Animals, Bizarre, Criminal law

Wisconsin Man Arrested For Driving Intoxicated With Chicken On His Shoulder

According to WDJT, a Wisconsin man was pulled over by police after calls of a possible DUI driver with a hawk on his shoulder. Police pulled over Ernesto Martinez-Garnica and found a brown chicken in the car. The chicken was sober but Martinez-Garnica was not, according to police. The chicken’s name is Teresa.

The 911 operator received a call that “We’re on Howell, there’s a guy behind us, and he has a—he’s driving really reckless, but he has a hawk in his car. He’s like just driving, holding it, he’s swerving all over the road on Howell.”

Given that call, a few defenses could be made.

  1. Martinez-Garnica could claim a lack of reasonable suspicion since the police were looking for a drunk driver with a hawk on his shoulder. Martinez-Garnica was a drunk driver with a chicken on his shoulder. (That means somewhere there is a drunk driver with a hawk on his shoulder laughing his head off).
  2. There is also that possible claim of profiling poultry-assisted drivers.
  3. He could claim fowl play and say that the chicken was the one driving and she was sober.
  4. There is the claim that the chicken was a service animal who assisted Martinez-Garnica in driving.
  5. Finally, he could call the chicken to attest to his imPECKable driving.

The problem is that Martinez-Garnica failed the field sobriety test and this is his third DUI. It was however the chicken’s first arrest. Nevertheless, Teresa is believing headed for the pen.

58 thoughts on “Wisconsin Man Arrested For Driving Intoxicated With Chicken On His Shoulder”

  1. So we can’t look at Robert Byrds past but we can look back at Justice Kavanaughs past. Oh yah, I get it.

  2. Jon, Pelosi wants them expedited because they require the physical presence of her presidential hopefuls in the Senate every day M-S from 10 am on. They can’t campaign in the field from D.C. Catch 22. They are finished, sealing their own fate through conspiring against their most hated American. If only they despised violent criminals equally. We could enjoy a casual stroll in the evening without fear of being shot, mugged, carjacked, knifed, propositioned or raped.
    Trump should convene a special panel, formally, to investigate every leftist representative based on all the supporting information of their various and sundry misconduct. That panel should examine the lies and distortions perpetrated by our pink media, too, and issue their findings in a massive government publication like the Warren Commission.

  3. If I told you once I told you a hundred times it’s a parrot not a chicken, Blackbeard! You’re a sloppy drunk.

      1. Anonymous – isn’t the mascot for the Naval Academy a goat? And doesn’t it get kidnapped periodically?

        2. Yes The goat gets kidnapped. Wapo even had a headline years ago about one of the incidents.
          ANGORAS AWAY!

    3. My friend took care of an injured calf. He was bottle fed and couldn’t go too long between feedings. So he loaded him in the back of his truck, and took him to work. He had the window rolled down, and the little guy was mooing at the cars next to them. Darn near caused accidents, people were so surprised.

  6. Saw this bald headed cat arguing a call fiercely on the sidelines in the rerf’s face. not out of control. obvious he was articulate. looked him up. he’s a new force. they r sticking it to penn state and will go 9-0. the gophers. who knew?

  7. He has chicken…on his shoulder…he was sent here as a soldier..you remember Earnest flemFle..he got tomign poisoning after dinner.

    Take me home… I’m not drunk…take me home I am skunk….
    ECT.

    1. Arlen Specter got Perdue off on a drunk driving homicide. he didn’t file the case on the docket and frankie flew away

      minds me of
      Sweetheart Like You
      WRITTEN BY: BOB DYLAN

      They say that patriotism is the last refuge

      To which a scoundrel clings

      Steal a little and they throw you in jail

      Steal a lot and they make you king

      1. wentzel………..When Dylan performs in California, he will need to amend the words on the third line, now that shoplifting is acceptable there, and not against the law.

    1. Darren……but if the prosecution combs through eye witness testimony, and finds reliability has flown the coop, they’ll have to start again from scratch, or even wing it.

  9. The bird will be called as a witness at his trial. When a hen speaks, humans listen.

  10. Wisconsin Is Home To Many Drunks

    The defendant in this case bears a Hispanic name. Which isn’t completely unusual. Hispanics are now a presence in Wisconsin and some are prone to DUI’s.

    But as a onetime resident of Wisconsin, I can assert, with authority, that Wisconsin has a well-established culture of excessive drinking that goes back generations. Green Bay, La Crosse and the Fox River Valley lead the nation in consumption of alcohol. Even respectable family men routinely drink a six pack per night without the slightest inkling that such an amount could be excessive. It’s an environment where non-drinkers are considered social misfits.

    1. John Burgoyne……..Was there excessive drinking in Wisconsin before Joe McCarthy and his “ism”? Or did his era make people want to stay drunk?

      1. Cindy, McCarthy was from Appleton which is in the Fox River Valley. McCarthy might not have even considered himself a ‘drunk’. Functioning alcoholics are all too common in Wisconsin.

        Wisconsin was largely settled by German immigrants in the 19th Century. They brought their love of beer drinking. The cold weather keeps people indoors for almost half the year. So people drink to excess as a means of coping with weather that would drive most Californians (or Texans) nuts.

        1. John…..I knew he lived in Appleton, because as I’ve said before, he was the law partner of Greta Van Susteren’s father….and at one time, lived with Greta and her family.
          You’re right about extremely cold weather and drinking…..Alcoholism is normal in Alaska; however, fairly prevalent in Louisiana, too!

        2. “March is the month that God designed to show those who don’t drink what a hangover is like.”

          — Garrison Keillor

    2. Peter Shill sez:

      The defendant in this case bears a Hispanic name. Which isn’t completely unusual.

      We are the largest minority group in America. What tipped you off that the Martinez “bears a Hispanic name”?

      /snark

      Hispanics are now a presence in Wisconsin and some are prone to DUI’s.

      WTF? Next you’ll state Blacks are prone to eating watermelon and fried chicken

      Prone to DUI? imbécil!

      Dude, you’re an absolute culipandeo, sanaco y mamífero

      1. Estovir, Hispanics were almost nonexistent in Wisconsin just 40 years ago. Look on a map to see how far north that is. What’s more, many Trumpers might have seen this column as evidence that Hispanics are irresponsible. I, however, pointed out that Wisconsin has had a drinking culture for most of its history.

        But Estovir is making a desperate effort to ‘bust’ me for ‘racism’. That’s par for the course with Trumpers. They’re always making desperate efforts to ‘bust’ liberals on frivolous ‘racist’ charges. It’s essentially a campaign to trivialize racism.

        1. Drunk Driving Deaths Linked To Hispanics..

          Was Subject Of Recent Cato Institute Study

          Just 3 weeks ago The Cato Institute released a study regarding the perceived correlation between illegal immigrant populations and DUI related incidents. The introduction to this study notes that such incidents have garnered media scrutiny in recent years. In fact the introduction notes that states with large immigrant populations (California, Texas and Florida) have seen some very high profile cases.

          The fact that Cato felt compelled to release this study suggests the perception of illegal drunken drivers is active in the minds of many Americans.

          https://www.cato.org/blog/do-illegal-immigrants-increase-drunk-driving-deaths

          1. Hispanics are now a presence in Wisconsin and some are prone to DUI’s.

            Liberals like Peter Shill cant admit how racism is part of their DNA, to look down upon other Americans like Hispanics, and declare they are “prone to DUI”

            Racist to the core just like West Virginia Democrat Senator Robert Byrd

            In a 1944 letter to segregationist Mississippi Senator Theodore G. Bilbo, Byrd wrote,

            “I shall never fight in the armed forces with a Negro by my side. Rather I should die a thousand times, and see Old Glory trampled in the dirt never to rise again than to see this beloved land of ours become degraded by race mongrels, a throwback to the blackest specimen from the wilds.”

            As late as 1946, Byrd wrote to the Klan’s Grand Wizard: “The Klan is needed today as never before, and I am anxious to see its rebirth here in West Virginia and in every state in the nation.”

            In 1964, Byrd led a filibuster against the Civil Rights Act of 1964. He also opposed the Voting Rights Act of 1965, as well as most of the anti-poverty programs of President Lyndon Johnson’s Great Society initiative.

            In the debate against anti-poverty legislation, Byrd stated, “we can take the people out of the slums, but we cannot take the slums out of the people.”

            https://www.thoughtco.com/robert-byrd-kkk

        2. Next up:

          Peter Shill defends why Blacks should be slaves of whites on plantations since Democrats embraced this practice for years

          Yeah, Peter Shill, who perpetually lies and uses countless bogus profile names, is a racist to the core, just like West Virginia Democrat Senator Robert Byrd, former KKK Grand Wizard

          Democrats use minorities to their advantage to gain power and for nothing less

          1. Estovir, you do yourself no favor with nutty posts like this. It confirms what I said. ‘Pro-Trumpers seek to trivialize racial issues as a theater in the Culture Wars’. Like I’m supposed to waste my time defending Robert Byrd’s membership in the Klan.

            As the ‘busted liberal’ I’m obliged to admit that Hillary should have chopped Byrd in the windpipe. Yelling, “Get away you filthy Klansman!”. By screaming this loud enough Hillary would have inoculated herself to any pro-Byrd sentiment.

            But by accepting Byrd’s embrace, Hillary literally embraced the Ku Klux Klan. So everyone who voted for Hillary is linked to the Ku Klux Klan. Yet only loyal of rightwing media understand this history.

            1. So, Hillary was obligated to be grossly discourteous to a man over asinine things he’d done nearly years earlier. (What he’d done was organize klaverns in West Virginia ca. 1942, at a time when the 2d incarnation of the Klan was nearly kaput. No clue how, in a state where the black population might have been about 75,000, he found any interested parties).

              Of course, all racial discourse is a series of wedge issues. It’s just that the people responsible for these inane diversions (George Zimmerman, BLM, school-to-prison-pipeline, massive racial discrimination in higher education) are Democratic voters.

              1. Tabby, you raise a point here:

                “No clue how, in a state where the black population might have been about 75,000, he found any interested parties)”.

                Yeah, West Virginia was never known for a large Black population. But the Klan was also hostile to Jews and Catholics.

                Many politicians had to ‘journey’ from Jim Crow to Civil Rights. Robert Byrd was a ‘success’ story. Storm Thurmond was another. Thurmond became a Republican, however. Estovir neglected to mention him.

                One can go on and on tying famous politicians to various figures who carry baggage with regards to bigotry of some kind. Presumably we want our leaders to transition and evolve with public sentiment.

                Yet some leaders represent a major step backwards.

  13. The lady officer holding the hen doesn’t know much about birds. She’s acting like it’s an actual hawk who would peck her, and not holding her wings correctly. She could have easily held such a small bird in one arm.

    That’s really sad that this guy was a repeat DUI. He’s like an unguided missile on the road with innocent people.

    1. OMG, can you imagine the state of his car upholstery? The hen was loose in there and sounds like he would have been scaring the poop out of any passenger.

    1. Those modern meat bird varieties have a gene that makes them never feel full, as well as accelerated growth rates. It’s a bit horrifying to watch them eat. They dive into their food as if they haven’t eaten in 3 weeks. They are typically not free fed, as they would eat until they literally died. Their growth has to be carefully managed, because they can get to the point that their legs cannot hold their weight.

      There are some backyard flock owners who have had some luck with them keeping them in pens on pasture. That extra roaming and grass foraging seems to help them stay healthier longer. They are usually butchered at only 8 weeks, 10 tops. By contrast, a slow growth heritage meat or dual purpose bird is harvested around 6 up to 9 months. A young bird could be harvested around 6 up to 8 months.

      In any case, those whom I know who’ve raised them have said that it’s a kindness to butcher the Cornish Cross. Even though at a mere 8 weeks, they are still peeping, they start to have difficulty moving the older they get.

      My own birds are egg-laying pets, so this is all information I’ve observed from fellow flock keepers.

      1. Karen,
        When our daughter was little we had a few Rhode Island Reds that we kept in our backyard in Austin (south of the river….where almost anything was allowed)
        We had an Irish Setter back then…..and started noticing that the feathers were missing from the rear ends of the chickens…….and no eggs in the coop!
        The Setter was helping herself to fresh eggs before they hit the ground. She had figured out where they were coming from! LOL
        More recently, our daughter has kept Aracaunas.and Ameraucanas out at the ranch……those eggs are beautiful, as you know.

        1. They do lay beautiful blue eggs. I prefer the Americauna over the Aracuana because I don’t like the rumples look, plus it has some lethality in the genes. I also have some Cream Legbars, which also lay those lovely blue eggs.

  16. I am sure he was just trying to save the chicken from becoming one of Popeye’s new sammishs.

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