Expecting a Court Martial: General Announces New Policy to Court Martial Pregnant Women in Iraq

Maj. Gen. Anthony Cucolo has announced that getting pregnant or impregnating a fellow soldier is an offense punishable by a court-martial in Iraq. He has stated that he will not charge women who are raped.

The order for the 22,000 soldiers under Cucolo’s command has been justified on the basis that they cannot lose soldier to this form of friendly fire: “I need every soldier I’ve got, especially since we are facing a drawdown of forces during our mission. Anyone who leaves this fight earlier than the expected 12-month deployment creates a burden on their teammates. Anyone who leaves this fight early because they made a personal choice that changed their medical status — or contributes to doing that to another — is not in keeping with a key element of our ethos.”

What Cucolo needs is a catchy campaign slogan.

When I worked for Mo Udall in one of his campaigns, I was surprised to see a poster that read “Vote for Mo Udall, War Hero.” I asked him how a man with a glass eye got into World War II, let alone became a war hero. It was a long and hilarious story. However, to cut it short, Udall said that he tricked his way through the physical exam and made it through officer school before anyone noticed. He was then sent to an island where the greatest threat to the troops was venereal disease. Udall quickly drew up a poster that read “BEAT THE AXIS WITH PROPHYLAXIS.” (That was the inspiration of the short-lived title for the Animal House video that read “Beat the Nazis with Voting Proxies,” which attracted such attention of late on another blog). The Navy was so thrilled with the poster, they gave Udall a small medal — allowing him to run as a war hero.

Do you have any suggestions for Cucolo? Something like “BEAT THE INSURGENCY WITH CELIBRACY” . . .

For the full story, click here.

49 thoughts on “Expecting a Court Martial: General Announces New Policy to Court Martial Pregnant Women in Iraq”

  1. I really don’t see what the problem is here. If you’re in the army you have responsibilities, if you get pregnant they cannot be fulfilled. So why should it be ok to get pregnant? It’s not hard to prevent. But I do disagree with the lack of availability of plan B, if it’s pregnancy you’re trying to prevent…..

  2. No. The essence of the Nobel Peace Prize is the willingness and actual engagement in war. You show promise, so work your ideas harder and perhaps you will some day achieve the War is Peace Prize that you covet.

  3. David G.,

    The Obama administration would like to take this opportunity to welcome you aboard! 🙂

  4. Why doesn’t the General realize that if the troops procreate, that that will make up for casualties and those who are left limbless.

    It also means that the children can be introduced to army life earlier than usual which makes brainwashing them about how killing people is a good thing easier.

    Hopefully the General will reverse his edict and introduce ‘Insemination Booths’ to facilitate…well, it’s self-evident!

  5. You’re inability to comprehend the birds and the bees or that the simple fact is homosexuals don’t produce offspring from their pairing is irrelevant.

    Sex happens, genius. Hetero and Homo alike. If left alone long enough, masturbation happens too. Only rarely does celibacy spontaneously break out. I’ve seen it happen though. Especially when the mating choices are Neocons. You can do your own research, but eventually both men and women are going to find some way to relieve the sexual tension. Simple fact. You know, SEX, that other primal urge like HUNGER and THIRST. The one that doesn’t go away unless you are brain damaged or drugged. Life replicates and some life, including dolphins and many primates – which means humans BTW, will also engage in the replication activities simply because they are

    1) fun,

    2) a biological imperative and

    3) a way to release endorphins – the brain chemistry for both happiness and satisfaction.

    Now who the Hell in war zone would want to relieve some tension? Huh? More like “DUH!”

    So making it a crime for nature to follow its course makes about as much sense being upset because a square peg won’t fit in a round hole.

    So until you start a “super soldier” program that removes the sex drive from all troops?

    This isn’t a problem that is going away or that courts martial are capable of addressing except with empty lip flapping, poor rationale based on “readiness” like you are dealing with machines instead of people, and a plan to action that is doomed to failure. And that doom prediction? You bet your reasoning against mine if you like. Mine is based on 250,000 years of evolution. Yours seems based on some kind of jar-headed ignorance and wishful thinking.

    Logic isn’t your strong suit, Cap’n.

  6. Biology?

    Is this an affirmative defense? They just can’t help themselves?

    “If you weren’t such a bunch of half-witted homophobes at the command level this would be less of an issue simply as a matter of fact.”


  7. chris–

    I understand the problem–but what are civilians like me to make of Cucolo’s refusal to make Plan B more available?: “Commander Says He Won’t Court-Martial Pregnant Soldiers, Refuses To Make Plan B More Available”

    I’m adding the link to the article again for your convenience.


    Personally, I’d like to see all our military return home ASAP.

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