Landslide in Worker’s Paradise: Kim Jong Il Reelected With 98.98 Percent of the Vote

Kim Jong Il has been re-elected again as North Korea’s most beloved dictator by a vote of 98.98 percent. No hanging chads or machine malfunctions, just good old North Korean politicking by the Dear One. It appears that Ron Paul received the remaining 1.02 percent.

It is a good thing that 1.02 percent voted for someone else or this would look totally fake.

Kim’s third son, Kim Jong Un, 26, also ran for a seat in the legislator in a likely indication that he is going to inherent the communist throne. Since “The Great One” and “The Dear One” are taken, Kim Jong Un has to grab a catchy dictator moniker. “The Third One” will not do. The “Non-Nuts One” is a possibility if he can make it stick.

As for the amazing success at the polls, it shows what good looks and clever slogans can do. Such campaign ads as “North Korea: Winning the Battle Against Weight Gain” and “A Chicken in Every Pot (and One Pot for Every Village)” are obvious winners.

In the meantime, The Dear One is now threatening war again and has cut off the hotline.

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