Expecting a Court Martial: General Announces New Policy to Court Martial Pregnant Women in Iraq

Maj. Gen. Anthony Cucolo has announced that getting pregnant or impregnating a fellow soldier is an offense punishable by a court-martial in Iraq. He has stated that he will not charge women who are raped.

The order for the 22,000 soldiers under Cucolo’s command has been justified on the basis that they cannot lose soldier to this form of friendly fire: “I need every soldier I’ve got, especially since we are facing a drawdown of forces during our mission. Anyone who leaves this fight earlier than the expected 12-month deployment creates a burden on their teammates. Anyone who leaves this fight early because they made a personal choice that changed their medical status — or contributes to doing that to another — is not in keeping with a key element of our ethos.”

What Cucolo needs is a catchy campaign slogan.

When I worked for Mo Udall in one of his campaigns, I was surprised to see a poster that read “Vote for Mo Udall, War Hero.” I asked him how a man with a glass eye got into World War II, let alone became a war hero. It was a long and hilarious story. However, to cut it short, Udall said that he tricked his way through the physical exam and made it through officer school before anyone noticed. He was then sent to an island where the greatest threat to the troops was venereal disease. Udall quickly drew up a poster that read “BEAT THE AXIS WITH PROPHYLAXIS.” (That was the inspiration of the short-lived title for the Animal House video that read “Beat the Nazis with Voting Proxies,” which attracted such attention of late on another blog). The Navy was so thrilled with the poster, they gave Udall a small medal — allowing him to run as a war hero.

Do you have any suggestions for Cucolo? Something like “BEAT THE INSURGENCY WITH CELIBRACY” . . .

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