Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch Leads to Evacuation in London

172521_knighA street in East London was evacuated after workers from the Water company found what they believed was a grenade after moving a fire hydrant cover. It turned out to be a replica of the “Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch” from the the 1975 film Monty Python And The Holy Grail. Unfortunately, the street has been free of killer rabbits for years, but with the removal of the golden device, residents may soon be looking for a replacement.

For those uncultured readers, the “Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch” used by Eric Idle to slaughter a killer rabbit in the 1975 film Monty Python And The Holy Grail. It was actually designed by the comedy group on the Sovereign’s Orb used at royal coronations. You can buy a replica on the Internet for as as £14.

21_book-1The use of the grenade is quite tricky. Here are the instructions from the Book of Armanents:

…And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, “O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy.” And the Lord did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large chu… [At this point, the friar is urged by Brother Maynard to “skip a bit, brother”]… And the Lord spake, saying, “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.” Amen.

For the video on the use of the Holy Hand Grenade of Antitoch, click here. Click here for the script. Note that when removing the Holy Hand Grenade, it is appropriate to chant “Pie Jesu Domine, dona eis requiem” (“Kind Lord Jesus, grant them rest”).21_1-2-5

The Holy Hand Grenade idea is based on the true but equally funny account of the the mythical Holy Spear of Antioch. The Holy Spear was found by a previously unknown monk named Peter Bartholomew during the Siege of Antioch (1098) in the First Crusade. The Crusaders were losing but the revelation of a Holy spear was enough to push them to victory and ultimately conquer Jerusalem.

In the meantime, Americans showed our English cousins that we take our grenades a bit more seriously. A real grenade was found at Augusta Municipal Golf course when a golfer was looking for a ball and found a half-buried grenade eighth fairway of the Augusta Municipal Golf Course. The “pineapple grenade” appears to have washed down from a nearby hill — part of a military base in World War II. In a uniquely short-sighted act, the police detonated the grenade instead of saving it and announcing the discovery of the Holy Grenade of Augusta.

For the full story, click here.

Kudos to Buddha is Laughing for spotting the holy grenade story.

5 thoughts on “Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch Leads to Evacuation in London”

  1. If only Tim the magician could be here to appreciate it…

    By far, THE coolest blog post…ever.

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