Laying Hands Upon The Messiah: Police Search For Jesus After Attack On Jedi

Sacred-Heart-of-Jesus561623It may seem like the nightmare for some over the secularization of England, but police are hunting down Jesus this week.  It appears that a man dressed as Jesus for Halloween and attacked another man dressed as a “Jedi Knight” — leaving the second man with a broken ankle.

There was no turning of the other cheek in this “fancy dress” party. Jesus appears to have started the fight with a punch in the face.  It is not clear if Jesus was taunted by the Jedi to “Try Not: Do or Do Not.” Jesus did.

The assault at the Dundee University Student Association headquarters led police to issue the following notice:  “Officers would like to trace a man described as in his mid- 20s, about 5ft 10 and medium build, with long brown hair, a beard, and wearing long robes as a fancy dress costume.”

Anyone with information is asked to call police on 101 or anonymously contact Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111, quoting reference CR/28667/17  . . . though asking people to call if they have seen Jesus could be something of a problem.

18 thoughts on “Laying Hands Upon The Messiah: Police Search For Jesus After Attack On Jedi”

  1. Not to downplay the importance or entertainment value of this particular story, but I do hope that the Paradise Papers get some mention here. Looks like Wilbur Ross may have some ‘splainin’ to do. Not to mention our dear Attorney General, for different reasons. I know that it’s not as much fun to discuss the apparent problems of Trump’s Cabinet swamp creatures as it is to discuss President Hillary’s many flaws (or as much fun as it is to discuss the efforts of Donna Brazile to sell as many of her books as possible by talking out of all four sides of her mouth), but I do believe that President Hillary’s Presidential term already ended.

    1. And then there are probative facts like those Comey delineated against Hillary and Podesta’s activities while Mueller was FBI head.

      What did Mueller know and when did he know it?

      “Tony Podesta’s lobbying firm, the Podesta Group, represented the Russian-owned company Uranium One during former President Barack Obama’s administration and did not register under the Foreign Agents Registration Act, Podesta collected lobbying fees of $180,000 from Uranium One, according to the non-partisan Center for Responsive Politics, that discloses lobbying documents filed with Congress. The uranium company states on its web site it is a “wholly owned subsidiary” of RUSANO, the Russian State Corporation for Nuclear Energy.

      Special Counsel Robert Mueller already is scrutinizing Podesta and his firm for allegedly failing to register as a lobbyist for the European Center for a Modern Ukraine, a Ukrainian government entity. His role there is tied up with former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort who was indicted on 12 counts on Oct. 30, including the failure to register under the Foreign Agents Registration Act (FARA).

      A cabinet-led federal committee that included former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, approved the sale of Uranium One to RUSANO in 2010, that permitted Russia to acquire twenty percent of America’s uranium reserves.

      The sale of Uranium One to Russia today is the subject of at least three separate congressional committee investigations trying to determine if Bill Clinton and the Clinton Foundation received large financial gifts from Russians and from Uranium One’s owner and CEO. The committees are trying to determine if the gifts paved the way for the sale.

      The committees also are looking into new reports that an FBI informant obtained damaging criminal activity information on the Russian side of the sale which was never passed on to the Committee on Foreign Investment in the United States (CIFIUS), the cabinet-level committee that had to approve sales of U.S. companies and strategic assets to foreign countries.”

      1. Good evening George! Working overtime at flogging that depleted Uranium story are we? Have fun! And, by the way, if Mueller gets the goods on anyone named Podesta, that Podesta should be fair game. To uphold justice and the fine traditions of federal law enforcement, I expect Mueller to nail some Democrats, too, if the evidence supports him going after them. That will buy him some street creds.

  2. Hey Zeus, full of juice, don’t let your meat loaf.

    –And that’s all from here, Howard Demere.

  3. It’s Judas not Jedi. If you are going to seek revenge, at least know who you are attacking.

    1. Darren – there would be no reason for Jesus to get revenge on Judas. Without Judas there would be no Jesus the Christ, just Jesus of Nazareth.

        1. bfm – after years of Catholic theology I never understood why people were so upset with Judas, Without Judas, there is no Christ. He is the catalytic character in the story. It could have been any of them, just happened to have been Judas. The betrayal was pre-ordained and sadly Judas could not live with the guilt and hung himself.

          BTW, did you know that several actors who have played the role of Judas in Jesus Christ, Superstar, have hung themselves to death. Method actors, what can you say. I always tried to stay away from them because they can become or are already annoying.

              1. It is. As an aside, Jo Ann Pflug/Lt. Dish/Mary Magdalene performed her sexual magic on John Schuck/Capt. Waldowski/Jesus in the movie. Will miracles never cease?

                1. Al O’Heem – I have this feeling that Mary did not have to work that hard for the miracle to happen. 😉

          1. “BTW, did you know that several actors who have played the role of Judas in Jesus Christ, Superstar, have hung themselves to death.”

            Couldn’t be the material, could it? Actors and gin drinkers, never trust a one of them.

          2. Paul S.,
            Regarding Judas’ role, have you read The Nazarene: A Novel Based on the Life of Christ by Scholem Asch?

            I think you would really enjoy it. Judas’ role is portrayed differently than is typical. The author sources apocrypha, in part, to create the story.

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