This week a homeless man in California hit a fellow transient in the face with a skateboard over a disagreement about quantum physics. In San Francisco, Jason Everett Keller, 40, allegedly attacked, Stephan Fava, over a disputed physics question.
At the time of the attack, Fava was discussing quantum physics with a third homeless man.
I have been warning for years about the danger of “fighting words” in quantum physics discussions. I confess that I have come close to blows when I hear someone disparage Planck’s Action Constant in a bar.
For the Turley bloggers, here are a few pointers to avoid when you find yourself in a heated discussion with an amateur physicist. Likewise, one has to learn to control one’s temper when someone says “Hey, Buddy, I don’t care what the correspondence principle says, all objects do not have to obey the laws of quantum mechanics.”
In the interest of quantum peace, here are my top five favorite pick-up lines for physicists:
1. What’s your resonance frequency?
2. Your smile is warmer than hydrogen plasma.
3. I’m hung like a Foucault pendulum.
4. Heisenberg was wrong. I’m certain about what you’re doing tonight.
5. You make me want to be a better physicist.
For the story, click here.
Laugh if you want. The Heisenberg line works.
This may be taking a low blow, but was he trying to prove his point of view of his understanding of QP?
Buddha,
Please do explain.
AY,
“4. Heisenberg was wrong. I’m certain about what you’re doing tonight.”
Werner Heisenberg was a physicist. A contemporary of Einstein and Bohr, he was retained by the Reich to manage their nuclear weapons program. He did such a sketchy job of it, that many physicists are convinced he was playing ‘monkey wrench’ instead of ‘Nazi scientist’. He’s famous for several theories but especially in quantum mechanics. His most famous conjecture is the Uncertainty Principle (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncertainty_principle) and by the terms of that conjecture one may not measure the velocity or position of a subatomic particle with arbitrary precision – i.e. you can measure either property but not both. The implication being that uncertainty is built into the fabric of reality and that observation changes reality by fixing one data point as the other becomes unknown. Everett’s Many Worlds theory came about from disagreements about both Heisenberg and Schrodinger’s take on uncertainty and observation. The humor here comes from the certainty the joker alludes to concerning his chances of bedding the joke-ee in light of uncertainty as juxtaposition. Juxtaposition is almost as universally required in comedy as exaggeration, even when used as a pick up line.
And that is how to vivisect a joke.
Mr. Buddha,
Thank you for the reverential treatment of the explanation of you humor which is funny. I thought I saw a joke in it but It was lost on me at the time. Thank you again.
AY,
You are most welcome. One lives to be of service. And please . . . Mr. Buddha is my father. You can call me plain old Buddha.
“Juxtaposition is almost as universally required in comedy as IS exaggeration, even when used as a pick up line.”
That verb is important to the meaning of that sentence.
that Heisenberg line was very funny. Although I should think most women at a bar or men for that matter would not understand the humor.
It is like reading Shakespeare and knowing that it should be funny but since one does not know the joke in the context of the times it is just out of reach.
It’s funny for a fish monger without any proper historical context on anything to talk about the contextual nature of comedy. (see ‘Merchant of Venice’ to get the joke)
IS,
That is why I asked for clarification. I thought there was a yoke in there but I did not understand it. So rather than it being assumed I was amused. I asked. Most of the people here will try and explain it in rationale way if only allowed. Most here are rationale.
Another topic, I was wondering if the new found troll like people are people+trolls=Petrolls are really the make up of the Scientology group?
Opps,
Buddha, Thanks for the clarification. Not Mr. Buddha, but just plain ole Son of a Buddha…
Just adding my (2)two cents:
“Something unknown is doing we don’t know what.
Sir Arthur Eddington (1882 – 1944), comment on the Uncertainty Principle in quantum physics, 1927″
AY: “Most here are rationale.”
LOL
And those that are can be presumed to be irrational some of the time.
AY: I think we are on the road to becoming Heisenberg’s Disciples; which would also be a pretty cool name for a biker club made of of physicists. As would Schrodinger’s Cats- if they were of sufficient age to dig the Beat resonance.
Great article Professor, thanks for the laugh.
As per usual, life imitates The Onion.
If I could ever find a girl who would understand those pick up lines, then I’d really be set…
Eleven dimensions….hmmph! Three should be good enough for most people except for you lefty elitists out there.
Popehat,
From the Onion:
“Then, a few days ago, he was out there waving his tin-foil wand at random strangers, and I heard him yell, ‘I demand that you buy me an ice-cream cone! My third-favorite flavor is strange! My second-favorite is top! My favorite flavor is anti-charmed!’ Suddenly, I realized the guy was talking about quarks.”
It’s almost as if he’s channeling Max Planck and Groucho Marx simultaneously. That was one of the funnier things I’ve read in a while. Thanks.
Now I’m off to get an anti-charmed and strange malt with extra malt and a dash of gluons. Yum yum. I’ll stay a week or two, but I am telling you, I must be going.
eniobob
Just adding my (2)two cents:
“Something unknown is doing we don’t know what.
Sir Arthur Eddington (1882 – 1944), comment on the Uncertainty Principle in quantum physics, 1927″
A timeless observation, one applied now to dark matter and dark energy as I recall. That’s a great quote.
————-
Well, Mike, some posters to this blawg have inferred that not all of us here had a firm grasp of reality. In the future they can just call us Uber-Multi-Dimensional Thinkers. And if they don’t we can smack them with our skateboards
so…..Heisenberg goes for a drive.
He is pulled over by a traffic cop who asked “Do you know how fast you were going?”
Heisenberg replied, “No, but I know where I am.”
{rimshot}
Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
A: Because when they find the position, they can’t find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can’t find the position.
A neutron walked into a bar and asked, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, no charge.”
Q: What did one quantum physicist say when he wanted to fight another quantum physicist?
A: Let me atom.
“Heisenberg might have slept here.”
Dr. Heisenberg stated unequivocally that he may or may not
have been responsible for the Uncertainty Principle
Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?
There once was a man named Fisk
Whose fencing was exceedingly brisk
So fast was his action
That the relativistic contraction
Turned his rapier into a disk
CEK and Bob,
Bravo!
Why don’t they put here a picture of Heisenberg?
Propaganda, I guess!
C.Everett Kook…Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?
Is this Schroedinger’s Cat?
I wonder if the homeless dude was a lawyer?
There is a case where two lawyers came to blows in the court room.
The judge came off the bench to quell it and was hit behind the ear and staggered, but recovered and responded with a blow that decked the lawyer.
The judge then ordered the jury to help hold down the other one.
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/abstract.html?res=950DE4D6143FE533A25752C2A9609C94649FD7CF
Using a skateboard he was simply trying to prove to the other man that two objects can’t occupy the same space at the same time.
If you really want to see a knock down drag out between these two, just bring up String Theory …
Mojo,
there is an entire discussion on string theory under the gay exorcism. You should read that and become enlightened!
My limited contribution is to direct your attention to this:
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/113/the-story-of-schroedingers-cat-an-epic-poem
lol
Got to love that Cecil Adams.
Jill -
That makes sense because string theory and gay exorcism are totally related.
Well, of course now I’ve got to read that thread …
Mojo,
“That makes sense because string theory and gay exorcism are totally related.” That is funny and some day we’ll probably find out it’s true!
Matthew N.
Check out this site:
“W E L C O M E to Science Connection, the meeting place for single science professionals and others with an interest in science or nature.”
http://www.sciconnect.com/
This is a legitimate and good site.
Two physicists were talking string theory, specifically the black hole event horizon controversy involving Hawking and Preskill’s bet, which Hawking lost, when a black chick walked up and smacked one of them.
http://physicsworld.com/cws/article/news/19926
Dredd:
who did she smack? It had to have been Hawking.
Be very careful making fun of physicists. As usual, science fiction has the prediction:
QUOTE “Judgment Day” by L. Sprague de Camp
This is the ultimate Revenge story, in that the fate of the Earth and humankind is at stake and is to be decided by a single individual. Physicist Wade Ormont has discovered a process whereby the lowly element lead can be used as a strange catalyst in combination with other processes to transform the substantial quantities of lead in the earth’s crust to release enough nuclear energy to destroy the entire planet. After checking and rechecking his calculations, he debates whether to release his paper or not, knowing full well that even if buried for security reasons it will eventually be leaked, and most likely trickle into the hands of crackpots or blackmailers or worse, who would have no moral compunctions in using his findings to destroy the world. The bulk of the story then switches to Ormont’s own psyche and upbringing as a frail and bullied child.
Genetically intelligent, but physically frail and uninterested in interaction with his fellow schoolmates, he is hazed, bullied, embarrassed and tortured to no end—both in public school and a short stint in military school, which was his mother’s idea but which his father was against. He never dated until he was thirty, and following a brief failed marriage has given up women altogether. With some small measure of conscience, aware that most of the men and women on Earth have never harmed him, he nevertheless carries a lifelong grudge against those who bullied him in his youth. He arrives at the following conclusion: “There is one way I can be happy during my remaining years, and that is by the knowledge that all these bullies will get theirs some day. I hate them. I hate them. I hate everybody. I want to kill mankind. I’d kill them by slow torture if I could. If I can’t, blowing up the earth will do. I shall write my report.” UNQUOTE
By Dave Truesdale, Source: http://www.tangentonline.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=383&Itemid=165
Story in Astounding, 1955, later in a collection of Judgment Day and other stories. They say DeCamp himself was a lot like Ormont and had a lot of similar experiences growing up.
http://us.altermedia.info/news-of-interest-to-white-people/albert-einstein-plagiarist-and-fraud_1295.html
Amazing article, says that Einstein is a plagiarist. I wonder if anybody believes in this joke?
I would not believe, but, on the other hand, why didn’t he got Nobel Prize for the Relative Theory?
Heisenberg for instance did get Nobel Prize of Quantum Mechanics, right?
Umberto Bartocci’s de Pretto vs Einstein assertion is known, but he’s never published a scholarly work on the matter so most people consider it unproven Italian chest thumping over a coincidence. The history of science is littered with similar little territorial squabbles of varied merit. This one ranks toward the “low value” end.
Werner Heisenberg won the Nobel for Physics in 1932 “for the creation of quantum mechanics, the application of which has, inter alia, led to the discovery of the allotropic forms of hydrogen” as the Prize committee put it.
Oh, and before I forget. Einstein won in 1921. For relativity.
Pardon me, I stand corrected. I went to double check myself and Einstein won “for his services to Theoretical Physics, and especially for his discovery of the law of the photoelectric effect”.
Yes, interesting, thanks for the comments!
Who knows, may be he did “borrow” some ideas from his predecessors. One thing I know is that the fact that the speed of light is always the same does follow from Maxwell’s equations.
In fact there are many sites on the internet claiming Einstein- plagiarist.
Here is just one more of them:
http://www.newsnet14.com/2003/12/albert-einstein-genius-or-plagiarist/
I guess I will read this article completely then try to make a judgment.
Stevs, I have also read that. Don’t know if it’s true though.
Of course the response to the Heisenberg Line “Heisenberg was wrong. I’m certain about what you’re doing tonight.” would be, “Perhaps, but you don’t know where I will be doing it.”