Massachusetts Police Nab Five-Year-Old Fugitive Bibliophile

Charlton (Mass.) police have finally tracked down Hailey Benoit after months of fugitive hiding. This week the five-year-old went to the door and found justice waiting in the form of a police sergeant demanding to know where are the two library books that have been overdue for two months. I expect the prosecutor will take the next natural step and throw the book at her.

The police have been apologetic but insist that it was the local library who sent them on the trial of five-year-old Hailey. Her mother described a freaked out child who asked if she was about to be arrested. Remarkably, she was not placed in custody and given time in jail to consider her bibliophilic crimes. My assumption is that the prison librarian did not want her kind in the cellblock. It is probably for the best. Hailey would have just come out a hardened bookhorder with a prison Dr. Seuss tattoo.

We have previously discussed the over-criminalization of society, but this takes the cake. Charlton must have the lowest crime rate in the country if they have worked down to little Hailey as the felon of the day.

By the way, the family insists that it received no warning before the library police came knocking.

Source: CBS

31 thoughts on “Massachusetts Police Nab Five-Year-Old Fugitive Bibliophile”

  1. Correction, Angryman: You know where I live[d]. I ran away from home as soon as I figured out the plot. I have a disguise, too! Dressed up as a nice lady; they will never find me!

  2. Be afraid; be very afraid. We know where you live Malisha. We’ll have that six cents again yet.
    The Library Tactical Assault Team Leader
    Ah ha ha ha ha AAAH ha ha ha etc.


    I also thought that when I kept a book a day or two too long, although I paid my fine with pennies and nickles I had earned honestly, that I got a bad reputation in the library and the next time I went in, they’d say: “That’s her! She was late last time and had to pay 6 cents! She’s no good!”

    20 years after I resolved these unnatural fears, I got reactivated PTSD when a Circuit Court judge issued an order saying I was deceitful because I pretended to be nice when I wasn’t! I got so upset I forgot to return my books (three books: “How to deal with irrational guilt,” “The Borrowers” and “False Positives for Niceness: the untold story”) to the library and now I’m afraid of every knock on the door!

  4. Backward US-UK witchunt Anglo-Fascists, next they’ll be dawn-raidin’ millions of proactive Adultophiles for predatory groomin’ Beiber online !

  5. Looks like we have our first good case for Indefinite Detention.

    If we let this get to court; you know what will happen.

    The 5 year old’s high priced liberal Attourney will no doutb find a clever loop-hole or other to get her off.

    Probably get probation and community service

    No; if we want to deter serious crimes like stealing a book or a loaf of bread we better just pick them up; ship them off to Guantanamo and let them stay there until they learn how to live in a free society.

    Or better yet; we could just set her free. Then in a few years she can learn what it is like to live in a prison as will we all.

    Now that i think about; why should she get off with Detention? She should have to live in the new American Police State like the rest of us………………………………….That’ll show her.

  6. “Throw the book at her”? That implies using a book, which might imply rule of law. Wasn’t the Defense Authorization bill signed into law?

    Clearly the Founders intended that extreme acts such as what this little girl did would be outside of the bounds of habeas corpus. Isn’t this the sort of thing that the Founders planned would be dealt with in military prisions outside of US territory?

  7. Not a good move for the PD, but isn’t just a bit deceiving to show the kid with cuffs on? Did the girl really get cuffed or not?

  8. Great use of our tax dollars..Hope the little girl isn’t too traumatized and that this doesn’t comes back to haunt her later in life when looking for a job.

  9. anon nurse,

    Thank you! That’s it and there’s many more great ones in the series!

  10. There was a bunch of paintings riffing on the pepper spraying of UC Davis protesters. One had the cop spraying school children as part of police “career day” at the school. Somehow, this comes to mind!

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