Bizarre, Criminal law, Society

More Brawner Than Brains: New Mexico Man Arrested After Intimate Moment With Car in Parking Lot

danny-brawner_20090813143352_320_240Danny Brawner, 46, appears to find a good tranny irresistible. Brawner was arrested in a grocery store parking lot after passing out following an intimate moment with his vehicle.

He was found passed out with his pants around his ankles next to the vehicular victim at Smith’s Food and Drug Store in Albuquerque. He attracted attention by swinging his arms and shouting while engaged in the sexual assault.

He was charged on two counts of aggravated indecent exposure and one count of indecent exposure. He is not the first man who found himself in overdrive at the sight of a car or car vacuum.

The car make is not known but it may have been a Conquest (The police simply want to ensure it is not a Encore).

He needs to listen to a little more Shania Twain and watch a little less of carnal car movies:

You’re one of those guys
Who likes to shine his machine
You make me take off my shoes
Before you let me get in
I can’t believe you kiss your car good night
C’mon baby tell me
You must be jokin’, right?

Oh-oo-oh, you think you’re special
Oh-oo-oh, you think you’re something else

Okay, so you’ve got a car
That don’t impress me much
So you got the moves
But have you got the touch?
Now don’t get me wrong
Yeah I think you’re alright
But that won’t keep me
Warm in the middle of the night

That don’t impress me much
You think you’re cool
But have you got the touch?
Now don’t get me wrong
Yeah I think you’re alright
But that won’t keep me
Warm on those long, cold, lonely nights
That don’t impress me much

For the full story, click here.

20 thoughts on “More Brawner Than Brains: New Mexico Man Arrested After Intimate Moment With Car in Parking Lot”

  1. Buddha,

    Peppercorn Rye beer.

    There’s a pretty strong tradition in Belgium of using other spices in the beer than just hops. Although it’s pretty hard to find out exactly what, because they’re so secretive about it, and they sometimes use yeast strains the produce more spice, pepper, or clove like phenols than is usual.

  3. AY,

    You only say that because you haven’t spent the past 60 hours trying to cram detailed information about the 72 sub-styles that the BJCP recognizes (There are 4 or 5 more, but they’re “catch-all” styles that are ill defined like “Other Smoked beer” (My favorite is Left Hand’s Smoke Jumpers) and “Spice-Herb-Vegetable Beer” (Route Des Épices is a great example of a pepper(corn) beer).

    I take my beer to seriously.

  7. I can’t visualize exactly how a man has sex with a car – but then, I don’t want to. It’s obviously auto-erotic.

  9. gyges,

    The name of the story is “Age of Desire”. It’s in one of “The Books of Blood”.

  10. Eniobob,

    Good luck on your recovery.

    Buddha,

    Do you happen to remember the name of that Clive Barker story about the man who is a test subject for an aphrodisiac that works a little too well? He ends up bleeding to death after trying to romance a brick wall.

    Everyone,

    I’m off to study for the BJCP exam, so I’ll probably be gone till Monday. Have a good weekend, and if I post again today, tell me to get back to work. To give you an idea, of how tough this test is, here’s the questions that could be asked. All this while tasting beer.
    http://www.bjcp.org/study.php#exam

  11. whooliebacon,

    He’ll stay away from pink Cadillacs with steer horns as well if he values his jewels.

    eniobob,

    Glad you’re doing well and back writing here!

  14. AY,

    Good tune! Queen as a great band and Brian May is one of my favorite guitar players. I was trying to think of a musical joke for this as well but still shy of my coffee quota. All I was getting was ZZ Tops’s “She Don’t Love Me, She Loves My Automobile” but that just wasn’t quite right.

  15. Good Morning everyone,Trying to get back into the swing of things after having Eye Surgery,I had to make sure that I was seeing what I thought I saw with this story.

    So all I can due in my hunble way is try to help and define this problem:

    “car sex”
    There are many ways to engage in intercourse with a car; one merely has to be creative enough.
    The man was busy having sex with his car, and was not able to react in time when a little boy stepped into the road; the car and the man died, the little boy survived.

  16. whoolie,

    lol

    That gives a whole new meaning to all the signs you see at car shows reading “Do Not Touch The Car!”.

  17. I guess he is now the Focus, found playing with his Pinto and thinking he was a Mustang.

    Now QUEEN has a very nice trilogy to go with this story:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9JuAx_CB6o

    By the way, it is not really the car that he is in love with. Just think people who carry big Guns usually have little . . . .

  18. So now, as a registered sex offender, he must keep 300 feet away from all muscle cars and cannot live within a mile of any automobile dealership.

  19. Mr. Brawner either needs a psychiatrist or he really wanted 3 hots and a cot (such as it is). Unless he’s an exhibitionist on top of being a paraphiliac. To do this is one thing, to draw attention to yourself while doing it? Well, that’s even weirder still.

  20. He was charged on two counts of aggravated indecent exposure and one count of indecent exposure….

    Great combo, if they weren’t all the exact same offenses…. makes just as much sense to me as fucking a car…

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