Pet of the Week: Meet Cousin Oliver

This week’s winner is Cousin Oliver who is also known as Oliver or just Ollie. She was submitted by “Buddy Hinton.” She was named after a character on the Brady Bunch because “I was a little red headed stranger when I was first adopted into my family. Before that I was living under a dumpster in Spring Valley, California with my kitty mother and the rest of her litter.” Now that is a pedigree that I can relate to. If you are interested in nominating a pet (any species allowed), you can find the questions here.

Breed: I am an American shorthair tabby cat.

Age: My age is nine years old — I was born a few months before nine eleven.

Quirks: I do have some quirks. My main quirk is that I love to sleep in my human mother’s long hair and to bury my face in her hair. Also, I am terribly afraid of belts, although I haven’t the faintest idea why. It is not like I have ever been beaten by a belt.

Favorite food: My favorite food is the liquid part of wet catfood. It is this liquid part that I eagerly lick away from the soggy, solid part, leaving that for the other cats I live with. The arrangement works out all right as they all seem to be less particular about food than I am.

Questions:

1. What story or habit sums up your pet’s character or lack thereof?

My most distinctive habit is an almost pathological need to be hugged long and hard about once a day. This is the most important thing in my life, these expressions of love.

2. What historical figure does your pet most resemble? (Outfits are permitted)

Assuming that Cousin Oliver from the Brady Bunch does not count as an historical figure, the historical figure I most resemble is Dag Hjalmar Agne Carl Hammarskjöld for reasons that should be obvious.

3. Why would your pet be a good choice for the Supreme Court and what judicial philosophy would he or she likely bring to rulings?

I would make a good choice for the Supreme Court because I understand that the most important function of government is to limit the power and influence that large corporations have over the lives of middle and lower class citizens. I am not a socialist, but I am big on things like antitrust and taxation of the wealthy to pay for the common defense. To the extent that law enforcement focuses on petty crimes of poor people, they need their wings clipped. I believe in a highly decentralized form of capitalism.

4. What public office would your pet be best suited to assume?

I do not aspire to public office, though, primarily because I am too afraid of people and other cats who are not in my family. This seems incompatible with holding a public office because of the public part of that. Actually, I am not that much on offices either, much preferring bedrooms.

5. Which Supreme Court justice or leading politician would you feel most comfortable and least comfortable in using as a pet sitter for a weekend?

I do not like pet sitters, so if I had to choose one, I would choose Dan Quayle because he is the next best thing to nobody at all. As far as pet sitters to avoid, I’d say Sonia Sotomayor. Too pro-police. Yuk.