After appearing being rebuffed by the ATM at the bar, Hutton reportedly was escorted out and told to sit at a picnic table. Once there, he reportedly “exposed himself again and engaged in sexual intercourse with the wooden picnic table.” He may have been in an emotional tailspin after the ATM issued a slip saying he had insufficient funds.
It is not clear if Hutton will argue consent. After all, some of the banking slogans seemed designed to drive an ATM-loving man insane:
American Express. Do more.
A passion to Perform.
Because the Citi never sleeps.
Chase. The right relationship is everything.
Farmers. Gets you back where you belong.
Go ahead. You can rely on us.
Guardian. Enriching the lives of people we touch.
With such come hither slogans, can Hutton be blamed for getting the wrong message?
There is always one ATM at the bar that will have nothing to do with you. Of course, some ATMs can be downright cruel like Bank of America which simply says it has “Higher Standards.”
This is not the first person who has had relations with a picnic table, as we previously discussed. Prior objects of misplaced affection include cars, car vacuums, helicopters, and mailboxes.
As you might imagine, this particular crime does not have a direct provision in the criminal code. As a result, Hutton was charged not with “assault on an ATM” or even “commingling of funds,” but rather public intoxication. There does not appear to be an argument that the property damage is based on the fact that no one really wants to use the machine now.
It is not clear what is more precarious: the direct deposit or the withdrawal in an ATM-based relationship. However, since there was apparently no property damage, the police are treating it as a victimless crime. Presumably, the police are encouraging Hutton to discover the limitless potential of online banking.
Source: Tennessean