Motion to Enlarge: New Jersey Lawyer Loses Bid Against Defective “Enlargement” Device

288px-washington_monument_dusk_jan_2006Englewood attorney Harold M. Hoffman has achieved a curious notoriety in legal circles after his prolonged effort to sue a company for false advertising of a penis enlargement product that did not meet his expectations. He lost another round before the New Jersey appellate court.

Hoffman brought the action under the state’s Consumer Fraud Act. Among other things, Hoffman insisted the the company, Hampshire Labs, promised that its product would “female partners to experience spine-quaking orgasms” and other unrealized benefits.
Here is an excerpt from the opinion:

On November 26, 2007, plaintiff filed a complaint in the trial court individually and on behalf of a class of persons who purchased a product called Herculex. Plaintiff claimed that defendants Hampshire Labs, Inc. and Video Age, Inc. “advertised, promised and represented” to consumers through “print, internet and other media” that the product contained certain ingredients “‘that are quickly transported through the tissues of the penis causing a surprisingly large erection to occur in no time at all[.]'”

According to the complaint, defendants’ advertisements included various statements about the product, including claims that the product would “‘[i]nduce the biggest erections of your life;'” “‘[i]nduce a harder, stiffer, more rigid erection;'” “‘[i]nduce one erection after another;'” and “‘[c]ause female partners to experience spine-quaking orgasms[.]'” These, and other results, were “‘guaranteed.'”

The appellate court upheld the dismissal with the view that Hoffman’s failure to show demonstrable results from the product still failed to show any “ascertainable loss.” It could have been worse: the court could have remanded to allow a motion to sever.

The court however did give Hoffman another chance to amend his complaint against the mail-order health foods supplier, Hampshire Labs Inc. It is hard to believe that Hampshire is not on the up-and-up. After all, their ads have people in white coats and offer such scientifically proven products as “horny goat weed.”

Hoffman pleads to continue and to file a new complaint on behalf of himself and the class of very very disappointed New Jersey men.

For a copy of the opinion, click here.
For the full story, click here.

23 thoughts on “Motion to Enlarge: New Jersey Lawyer Loses Bid Against Defective “Enlargement” Device

  1. JT:

    “It could have been worse: the court could have remanded to allow a motion to sever.”
    ******************

    So long as he avoids a writ of ejectment (De ejectione firmae) or the famed English writ of Breve de recto*, he should be ok.

    *The King to ________, greetings. We command you that without delay you do full right to _______________ of one messuage with the appurtenances in Trumpington which he claims to hold of you by free service of [so much] per annum for all service, of which ___________________ deforceth him. And unless you will do this, let the sheriff of Cambridge do it that we may hear no more clamour thereupon for want of right.

    (It was just too funny to leave off. No more clamour, indeed!)

  2. This man is a national treasure. Suppose we had given that stuff out to Afghan warlords? Where would our credibility be now?

  3. This lawyer is hardly litigious…

    Seems to me that some perceived “wrongs” just do not belong in courts of law.

    Thanks for the ‘clean’ mirth, folks.

  4. JT,

    ‘Motion to Enlarge?’

    Of all the shameless puns…

    Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘Motion To Enlarge Time…’

    And I have you to thank for it.

    I wonder if I should hire Mespo to file a suit on my behalf.

  5. Bob, Esq.:

    “I wonder if I should hire Mespo to file a suit on my behalf.”

    *************

    You — like everyone else — should. I think JT is guilty of reckless punning, and needs to be enjoined! A writ of gagus professorus seems in order.

  6. Mespo,

    While I don’t feel physically ill, thereby precluding (I think) a claim in negligent infliction of emotional stress, I am suffering to something akin to ‘hyper-lyric-tosis.’

    Hyper-lyric-tosis, to be clear, is the condition in which one suffers from the inability to remove a certain song from his head.

    Likewise, every time I see the words “Motion to Enlarge” I’m brought back to JT’s pun and the images associated therewith.

    Can we get punitives?

  7. >>>It is hard to believe that Hampshire is not on the up-and-up.
    After all, their ads have people in white coats and offer such scientifically proven products as “Horny Goat Weed”. <<<

    I can’t believe they actually sell this stuff;
    I thought you made it up!
    At last, a clue to the smile on “The Happy Goat”!

    P.S. Thank-you for indulging me by posting a favorite song;
    I too am periodically afflicted with Hyper-lyric-tosis!

  8. To those who suffer Hyper-lyric-tosis:

    It’s not a cure, but it’s a tonic.

    The Theme to “I Dream of Jeannie” by Hugo Montenegro.

    It’ll drive off all but the most persistent lyric and has only the mild side effects potentially derailing your NASA career. Be forewarned! Use the TV instrumental version ONLY. There is a version with lyrics that could have prolonged and unpleasant side effects.

  9. Bob,

    Sorry, but MC 900 Ft. Jesus is a particular personal favorite. What can I say? Funny music appeals to me when it’s well done, especially his tune “Adventures in Failure”. But I won’t argue he doesn’t stick to your brain like crazy glue. Sound advice to avoid if prone to the dread disease.

  10. this guy harold hoffman… he can’t practice real law so he initiates frivolous and vexatious, abuse of process law suits to try and get companies to settle out of court… simply to avoid the hassle…. check out for yourself how many actions he has taken against companies!!!! desperate people do desperate things!!! he is obviously desperate! get a life hoffman!! find a real job….. bottom feader!

  11. It is amazing (yet, not unbelieveable, due to the lack of education in the US)that the attorney, trying to right a wrong being done to unsuspecting ( and, ignorant)us buyers has become the laughing-stock of the same shmucks that, probably, bought the same shit, and, are embarrased to admit that they did

    For the past 28 years I have been responding to these ads for male enhancements and penis enlargement pill, patches, sprays, capsules, salves and cage-stretchers with the offer to send samples for testing their claims and, NONE have, EVER responded!!!! WHY?? Because their CRAP does not work!!! When I ask for any clinical testing of their product, all they repeat is the known, or suggested effect of the ingredients used in their concoction!! But never… any proof nor laboratory test of their CLAIM. Longinexx, tauted by porn guru Ron “Scumbag” Jeremy is crap in capsules. ANYTHING, promoted by ANY so-called porn Star CAN’T be of any use… most of them can’t spell their own name!!!

    I am a graduate Naturopathic physician and these parasites marketing “natural dietary supplements” as miracle products are hurting the same idiots or their relatives that laugh at people like the attorney in New Jersey!

    Thanks,

    Dr. DeLeon

  12. “Hoffman pleads to continue and to file a new complaint on behalf of himself and the class of very very disappointed New Jersey men.”

    Professor, I don’t know why you don’t mention the very very very disappointed New Jersey women. (When you consider the claims…)

    Felix Frankfurter, I agree about the unwarranted criticism of the attorney; I have seen frivolous lawsuits (lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of them) and this does not strike me as one. I think the court is saying that NOT getting a terrific erection does not equal damages; obviously, most of the judges would know that from experiences they had “dehors the record.” But about the merriment — I think that’s fair game.

    A few years back I had an aol account, given to me as a Christmas present by someone who had paid to get e-mail and then she could add four more individuals to her account. I became annoyed at the aol account because I was receiving, each day, about a dozen advertisements about evenly broken down as follows, ALL USING MY NAME IN THE ADDRESS (and my real name is recognizable as feminine):

    Malisha, buy our product to enlarge your penis, [words to that effect]
    Malisha, buy our product to enlarge your breasts, [ditto ditto ditto]

    Never did I click on any of these annoying messages but I was aware, because of the sheer volume of them, that there was a very active market for products promising those results. There is a certain attraction to the argument: “Anybody who buys these products deserves to be cheated” but on the other hand, that’s exactly what consumer protection is about. People who desperately WANT to believe they will get something they think they DESPERATELY NEED can be fleeced. That doesn’t make it fair advertising to fleece them.

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