Police in North Port, Florida responded to the discovery of a dead body in a hotel room with two live Capuchin monkeys and an incoherent man. In an announcement that would seem the most unassailable finding in the annals of criminal justice, the police declared the death of Linda Marie Smith, 59, to be “suspicious.”
The two monkeys were in a crate in the hotel room and have been collected by the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. The man is said to have been incoherent and requiring medical attention. There was however no signs of trauma on Smith’s body but there was a note (the contents of which have not been released).
What is interesting is that, in Florida, you cannot simply buy Capuchin monkeys. You have to complete 1,000 hours of training and provide two letters of reference before becoming permitted to possess a Capuchin monkey. There are only 45 licensed Capuchin monkey owners in Florida.
Get off the monkeys’ back…they were in their crate. No more monkey business jumping on the bed. She left a note. Allegedly. Bullets to the back of the head with the wrong hand and no notes are suspicous. And this is suspicious just cuz she had pet monkeys?
Rodney Dangerfield
bam bam: your comment makes too much sense. Please, tell us your monkey story.
Give they monkeys a typewriter. We can then further science by calculating the probability they will dictate an accurate description of what happened.
Did I miss the part about illegal activity? Where does the article mention that these monkeys were owned without the proper paperwork or licenses? The dead woman didn’t say that, and I seriously doubt that the incoherent man did, either. How do we know that these individuals weren’t two of the 45 licensed capuchin monkey owners in Florida? Why? Because the Florida Fish and Wildlife Preservation Commission personnel took the monkeys into custody? What were they supposed to do? Leave them in the room for the next guest?
By the way, I once found two monkeys in my hotel room, but that’s a story for another day. 🙂
The vicitms have shown a propensity for illegal activity–owning a monkey without a license. What other illegal activity might they be up to… like partying with animal tranquilizers?
The incoherent man might just turn out to be Zimmerman.
LOL! I love intelligent dry, sarcastic humor and this post is just that. One of my mentors was a vice and homicide detective in KC w/ a dry wit. We had a case come into the office w/ a man found in the trunk of a car w/ 2 bullet wounds in the back of the head. He dryly commented, “I think we can rule our suicide.”
Shafar; There are only two kinds of liberals, those that think they can give everyone everything and those that think they deserve everything, Witch one are you
Monkeys are very similar to humans. They can not speak the King’s English but they can understand. It is the plan of Remulak to have the monkeys take over the Kingdoms in Asia very soon. First will be Indonesia, then Malaysia, then Thailand. India is later. China has a good communist government and already has monkeys in place. The marriage of communism and monopoly capitalism has shown great merit in China. What America needs is someone to corral the monopoly capitalists such as the doctors and their industries and the Donald may be right for the job. Monkey see, monkey do.
First things first; find out where George Zimmerman was. He is forever guilty until proven innocent.
At the Saint Louis Zoo we had a monkey, a chimp, named Pete The Turd Thrower. He would be crotched down and hooting and hollering for attention and making faces. People would gather at the front bars of the cage. He would grunt and act like he was trying to talk. They would gather closer. His right hand would be reached back and under his rear. Then he would fling a huge turd out through the bars right at them. Pete would always get them right in the faces. Then he would do a back flip and hoot and holler.
Or check for a connecting grating to the next room. I am sure I know this one.
Was the room sealed and was there a servants’ bell rope? If so, I know this one. 😉
Yes, a monkey fart can kill a human. No friggin doubt about it. I used to work at the Saint Louis Zoo in a prior life as a human. We would lose a customer about once a year. The dumb doctors at the hospital would say “cause of death heart attack” or “stroke”. Other humans would get senile from the monkey farts, including some of the employees. Over time a human will become immune to monkey farts. The real threat is in a small enclosed room.
Monkey farts. They wait until you are asleep in bed and then they unload. There was no evidence of turd throwing in the case at bar here. Here is a song which monkeys sing when they let off steam:
(music)
Hooray for monkey farts!
Hooray for monkey farts!
Someone in the stands yelling : Hooray for monkey farts.
One, two, three, four, who we gonna yell for?
Monkey farts, thats who.
Two, live capuchin monkeys and one incoherent man? The only thing more mysterious would be two, live men and one incoherent capuchin monkey.
Alright, I’m no Sherlock Holmes, but I have a theory regarding this mystery. Ready? Here goes: given that there were no signs of obvious trauma to the dead woman’s body, and the man, who was found alive, was discovered incoherent, perhaps, just, perhaps, these two individuals were infected with some sort of infectious disease transmitted by the two capuchin monkeys. Wait, before you laugh, consider this: the American Veterinary Medical Association has warned that monkeys are natural hosts of herpes B, which can cause fatal encephalomyelitis in people. These primates can, and do, transmit infectious diseases, and they commonly develop latent lifelong infections that can be transmitted to humans via scratches or bites, which may not even be present on the woman or the man if these scratches or bites occurred in the past and have healed. Perhaps the woman succumbed to some fatal illness, which was far more advanced than the man’s, thus leaving him alive, but, incoherent.
What can I say? I gave it a shot.
By the way, capuchin monkeys, once they hit puberty, often become quite aggressive and will resort to throwing poo through the grates of their cages. Just an FYI.
I would like to have the monkeys come here to our marina and live with our dogpac. I hope that the story gets more press and we find out who adopts them. GoFundAMonkey.com
I can hardly wait for Spinelli’s “dissertation” on this story
Twenty of the monkeys are members of the Florida Legislature, two more are vying for the Republican presidential nomination.