Lactose Intolerance: Florida Man Accused Of Slashing Cousin In Argument Over Almond Milk

According to Lehigh Acres (FL) police, you have to be really careful if Justin Garcia, 30, asks you if you “got milk?” Garcia is accused of slashing his cousin in an argument of the merits of almond milk versus whole milk.

According to the arrest report, police went to the home in response to a disturbance call.  The cousin said that he and Garcia engaged “in a verbal argument about what milk is better, almond milk, or whole milk.” The dispute became physical “when Garcia became enraged at the victim for disagreeing with him.”

Garcia punched his cousin in the forehead, prompting the victim to strike Garcia in the shoulder. Garcia then allegedly pulled out a “pocket knife with a three-inch blade” and chased his cousin until he slashed him on the left side. The cut is described as a “laceration” and did appear life threatening. An uncle pulled Garcia away until police arrived. Garcia claimed that the victim “thinks he is better than the whole family.” However, the whole milk not the whole family triggered this response.

Garcia is now charged with aggravated battery. He has a criminal record, which could be an aggravating factor in sentencing with the defendant reportedly having a probation violation and a prior weapons charge.

For the record, the Trump Administration has cracked down on the use of the word “milk” to reference any other than products that come from animals that lactate. A Morning Consult/Politico poll found that 46 percent of U.S. adults say the label “milk” should not be used to describe nondairy beverages. It is not clear how many would maintain this lactose line with violence but milk appears to be the new “fighting words” controversy in Florida.

11 thoughts on “Lactose Intolerance: Florida Man Accused Of Slashing Cousin In Argument Over Almond Milk”

  1. Crime is a crime.. The trigger is a trigger.. It’s who loads the weapon and take off the safety that’s important to the case. Pelosi sets people up like that on a daily basis. Schumer and the rest of that bunch. Now what is not a deterrent? Old Age. Some of us might be starting to see it as a way to free health care or way around lawyers and doctors seeking to turn a good life into a cruel and unusual punishment. Then there is the old age care homes. Now that is a open and shut case for cruel but not unusal punishment. I’ve often though as the years roll by we should have fought one more battle not in Vietnam but in Washington DC But HOW that many years ago do you determine a Pelosi or a Schumer much less a Communist runningi for Vice President? Must be the founders left some things wide open and maybe that’s why the Pelosians are so bent on killing off future cannon fodder for their wars at an early age?

  2. I want to know which position Garcia was taking? Pro-almond milk or pro-cow’s milk? And the reasoning behind each position. This is critical to understanding the story, JT.

  3. God: What are they doing down there?
    Angel: They are making milk from almonds.
    God: What?! I gave them, like, 8 different animals to get milk from!
    Angel: They didn’t like that milk.
    God: [mockingly] They don’t like that milk! *flips table*

  4. An appropriate loooong sentence would be to work on a State Farm extracting almond milk by crushing almonds barefoot. Like we do wine.

  5. Well, it a controversy that has been passed down through the ages like that other perplexer “how do the thermos bottle know?”

  6. Clearly something is wrong with this family (and 46% of Americans). Cow’s milk isn’t even very good for the humans who can process it. The milk mustache we’ve been sold on since the 90’s is a lie. And while both cow’s milk and almond milk are huge drains on the water resources in this country and California in particular, which is looking more and more like Fury Road everyday, cows result in a substantially larger methane footprint. I’m sure one wanted to save the planet and the other his life. Can’t we all just get along?

    1. Sounds like it’s actually Kool-Aid you’ve been drinking. Well-sourced whole milk (and beef!) is one of the most nutritionally complete foods on earth, and the vast majority of people do just fine with it.

      That is nothing new in California, it’s been in that shape for many decades, but heaven forbid you hold the leadership there accountable. Additionally, it’s their oil industry and big agriculture that have wrought most of the damage. It is the height of absurdity to point to cows, and replacing them with more big agriculture will only make things there worse. There is such a thing as ethical farming.

      Lastly, it would be really nice if folks like yourself would stop projecting what amount to your personal opinions onto the entirety of the human race. You may not be, but you sure sound like a classic millennial in your diatribe.

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