Starbucks Psychosis: Washington Man Claims Caffeine Induced Hysterin

Daniel Noble, 31, has a novel defense after he was caught by Washington State University Police after speeding down a country road and hitting two people while wearing only pajamas and flip flops (in 5 degree weather) — he was over-caffeinated.

This could be a new line of criminal defense cases with defendants claiming that they were tripping the light fantastic in the expresso lane.

Nobel was charged with two counts of vehicular assault and two counts of hit-and-run after he broke the legs of Hogun Hahm and Neil Waldbjorns.

His attorney, Mark Moorer, insists that “caffeine-induced psychosis” may be to blame for his client’s alleged reckless driving and bizarre behavior.

This new defense of Starbuck psychosis (I like that better) could do for caffeine addicts what the Twinkie defense failed to do for junk food addicts. The question is whether we should have a coffee shop law similar to the dram shop laws holding baristas liable for third-party accidents and not cutting off a clearly over-caffeinated customer.

Moorer stated: “That particular morning he appeared at the Starbucks very early, wearing his pajamas without his cell phone, without anything, and he ordered his usual. The barista there knows him.”

Officers had to use a taser to subdue him.

Noble is a financial specialist in the University of Idaho Trust & Investment Office.

For the full story, click here and here and here.

9 thoughts on “Starbucks Psychosis: Washington Man Claims Caffeine Induced Hysterin”

  1. OMG, I see a new career option for which I am uniquely qualified….I have worked as a Starbucks shift supervisor for over a year…..taking a little career break to take car of an elderly parent. Prior to this break I practiced law for 15 years and have a grad degree in psychology. I’m going to make a zillion $$$ being an expert witness in Not Guilty by Reason of Starbucks cases.

  2. Jill & lottakatz–

    In my junior year in high school, I sat beside a young man–a friend who had a crazy sense of humor like me and who is one of my closest friends to this day–in a math class. We both disliked the nun who taught the course…so we spent some of our classtime making up new words. I use some of those words as usernames and passwords today. (Caf-fiend was not one of those words.) I still enjoy coining new words–nearly fifty years later. I guess old habits die hard.

  3. The Moar You Know is right, caffeine is addictive and has a menu of withdrawal symptoms that are seriously unpleasant- I know that from personal experience.

    Elaine- you are a hoot! Well done.

    Anonymously Yours: “They had to tase him huh? Sound like a little too much sugar or other white powder went into his nose or where ever…”

    Or maybe the cops did.

  4. You mean Starbucks psychosis. Starbuck psychosis is when you think Cylons are after you.

  5. Elaine,

    That was great!

    God, for this guy, caffeine wasn’t even a gateway drug.

    BTW: There is an interesting book about Starbucks called:

    Everything but the Coffee by Bryant Simon.

  6. We should coin a new term for a person who suffers from Starbucks Psychosis and does dastardly things because of his/her addiction: caf-fiend.

  7. Well, now this is a very interesting story and I’ve got a bit of a unique perspective; I worked for Starbucks back in the early part of this decade, while in school.

    My observations:

    1. Caffine is addictive. Any coffee shop employee knows that. Christ, an opening shift at Starbucks is like working at a methadone clinic; we’d have a clearly posted opening time of 5am, and have people POUNDING on the doors by 4:30. I’m not talking about a couple of times, or even a couple of times a week, but EVERY SINGLE DAY.

    2. You’d see the full gamut of addictive behavior. One of the more hilarious ones were people who were trying to cover up the extent of their addiction. Now, I live in a town that has five Starbucks all within a couple of miles of each other. We’d have customers that would hit one store, then a couple of hours later hit another one, and then another one, and so on. How did we know this? Well, although the people behind the counter are generally invisible to the customers, the customers are not invisible to the employees; and a lot of stores would swap employee shifts. So the “12 o’ clock guy” I’d see at my regular store would be the “1:30 guy” at another.

    3. Speaking of addictive behavior, you should see what happens when a store’s espresso machine goes on the blink. I’m a big guy and not normally afraid of anyone, but some people would get downright threatening.

    4. To complete the addict analogy; the average Starbucks “regular” would spend between $3500-6000 dollars a year at Starbucks. Not my numbers, BTW. Think about that.

  8. They had to tase him huh? Sound like a little too much sugar or other white powder went into his nose or where ever…

Comments are closed.