The Importance of Being Ernest: Wisconsin GOP Candidate Seeks To Outlaw Homosexuality, Abortion, and Pornography

Ernest J. Pagels is a politician who is not just satisfied with balancing the budget. He is campaigning on a promise to “outlaw” homosexuality as well as abortion and pornography. You may think he is running for Kandahar city council on the Taliban ticket, but he is one of the candidates vying for the GOP slot to challenge Russ Feingold in the Senate.

Here is Pagels’ pitch:

Hi my name is Ernest J. Pagels Jr., I’m a born again Christian, a U.S. veteran and a very conservative Republican. I’m running for U.S. Senate from the state of Wisconsin and if elected I will initiate a bill to outlaw homosexuality, abortion, and all forms of pornography. I think these are three ills that are plaguing our nation and bringing it down. And if elected, I will also initiate a bill for a Constitutional amendment which prohibits Congress and the President from spending more money than they bring in. My name is Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. and I hope you vote for me on September 14.

The campaign commercial is followed by a quotation from Matthew 28:17:

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Pagels will apparently teach all of us “to obey everything” commanded by the Bible. The problem it appears is runaway freedoms. Algernon observed the same thing in the The Importance of Being Ernest”: “Oh, it is absurd to have a hard and fast rule about what one should read and what one shouldn’t. More than half of modern culture depends on what one shouldn’t read.”Algernon, Act 1.