Laying Hands Upon The Messiah: Police Search For Jesus After Attack On Jedi

It may seem like the nightmare for some over the secularization of England, but police are hunting down Jesus this week.  It appears that a man dressed as Jesus for Halloween and attacked another man dressed as a “Jedi Knight” — leaving the second man with a broken ankle.

There was no turning of the other cheek in this “fancy dress” party. Jesus appears to have started the fight with a punch in the face.  It is not clear if Jesus was taunted by the Jedi to “Try Not: Do or Do Not.” Jesus did.

The assault at the Dundee University Student Association headquarters led police to issue the following notice:  “Officers would like to trace a man described as in his mid- 20s, about 5ft 10 and medium build, with long brown hair, a beard, and wearing long robes as a fancy dress costume.”

Anyone with information is asked to call police on 101 or anonymously contact Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111, quoting reference CR/28667/17  . . . though asking people to call if they have seen Jesus could be something of a problem.