before facing rush-hour traffic.

Here is another hypnotic video of Starlings in Scotland:

Families got a bit too real of a zoological lesson at the National Zoo this week when a deer somehow jumped into the wrong exhibit: the lion enclosure. Nature took it from there.

The deer was from the nearby park. For those who do not live in Washington, we have a great population of deer and it is not uncommon to see them walking along the roads and highways.

The crowd was cheering on the deer but the two female lions took the opposing view.

For the story, click here

The look on this dog captures the meaning of Halloween.

It is not clear if this is a compliment or a warning from the owners.

This must be a mother horse.

Fortunately, the girl in the video was not injured but this horse appears to be teaching her a lesson about proper equine etiquette.

This is a lesson that some adults have had to learn on occasion:

Kenneth Herron may have picked the wrong cage but apparently the right counsel. Herron was acquitted of “disturbing dangerous animals” on a novel defense by deputy public defender James Conger. Conger argued that the bears were actually not that disturbed when Herron came into their cage after the San Francisco Zoo closed.

Herron, 21, was facing a misdemeanor charge for entering the zoo on September 26th. He went into the cage with two 500-pound grizzlies. One bear sniffed Herron’s shoe but then fled when a zoo official fired a warning shot. Conger argued that one bear sniffing a shoe does not a disturbed grizzly make.

This is a disturbed grizzly defending against a real cougar (as opposed to a conger).

Notably, this is not the first controversy involving humans versus animals at the zoo, here.

The jury agreed with Conger and found no disturbance. Moreover,
Superior Court Judge Wallace Douglass ruled the day before that a trespassing charge against Herron could not proceed because the prosecution couldn’t prove that he intended to “occupy” the cage — particularly given his mental problems.

In the end, Conger proved that a 150 pound lawyer is more dangerous than two 500-pound grizzly bears.

For future cases, here is a zoological expert on the bear necessities of life:

For the full story, click here.

In Syracuse, New York, Rascell Williams is looking at a curious charge for a horrible crime. Williams, 28, is charged with hanging his girlfriend’s four-month-old kitten with a belt and making a video of the animal struggling. It was discovered by the girlfriend, Joanne Cichy, the day after Halloween and turned over the police.

Cichy says that she found the images on her digital camera showing the kitten struggling before going motionless. The video shows Williams stepping in and out of the video. The kitten was later found under the porch alive later.

Williams can obviously be sued for intentional infliction of emotional distress. It is the criminal charge that is interesting. It is unjustifiable animal cruelty. “Unjustifiable” animal cruelty seems to suggest that there is justifiable animal cruelty. Yet, it is a charge raised in other cases, here and here. The New York code does have one provision referring to unjustifiable injury to animals:

353. Overdriving, torturing and injuring animals; failure to provide proper sustenance
A person who overdrives, overloads, tortures or cruelly beats or unjustifiably injures, maims, mutilates or kills any animal, whether wild or tame, and whether belonging to himself or to another, or deprives any animal of necessary sustenance, food or drink, or neglects or refuses to furnish it such sustenance or drink, or causes, procures or permits any animal to be overdriven, overloaded, tortured, cruelly beaten, or unjustifiably injured, maimed, mutilated or killed, or to be deprived of necessary food or drink, or who wilfully sets on foot, instigates, engages in, or in any way furthers any act of cruelty to any animal, or any act tending to produce such cruelty, is guilty of a misdemeanor, punishable by imprisonment for not more than one year, or by a fine of not more than one thousand dollars, or by both.

Nothing herein contained shall be construed to prohibit or interfere with any properly conducted scientific tests, experiments or investigations, involving the use of living animals, performed or conducted in laboratories or institutions, which are approved for these purposes by the state commissioner of health. The state commissioner of health shall prescribe the rules under which such approvals shall be granted, including therein standards regarding the care and treatment of any such animals. Such rules shall be published and copies thereof conspicuously posted in each such laboratory or institution. The state commissioner of health or his duly authorized representative shall have the power to inspect such laboratories or institutions to insure compliance with such rules and standards. Each such approval may be revoked at any time for failure to comply with such rules and in any case the approval shall be limited to a period not exceeding one year.

Either way, of course, he fits this definition from any number of ways. The cat proved to have more lives but he is likely to be less fortunate.

For the full story, click here

Ok, I will be the first. Yes, I raided the kids’ bags last night for snickers, but Leslie did the same for Heath bars.

We have assembled a record of candy collection in our house. (Yes, we decided not to offer the kids the Vatican’s offer of an alternative fun mass). We persisted even in the rain last night to pick the neighborhood clean. Our house had the usual waves of trick-or-treaters: cute toddlers at 7, energetic adolescents at 8, and then the army of barely dressed burned out teenagers at 9 (including one who just showed up with tin foil on his head). That is the problem when you are known as a source of the Cadillacs of Candy: snickers and Peanut Butter cups.

Norwegian police had a bit of a surprise when they noticed something moving on the body of a 22-year-old man getting off a ferry. They found a tarantula in a bag during a routine stop and then in a strip search discovered 14 royal pythons and 10 albino leopard geckos taped to his body. This was without the use of baggy pants, here.

The man had taped the snakes in 14 socks to his body. They then found 10 cans taped to his legs, each containing a lizard.

According to Helge Breilid at Kristiansand customs the tip off was not hard to spot: “Customs officers quickly realized the man was smuggling animals, because his whole body was in constant motion.”

The walking reptile house was arrested for illegal smuggling.

For the full story, click here

In Iowa City, Jared Colony, 28, has been charged with aggravated cruelty to animals after giving a puggle puppy named Pip vodka in its bowl as a joke with friends.

When the friend returned after 30 minutes, the 4-month-old puppy was barely breathing and Colony reportedly laughed “Pip’s just a little drunk right now.” Nice.

Here is the Iowa provision:

A person is guilty of animal abuse if the person intentionally injures, maims, disfigures, or destroys an animal owned by another person, in any manner, including intentionally poisoning the animal. A person guilty of animal abuse is guilty of an aggravated misdemeanor. This section shall not apply to any of the following:

1. A person acting with the consent of the person owning the animal, unless the action constitutes animal neglect as provided in section 717B.3.

2. A person acting to carry out an order issued by a court.

3. A licensed veterinarian practicing veterinary medicine as provided in chapter 169.

4. A person acting in order to carry out another provision of law which allows the conduct.

5. A person taking, hunting, trapping, or fishing for a wild animal as provided in chapter 481A.

6. A person acting to protect the person’s property from a wild animal as defined in section 481A.1.

7. A person acting to protect a person from injury or death caused by a wild animal as defined in section 481A.1.

8. A person reasonably acting to protect the person’s property from damage caused by an unconfined animal.

9. A person reasonably acting to protect a person from injury or death caused by an unconfined animal.

10. A local authority reasonably acting to destroy an animal, if at the time of the destruction, the owner of the animal is absent or unable to care for the animal, and the animal is permanently distressed by disease or injury to a degree that would result in severe and prolonged suffering.

11. A research facility, as defined in section 162.2, provided that the research facility performs functions within the scope of accepted practices and disciplines associated with the research facility.

I assume this is being argued as “poisoning” though it would also fit under “injure.” An aggravated misdemeanor is punishable by up to two years in prison and a fine of up to $5,000.

For the story, click here.

On this Sunday, let us not forget the simple pleasures.

Who needs a sleep comfort number when you have a perfect teddy?

There are some who remind us of the virtue of restraint.

I am not sure if this is the world’s calmest dog or the world’s bravest chick — or both. I will go with both.

There has long been tension between animal activists and religious adherents over the sacrificing of live animals. Jewish and Muslim leaders have long argued that the sacrifices are not any more painful than what occurs in slaughter houses. Now a study is challenging that assumption and leading to calls in England for a ban on live sacrifices.

Animal protection laws in the UK required the stunning of animals before slaughter but exempt live religious sacrifices. Both Islamic halal and Jewish kashrut law require that animals are slaughtered by having their throats cut. The animal must be alive to allow blood to drain freely — a relatively slow death for the animal. Conversely, the Sikh ritual – chatka – is a fast death caused by a sword.

A study by New Zealand’s Massey University tested animals to detect pain responses and found that Jewish and Islamic methods caused pain within two minutes following the cut, but the animals would fall unconscious after 10 to 30 seconds. They concluded that the ritual slaughter was “painful” — a conclusion that many would find obvious, but it has legal significance since religious advocates have always argued that there was little pain.

Adam Rutherford, an editor of Nature, wrote that the study shows that “the anachronism of slaughter without stunning has no place in the modern world and should be outlawed. This special indulgence to religious practices should be replaced with the evidence-based approaches to which the rest of us are subject.”

Animal advocates are now calling for the UK to follow other European countries to require stunning before slaughter.

I assume that the researchers will now move on to the ritual of Kapparot, where a fowl is held by the neck and swung around the head for Yom Kippur — a sacrifice that is generally not viewed as “chicken friendly.”

For the full story, click here.

In light of our disturbing Bunny Briquettes story, this video shows that rabbits are useful for many things beyond combustible fuel. Indeed, Sweden may want to consider dispersing its excess rabbits to offices as letter openers.

The FBI alone could use this army of mail opening Leporidae.

Other office rabbits are been seen, here and here.

City officials in Stockholm are feeling the heat over rabbit fuel. The city relies on green technology, including biofuel to reduce pollution and global warming. So, when thousands of rabbits had to be culled from Sweden’s parks and streets, they were used as fuel in the city heating plant. Now, people are hopping mad, but officials are having “burn, bunny, burn.”

The rabbits are foreign invaders and have no natural predators. That is no predator except Tommy Tuvunger, one of the hunters, who estimates that roughly 10,000 rabbits have been killed. Once killed, they are frozen for eventual shipping to the heating plant in Karlskoga.

The plant has developed a new method for converting animal waste into fuel which involves crushing, grinding, and then pumping the remains with a mix of wood chips for burning. Presto! You have bunny briquettes.

For the full story, click here.

Many of us have felt like this at work.

You would never find a cat doing something like this.

There is an interesting potential torts case out of Arizona where two people died and 19 people were injured as part of a “sweatbox” ceremony reportedly led by James Arthur Ray, author of the best-selling book “Harmonic Wealth: The Secret of Attracting the Life You Want.”

The sweatbox is a dome structure covered in tarps and blankets in the Arizona desert. The participants had spent two hours in the sweatbox when authorities were called.

The dead participants were described as “a middle-aged man and woman.” Such ceremonies present an obvious risk to people who may not be able to deal with the physical stress of the high temperatures in a sweat hut. The dome is located in Angel Valley Resort which bills itself as “a place to relax and heal … where powerful earth energies are present and active.” The resort claims to have “twenty marked vortexes and angel sites to experience connection with Earth and spirit, deep relaxation, and balancing,” including “two labyrinths and an Angel Wheel for going inward, finding answers and getting insights.”

Ray boasts that he appears regularly on CNN’s “Larry King Live” and the “Oprah Winfrey Show” in spreading his message of spiritual healing. He tells followers that “[y]our gut instincts tell you life is not really meant to be a struggle, yet you’ve been brainwashed to think that only sweat and hard work will get you where you want to be. Here’s a better way…” That way appears to be in a sweat hut for some.

Notably, the resort itself holds tax-exemption as a religious organization with the IRS, but that will not protect it from lawsuit. Presumably, this new age religion has some old-age waiver forms. However, there remains some serious questions of how so many people could fall ill in only two hours in a sweat lodge without gross negligence. The resort promises that its activities “can assist in making profound changes in your life.” For at least two people, that was undeniably true and I expect many will find that their own “path” leads to the door of a personal injury lawyer.

For the full story, click here.

The Gaza zoo had a problem. They were missing two things: zebras and the money to buy them. The solution came in the form of some masking tape, paint, and two confused donkeys.

Nidal Barghouthi, the son of the owner of the Marah Land zoo, said the two female donkeys had to go a couple times into makeup before they were ready from their close up. However, he insisted “[t]he children don’t know so they call them zebras and they are happy to see something new.”

He noted that the cost problems are due to the Israeli blockade of Gaza. It turns out that using one of the smuggling tunnels is really expensive when you are transporting zebras underground. It drives the cost up to $40,000 a zebra. However, they can now advertise: “Masking tape: $3; Paint: $5 . . . instant Zebra: priceless.”

For the full story, click here

The line of countries asking for handouts as part of the global warming agreement included a curious member: the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Saudi Arabia is concerned that if environmentalism should ever break out, the Kingdom could suffer. Accordingly, they are quietly asking that the KSA not be forgotten in the list of needy nations.

An International Energy Agency report this week showed that OPEC revenues would increase $23 trillion between 2008 and 2030 — a fourfold increase compared to the period from 1985 to 2007. However, the Saudis insist that those figures are “biased” and do not account for the KSA’s status as a fragile economy. Of course, they also do not account for the prolific spending of the Royal family, here. Of course, payments from the impoverished family can be slow, here.

Saudi Delegate Mohammad S. Al Sabban pointed out that Saudi Arabia would lose $19 billion a year starting in 2012 under a new climate pact and “[w]e are among the economically vulnerable countries.” Recognizing that this would not go over well, he added “[t]his is very serious for us.”

He noted that the KSA is still a developing nation and any global agreement “means you will transfer the burden to developing countries, especially to those highly dependent on the exploitation of oil.”

In other news, below is the new KSA national anthem:

For the full story, click here.

Talk about global warming. Astronomers have located a bizarre planet named COROT-7b where rocks form in clouds and fall to the ground — which is so hot that it melts rocks.

As on Earth, finding the right place on COROT-7b is all about “location, location, location.” The orange dwarf star is in the constellation Monoceros and is about twice the size of Earth. However, it is 23 times closer to its Sun, resulting in fantastic temperatures. Because it is gravitationally locked, it does not rotate — resulting in one side remaining in the darkness at 50 degrees above absolute zero. Absolute zero is −459.67° on the Fahrenheit scale so the temperature on the dark side is a chilling -409°.

That, however, is still better than the balmy side, which reaches 2,800C. That is a bit over what we would consider tropical. More like hellish.

What is most interesting is the rain. Due to the high temperature, the rock surface melts into a molten soup. When “cold fronts” move in, the rocky vapor turns to small stones and pebbles in the clouds and fall to the ground and “lava oceans.”

When Willard Scott has nightmares, this is the place he dreams about: “Well, Corotians, it will be another muggy day with a chance of stone showers. Remember to wear your sunblock SPF 5000.”

For the full story, click here.

This may not be legal in Alabama, but it is still pretty remarkable.

Introductions to the respective parents of this couple may take a bit longer than usual.

My troubled mind had planned to tell you no
I’d stay here at home where I belong
Then the phone starts to ring and my heart begins to sing
How can anything so right be so wrong.

The words I planned to say I can’t recall
Your voice only makes my love grow strong
My conscience whispers no but my resistance is low
How can anything so right be so wrong.

My excited mind is searching for a reason
To get away again tonight from home
I know it’s wrong to cheat but our love I can’t defeat
How can anything so right be so wrong.

I feel so wrong at home knowing that I broke my vows
But when I’m in your arms I feel so right somehow
Right or wrong I know it’s true I can’t stop seeing you
But how can anything so right be so wrong…

I suggest you stare at this picture while listening to this video:

Police in Pasadena, Texas say that a Houston-area woman had a curious way of convincing her ex-husband to return her jewelry. She took his seven pet goldfish, fried them, and ate three of them. The other four were found fried and laid out on a plate. I can’t imagine how this man let this woman go.

What is fascinating is that the police ruled out any criminal charges for stealing and eating the pets of an ex-spouse. It appears that in Texas you can grab your ex’s pet and feast on Terrier Tartare or Poodle Pad Thai without charges.

In torts, this is an example of the problem with establishing damages for the loss of pets. Technically, the law values a pet at their replacement or purchase price in the market rather than their subjective value to the owner. This is ironic since recently a court awarded shared custody of a pug like a child (here), but if you kill the dog, you pay market costs. The real value of such acts is captured through claims of intentional infliction of emotional distress, which effectively translate the value in terms of the emotional cost to the human owner.

For the story, click here and here.

Many endangered species are threatened by industry and urban sprawl. However, tourists have made something of a statement by going to Australia’s famed Ayers Rock, or Uluru, and pissed away a rare species of shrimp, Branchinella latzi.

It appears that tourists see Uluru as something of a urinal. As a result, a small species of inland shrimp appears lost. If the cause and effect is proven, this may be the first case of extinction through urination.

Biologist Brian Timms says that it appears that the shimp living in pools near the rock has been harmed “possibly by peeing on the rock and pooing on the rock.”

Australia is now considering a ban on climbing on the rock.

For the full story, click here.

And you thought you had too many mouths to feed.

I don’t understand why I cannot get four kids to eat breakfast like this. Breakfast in the Turley house is a cross between feeding time on the Serengeti and the Roman games.

New Jersey police officer Robert Melia Jr. will not face criminal charges for allegedly having sex with five calves under a perfectly bizarre ruling by Judge James J. Morley. We previously discussed the case, here. Morley dismissed animal cruelty charges on the grounds that the cows may have enjoyed having sex with Melia.

Morley ruled that oral sex with cows cannot constitute animal cruelty since the cows aren’t talking and may not have been “tormented” or “puzzled” by the experience.

In a simply amazing exchange with prosecutors, Morley went into the uncertainties of man-cow relations: “If the cow had the cognitive ability to form thought and speak, would it say, ‘Where’s the milk? I’m not getting any milk,’” You are allowed to drop your coffee in amazement at this point.

Morley went on to explain that children are comforted by pacifiers and perhaps cows are equally pacified by police officers in these cases: “They [children] enjoy the act of suckling,” the judge said. “Cows may be of a different disposition.” You are allowed to throw up in disgust at this point.

Morley ignored that one cow head-butted Melia in the stomach and appeared far from happy. The prosecutor objected that the cows were “very upset” by Melia’s action and stated “I think any reasonable juror could infer that a man’s penis in the mouth of a calf is torment. It’s a crime against nature.” The problem is that New Jersey does not currently have a ban on bestiality as opposed to animal cruelty.

Morley did note “I’m not saying it’s OK. This is a legal question for me. It’s not a questions of morals. It’s not a question of hygiene. It’s not a question of how people should conduct themselves.” That is reassuring. However, since the cows can never complain about sexual abuse, Morley’s view would effectively end cruelty prosecutions absent physical injury. While “no means no,” “moo” means nothing in Morley’s court. Any defendant could use the Morley defense of “the cows enjoyed it.”

Melia is currently on suspension from the force in Moorestown. His girlfriend, Heather Lewis, is also accused in a case alleging sexual assault on three young girls. Child pornography was also allegedly found in his home.

Lewis is also accused of sexually assaulting a juvenile male.

Not does it defame “Jersey” cows everywhere, but Morley’s ruling gives Moorestown the unique claim to fame as the new vacation spot of choice for the bestiality set (New slogan: “You Can’t Say Moorestown Without Moo.”). I simply cannot understand the judge’s reasoning. While Melia will likely be put away on the other charges, Morley has created some disturbing precedent in this ruling that needs to be appealed by the prosecutors.

A man in Mumbai was less lucky with his judge. He claimed that he could not be charged with having sex with a dog because the dog could not swear out a complaint, here. The court rejected the claim.

For the story, click here and here.

Given our evolution stories this week, this picture was apropos.

Of course, there are limits to simian evolution:

A popular farming and livestock program at a primary school in Kent may be shutdown after the student council voted to ignore objections from parents and animal activists and have a six-month-old lamb named Marcus slaughtered for cash. The 14-member council composed of 6 to 11 year old children voted to turn Marcus into chops and to use the money to buy pigs for the program at Lydd primary school.

The children reared Marcus from birth and then shocked parents by announcing their decision to cull Marcus. He is a castrated lamb, so he cannot be used to expand the herd. The children also manage ducks, chickens, rabbits and guinea pigs. The children were managing their stock and making the type of decision that farms (as opposed to zoos) make on the use of such animals.

Animal activists are insisting that Marcus should be used to teach kids about wool production and are now calling for an end of the program entirely.

The school has defended the children and noted that farms cull animals and that the children are making the type of decisions that are inherent in such an operation.

A good point, but they may want to consider what some English schoolboys did to a Piggy:

For the full story, click here.

Bike shop owner Mark Howard prides himself on running a green business with virtually no trash. It is a bit too green for English authorities, who hit him with a citation. The reason? Not enough trash.

Howard was given a £180 fine because officers simply do not believe that anyone is that efficient.

What is amazing is the trash contractor wrote Howard to demand to know why he is not buying their trash bags and paying for their services at Sutton Road Cycles. When the green bike man said he had no trash, the garbage men cried “Rubbish!”

Simon Crowther, the group manager for waste, insists that this is only appropriate and that the duty is on the owner to show how they dispose of their waste. Otherwise, if you waste not, we want you not.

Below is the prior felon found to be hoarding his trash on Sutton Road:

For the full story, click here.

There is nothing sadder than binge eating.

The terrible thing is when he woke up, he immediately stumbled over to the all-you-can-eat dessert table.

Police in Raymore, Missouri have a curious way to recovering missing pets. When 19-year-old Tobey disappeared on Labor Day, she was eventually found by a police officer. However, since it did not have a tag, the dispatcher ordered the officer to take the cat directly to a field and “put him down.”

The officer took Tobey to a field and shot him twice in the head. The cat was then thrown into a bag and dumped in the trash.

Police insist that they believe the cat might be diseased or feral.

Tobey was without claws and weighed only 6 pounds.

City Manager Eric Berlin told the mayor and council members that the city might want to review its policy on euthanizing animals. That might be a good idea. Most modern cities do not carry out such procedures in nearby fields with firing squads.

Police chief Roger Mayberry wrote to the owners that “[a]s for the final disposition of your pet, let me say that I, too, would have preferred a different method.”

For the full story, click here

The State of Georgia has a curious way of protecting animals. In 2005, the Georgia Department of Natural Resources raided the home of amateur herpetologist Steve Santhuff and seized 500 turtles. Santhuff was ultimately able to prove that he was not guilty of criminal charges when a jury acquitted him of all charges. He then learned that the state had killed as many as 362 of the turtles during the interim.

The state admits that 309 turtles died. Santhuff said that the survivors were “scarred and pitted” and in terrible shape when they were returned. Some turtles have still not be returned.

Santhuff is now suing for more than $1 million in damages. Georgia may learn why you want spell tortoise without “tort.”

For the full story, click here.

I am pretty sure that this is a unique crime. Keith Edward Marriott, 41, is charged with repeatedly pretending to drown in Madeira Beach, Florida and then throwing jellyfish at people who came to help him.

Marriott is accused of pretending to drown and then floating back to the top of the water to draw his jellyfish targets. He is charged with disorderly intoxication and carrying a concealed weapon (a pocket knife in his shorts). Marriott works for a brokerage firm but it is not clear whether customers are required to remain behind protective glass during visits.

Given the existence of jellyfish for 650 million years, one has to wonder about the advances of Darwinism represented by Mr. Marriott. I can only imagine the thoughts of the jellyfish: “Great, I float hundreds of miles, avoid being made into an appetizer by Japanese chefs, dodge ocean sunfish and sea turtles, avoid motor boats, and make it to the Florida shore only to have this crazed biped use me as a weapon.”

I am not sure about the concealed weapon charge if it was a true pocketknife but the disorderly charge certainly seems to fit. I am not sure why he was not charged with assault or battery. It might be difficult to make out a jellyfish as a weapon (as opposed to a swordfish or hammerhead shark).

The only precedent for such a case would be the clip below:

We do have a film however of Marriott that might be used at this trial:

For the story, click here.

In light of our recent reaffirmation of the civility rule on this blog, I give you evidence that species with generations of “difficulties” can overcome such instincts and impulses to achieve harmony.

If you are more of a dog person, the message remains the same:

Freedom Worship Baptist Church in Blanchester, Ohio wanted to demonstrate the fallacy of evolution of the human species and appears to have succeeded. The Church arranged for stunt driver Louis Re of New York to jump in a motocycle over a giant horseshoe crab — an example often cited by creationists to show creatures have not evolved since they were spontaneously created a few thousand years ago.

The crab is 12 feet tall, 24 feet wide and 68 feet long — which would certainly appear to support the idea of evolution since most crab fossils show a much smaller creature. Unfortunately, that was a few feet too long for Re.

The event is called "jumping the crab." Blanchester Police Chief Scott Reinbolt explains “[t]hey paint it as a leap of faith – believe in Christ.”

Pastor Jim Rankin was not available for comment but the crab is believed to be a gift from the Creation Museum in Boone County.

You can see the giant crab on the church’s website, here. It usually sits in a biblical theme garden, here.

Creationist sites often speak of the horseshoe crab as evidence of the truth of the biblical account:

Consider ants, horseshoe crabs, bats or algae. Many ant species appear in amber from the Dominican Republic, which evolutionists claim is 25 to 40 million years old. Yet they look exactly the same as they do today. Fossil horseshoe crabs claimed to be 150 million years old are identical to those found alive. The oldest skeleton of a fossil bat, dated as Eocene by evolutionists and supposedly 50 million years old, looks exactly like the skeleton of modern bats. The “oldest” fossils found on earth are said to be blue-green algae colonies one billion years old; yet these fossil colonies seem to be duplicates of living colonies.

What should be clear from this creationist event is that, just like horseshoe crabs, humans show no sign of evolving into higher intelligent creatures over time.

In addition to jumping the crab for Jesus, you can drive through flaming walls at the crabfest:

For the full story, click here.

Jeremy Tuffly, 28, may be the leading contender for the worst human being of the week. The Mesa, Arizona man is shown in the videotape below trying to feed a 6-week-old kitten to a python snake. After repeatedly throwing the kitten at the snake (only to have the kitten run back to him), he drop-kicks the kitten — killing it.

Tuffly is so devoid of moral or social values that he videotaped the abuse and appears to have shown it to others. One such person notified police and arrested him.

Someone should introduce him to Cheyenne Cherry, who shares his mutated sense of morality, here.

For the disturbing video, click here or here.

For the full story, click here.

An undercover video by Mercy for Animals purportedly reveals a shocking treatment of baby chicks at the Hy-Line North America’s hatchery in Spencer, Iowa. The video below shows workers discarding unwanted chicks by tossing them alive into a grinder while others are left to die on the factory floor.

Hy-Line says that it is investigating the allegations and video. The video was shot by a MFA employee who got a job at the plant and taped the abuses for two weeks.

We have seen other undercover videotapes by animal organizations recently, here.Mercy for Animals routinely does undercover operations, though such investigations can raise legal questions of trespass and even defamation. The use of such undercover agents creates a legal risk for animal rights organizations, as shown in past cases. In Food Lion v. ABC , a store was shown in an undercover segment engaging in unsanitary practices and ABC accused Food Lion of selling rat-gnawed cheese, meat that was past its expiration date and old fish and ham that had been washed in bleach to kill the smell. Food lion denied the allegations and sued ABC for trespass. A jury ruled against ABC and awarded Food Lion punitive damages for the investigation involving ABC journalists lying on their application forms and assumed positions under false pretenses. The Fourth Circuit however wiped out the punitive damage award while upholding the verdicts of trespass and breach of loyalty with awards of only $1 for each. Business can seek to sue organizations for product disparagement and other tort-related claims.

WARNING: This video shows disturbing images of animal cruelty.

While Hy-Line insists that the video shows violations of its animal welfare policies, it appears to defend the use of the grinder as a method for “instantaneous euthanasia.”

United Egg Producers also defended the practice and explained “There is, unfortunately, no way to breed eggs that only produce female hens. If someone has a need for 200 million male chicks, we’re happy to provide them to anyone who wants them. But we can find no market, no need.”

For the full story, click here.

You read the Tennessee Williams play. Now you can see the real thing.

No doubt sunning themselves after entrapping humans.

It appears that folks in South Carolina prefer to bag for dragonflies with old-fashioned way: with a hunting rifle. A South Carolina man reportedly decided to use a rifle rather than a net to catch dragonflies at a hunting club in Johnsonville, South Carolina (pop. 1418 and an unknown number of dragonflies). He ended shooting his friend when he walked in front of the gun.

I certainly do not want to visit Johnsonville during the height of mosquito season.

He does not appear alone in the use of weapons in the man v. insect struggle:

The man took the victim to a convenience store where police found him bleeding profusely. The shooter explained that it was a dragonfly hunting accident.

This the second animal/insect incident resulting in humans gunning each other down, here. A coincidence? I think not.

For the story, click here.