God Hates Light Rail: Pastor Allegedly Struck Down After Advocacy of Public Transportation

Former Rep. Ed Pastor died in November of a heart attack at 75. Celia Contreras, a businesswoman from Phoenix, insists that he did not die of a heart attack but was rather struck down by God for his advocacy of the light rail. You read that right. There is nothing that God hates more than light rail.

Pastor was a long advocate of public transportation in Congress until his retirement in 2015. Celia Contreras, who operates a window tinting shop, warned city council members that God may strike them down if they get on the track for mass transit. She said that she was “coming in the name of Lord Jesus Christ” — and brought a flier that featured a photo of Pastor as an example of all those who test the anti-light rail teachings of the Almighty: “I weigh their acts on a balance for those who have done wrong in advancing this project and they shall receive their pay. For I am the Almighty.”

Pastor’s daughter is a city council member and left the meeting after seeing it.

I would think that the Almighty would be entirely supporting of mass transit. Putting aside the need to reduce carbon emissions, the bible is filled with passages that show the desperate need for light jail. Consider the 100 mile trip of Mary and Joseph from Nazareth to Bethlehem. It would have taken them 8-10 long days of walking. Yet, by rail, they could have made it in a few hours and might have even made it to the Inn before all of the rooms were taken. Likewise, Christ went into the desert for 40 days and 40 nights if he could have take a light jail back to his disciples. Then there was Ezra who “had begun the journey from Babylon on the first day of the first month, and he arrived in Jerusalem on the first day of the fifth month.” Ezra could have been scribing for four months in Jerusalem if he took the rail.

Indeed, light jail could have answered many questions in the Bible. When Nehemiah was sent to Jerusalem the King asked him “How long will your journey take and when will you return?” Imagine if he could just take out a train schedule and give him a precise time and date.

I am equally sure that God does not look kindly on those who claim that he smites down people over light rail projects. Expanded meter parking, yes, but never light rail planning.

11 thoughts on “God Hates Light Rail: Pastor Allegedly Struck Down After Advocacy of Public Transportation”

  1. Some rail at this and some rail at that and others rant and rave
    And some do it so many times they send others to an early grave.

  2. Fun with auto-correct…

    “Christ went into the desert for 40 days and 40 nights if he could have take a light jail back to his disciples.”

    “Putting aside the need to reduce carbon emissions, the bible is filled with passages that show the desperate need for light jail”

    “Indeed, light jail could have answered many questions in the Bible.”

  3. Nancy Pelosi is for light rail. Perhaps this explains why she is so incoherent and looks possessed by Satan? Cue one of those hundreds of “doctored” videos!!!

  4. Today is a good day to study the scriptures:

    The abomination versus, doomsday prophets & Pastor Kenneth Copeland

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