Mayan Apocalypse A Dud: World Looks For Next Date For End-Of-Times

200px-Maya-MaskeIf you are reading this blog, it means that once again we have been duped. I woke up this morning to find civilization continuing and all of my court filings and exam grades still due. I was counting on the apocalypse and frankly I will never trust an ancient Mayan again. I was a bit suspicious when they failed to foresee their own destruction in the 9th Century.

We came to Chicago for the end of times and, as a back-up plan, Christmas. We made it without hitting Blizzard Draco. THe kids were excited about encountering the Slytherin storm. We made it in eleven hours from Virginia — not bad given a truck accident on I-70 that blocked us for a while.

Of course, experts have long stressed that the Mayans did not actually predict the end of the Earth. That did not stop thousands of people building underground bunkers or fly to remote spots around the Earth. It does appear that there is a certain fraction of humanity that does not just believe in the end of times but actually longs for it. This must be another bad day but I am sure that an apocalyptic date will appear soon. Indeed, I am convinced that the Mayans did foresee the end of civilization and that the dates on the calendar do correspond remarkably to the losses of the Chicago Bears — the team widely accepted as God’s team. That would make this Sunday’s game not just key for the team to have a chance for the payoffs but possibly the future of our species. Indeed, if you look closely the Mayan above bears passing resemblance to Lovie Smith in a helmet. For all of us, I can only say “Go Bears.”

33 thoughts on “Mayan Apocalypse A Dud: World Looks For Next Date For End-Of-Times

  1. I just heard from an acquaintance who is a United Church of Christ minister up near the Canadian border. He said he always thought the Mayan apocalypse would be accompanied by fire, brimstone and wrath, but instead they have a blizzard.

  2. Time flies. I’m still working on November. Someone said that Thanksgiving has come and gone and Christmas is next week! So the end of the world happened and I missed it?

    That calendar thing has been so misunderstood. Do you know how hard it is to carve all that detail? Day in and day out. The guy doing it just got tired of showing up every day and then one day just quit.

  3. how do we know this? Jell-O offered pudding to the Mayan Gods. It worked. The gods liked the offering of pudding and Jell-O saved the world from destruction.

    All hail Jell-O.

  4. @Bron: Well sure, they’ve been getting entrees for hundreds of years. Enough with the heart tartar, already, what’s for dessert?

  5. Any ladies here or mistress keepers ever heard of De Beers?

    Professor and others as relevant.
    Drink often, neither carbonated nor coffee. At least 1.5 quarts a day.
    Take a baby aspirin with a meal. Take a leg stretcher at least every two hours. You get leg emboli in cars, not only in airplanes.

    Strokes and heart attacks are a itch-bay. No doggone fun at all.

  6. @Idealist: I tried taking a baby aspirin a day. I discovered it interferes with my memory and retention of minute detail. As one example, I copied a rather complex equation from a book, and double-checked it term for term, and STILL mis-copied a small plus-sign in an exponent as a minus-sign. It took me about twenty minutes to discover my own error, and I could have sworn I saw a minus sign in the book, but it was clearly not. I had a few other similar problems with details I found disturbing.

    Such mistakes with minute details and differences are very uncharacteristic of me, but it started a few days after I starting taking a baby aspirin a day. It ended a few days after I stopped. As much as the statistical evidence supports that regimen, I cannot afford that side effect, or letting errors like that creep into my work.

  7. TonyC,

    Thanks for that. Few of us are so acute as to their capability to have noticed it as you did. I presume that you confirmed the effect for a few days before stopping the aspirin. Not just a “bad day” effect?

    Although, paracetamol which is the most common pain.killer here, and not related to acetyl salicyl acid, your info is enough to make me stop my daiily intake for painful legs for a months trial.

    On the other hand, my recommendation was not for standing daily intake, but one tab for a long trip.
    It is often the first given to cardiac infart patients here as it is quickest in thinning effect.

    One last point, from a friend: Are you sufficiently hydrated? Check on it. Has many effects.

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