In celebration of Valentine’s Day, I give you the best criminal cases from the last year of amorous relationships gone bad. There are times when society simply does not understand the attraction of a man to a park bench, mannequin, or car vacuum. That is what this special day is all about on the Larceny of Love. Below are the 2009 winners of the Valentine Villains of Forbidden Love.
After all, let us not forget that this day memorializes a criminal. Valentine was a priest from the third century in Rome who secretly married people after Emperor Claudius II outlawed marriage for young men (to make them better soldiers). He was put to death for his crimes.
Criminal defense lawyers must always warn their clients that, in the words of William Shakespeare, “Love all, trust a few.”
In honor of St. Valentine, here is this year’s five top choices for those jailed for forbidden love.
Harold M. Hoffman was charged for his loving relationship with blow up dolls. Cape Coral Police say that witnesses observed him “performing activity to two different blow up dolls in his vehicle that was consistent with masturbation and other simulated sexual activity.” He was also accused of “aggressively” kissing the dolls.
Arthur Price was arrested simply because the object of his affection was park bench. Price has allegedly admitted to having the human-on-picnic-table encounters and was charged with four counts of public indecency.
The vacuum man arrested after being caught in flagrante delicto with a car wash vacuum. In Thomas Township, Michigan, police arrested a 29-year-old man for “receiving sexual favors from a vacuum” at a car wash. As Hoover once advertised, “Nobody does it like Hoover.”
Edward Smith who consummated his relationship with various cars. Smith has publicly admitted that he has made love to over 1000 cars, including his current serious relationship with ,a white Volkswagen Beetle (Love Bug) named Vanilla.
Ronald A. Dotson who was jailed to keep him from continuing to assault mannequins.
Runners-up include another man was arrested for a liaison with a gate and yet another with bicycle, here and here.
These are the Valentine Villains of Love for 2009. If Barbara De Angelis was correct when she said “Love is a choice you make from moment to moment,” these were the wrong choices.
As a former psychotherapist the idea of having these five together in a therapy group would either be sublime, or my worst nightmare.
The problem with these guys is they failed to use:
“SaveMyAss is a flower delivery service / relationship insurance policy. We send flowers to your girlfriend or wife on a regular basis.” Although it probably would be difficult to put in birthdates and other important information for some of the “love objects”.
http://www.savemyass.com/home
Now see, this is where if I were a Neocon paymaster, I’d want my money back. Talk about ineffective and unrelated spam. Pst . . . hey, Neocons. You’re desperation is showing. As are your poor management skills.
On a more topical note, I was recently inspired to read a little about saints by some of mespo’s postings. What I found interesting is St. Valentine is the patron of bees and beekeepers. Sweet with a chance of sting – if that’s not love, I don’t know what is. But he’s not the patron of chance encounters. That’s St. Raphael. I was also surprised about how little seems to be known about the historical St. Valentine other than the tale about the note.
I have to confess, St. Valentine has a personal connection. It’s not that I’m looking for love as a divorcee either. Tomorrow is Galileo’s birthday. It’s mine too, but I’m holding up better than my man from Padua via Pisa. I can’t tell you how much candy I used to get for my birthday as a kid. Don’t get me wrong, I love chocolate almost as much as Patty, but when you wanted a bike, it’s hard to ride a caramel nougat around the block. The faster you peddle, the faster it melts. I don’t feel bad or sorry for myself though. Far from it. I know worse off in the birthday gift arena – a cousin who had the hugely poor discretion to be born on Christmas.
So even if Valentine’s Day is a “holiday lite”, it holds a place in my heart. As do you, loyal Turlees, fans of justice and exemplars of Constitutional and libertarian ideals. When I am being battered by the cruelties of the world, it gives me comfort to know I am not alone in wanting to fix the obviously broken and that my company are kind, thoughtful and intelligent people. Buddha may be laughing at Neocons, but he laughs WITH you and because of you.
Happy Valentine’s Day, my friends.
And thanks again JT for providing this forum. It’s a gift every day.
happy valentine’s day. this post was perfect! thanks.
What kills a skunk
February 14, 2009
Rep. Aaron Schock, whose llinois district is home to Caterpillar, spoke on the floor about the president’s speech to his constituents and their telling response. Caterpillar has been a central part of Obama’s stimulus pitch the past couple of days, but the pitch has been bumbled, as the rest of the stimulus message has been. Obama claimed the Caterpillar CEO told him he’d be rehiring some of his 22,000 laid-off workers as soon as the stimulus bill was passed, but Owens later flatly contradicted the President’s claim.
Schock’s constituents were urged by the president himself to tell Schock to vote “yes,” but he was not approached by one constituent, Caterpillar employee or otherwise, asking him to support the stimulus. Democrats can pass this monstrosity because they control both houses, but they should never get away with painting criticism of it as unreasonable or purely partisan. Criticism comes from every quarter– even from laid-off workers who are subject to an onslaught of the president’s patented Promises of an Implausible Nature and Grandiloquence of Economic Gloom.
Ham quotes Rep. Schock:
I found it very interesting that after the president finished his speech and I stayed around, not one employee at that facility approached me and asked me to vote for this bill. In fact, I have received over 1,400 phone calls, e-mails, and letters from Caterpillar employees alone asking me to oppose this legislation
cat man,
You are disgrace to cats. Even they can find the right litter box, so how about taking your crap elsewhere?
Yep, ya shoulda’ knowed that thar wuz a countree song ‘bout them poor fellars:
Lookin’ fir luv…
________________________
“…was looking for love in all the wrong places
Looking for love in too many faces”
“When I was alone then, no love in sight
And I did everything I could to get me through the night
Don’t know where it started or where it might end
I turn to a stranger, just like a friend…”
__________________________
I guess that some strangers are just *stranger* than some other strangers are…
Happy Valentine’s Day
OX
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/photos/uncategorized/2009/02/11/oxheart.jpg
FFLeo:
I’ll see your Johnny Lee and raise you a Steven Stills:
“If you’re down and confused, and you don’t remember who you’re talkin’ to. Concentration slip away, ‘cause your baby is so far away.
Well there’s a rose in the fisted glove and the eagle flies with the dove, and if you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with.”
Happy Valentine’s Day to all.
I’m standing on the edge of time.
I walked away when love was mine.
Caught up in a world of uphill climbing.
the tears are in my mind and nothin’ is rhyming…
Oh (insert love object of choice here)
Well you came and you gave without taking…
Happy Valentines Day JT, Payback for all the suffering you’ve put us through! And what does Barry mean about nothing rhyming when that’s all he’s doing?
Happy Valentines Day to All as well!
Patty C,
That is a neat, calming photo to set this day’s stage.
I thought that photo from PattyC was great too, but upon further research I’ve learned it’s just that guy from Nigeria who can turn himself into farm animals …
He gets around, too!
http://www.news.com.au/common/imagedata/0,,5561549,00.jpg
my valentines day present to all on this site it is an online library of classic literature and to all PG Wodehouse fans he is here too:
http://www2.hn.psu.edu/faculty/jmanis/jimspdf.htm
and a happy birthday to the Buddha
Happy Valentine’s Day to JT and All(no more lists) who come to this cyber bar. You are all such excellent company; especially the last few days. To Buddha and CCD a special shout out, one a day early and one a day late.
To Buddha: I wish you very Happy Birthday! I hope you spend a good portion of the day laughing!
To CCD: I sincerely thank-you for your service and am so sorry you have suffered from PTSD. You are not in anyway in the “light flyweight” category. You summed it up so well on Feb 13 2:53pm in the Saudi Victim thread : “The language is universal, *love* and all that it encompasses, compassion, forgiveness, tolerance. I sincerely invite you to keep coming back. The mature folks who contribute here speak the universal language fluently. Peace.”
So to All here and to all the ships at sea may we all find, speak, and enjoy Love! Happy Valentines Day!
P.S. If Mandy doesn’t do it for you try Matt Nathanson:
As an incurable romantic I’ve strangely never been fond of Valentine’s Day. Fortunately my beloved is of similar mind, although in our courting phase I did give her a heart of Godiva chocolates.
FFLEO, Mespo and Jill I’m trying to discern what’s behind your song choices. Mine would be Sugar Magnolia from the Grateful Dead:
She’s got everything delightful,
She’s got everything I need,
Takes the wheel when I’m seeing double,
Pays my tickets when I speed,
Mike:
Mine was geared to the topic “Larceny of Love,” and the cast of characters JT noted who have no compunction about loving the one (or thing) their with!
Buddha:
I am afraid that litigation has kept me from my usual pleasure in reading everyone’s comments and exchanges for the last couple of weeks. However, I just noticed one historically important fact that should not be missed. Buddha’s birthday is tomorrow (with such lesser known figures as Galileo). Happy Birthday Dear Buddha and thank you for enriching our site as one of our regulars.
Jonathan
Buddha:
Ditto what JT said, and cheers to you.
Mike:
I was trying to stay topical, and pay homage to JT’s rogues gallery above, by advancing their formula for happiness which is apparently to love the one (or thing)you’re with.
JT:
I think I (or my IP address anyway)have been banned from the site. Is an appeal possible??
Guess BUNGEE has set itself up as “my funny valentine”…
Could we please get those pallet loads of cash back from Iraq?
Professor and other well wishers,
Thank you all so very much. One lives to be of service. I’m going to resist having a Sally Field moment, but as I go about today with the intent of laughing as much as possible, I carry your kindness with me. With people like you in this world, I have little doubt that the Constitution and the rule of law will be eventually restored and the guilty brought low. Justice comes not from the end of a gun barrel, but from thoughtful and fair people of conscience like yourselves.
CEJ,
Please write in more often. It’s not true that people have already said what you were going to say. I’ve learned so much from you.
CCD,
I missed where you said you had served and came away with PTSD. I wish to echo everything CEJ said above. I am so sorry that you are living with PTSD. That is very difficult. I repect what you say and hope you keep writing. I’m not certain if I understood from CEJ that your birthday just past, if so: HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Buddha,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Mike,
I was putting in the Barry Manilow lyric as payback to JT for making us suffer so many prior BM’s in his previous posts!
CCD,
Happy Late Birthday! I am so remiss! Mea culpa. I have failed a brother Aquarian!
And I echo Jill and CEJ on the PTSD. I have a family member who suffers horribly from it (although unrelated to the war) and I wish you health and happiness.
CEJ,
Jill is correct. Your posts are always a positive contribution.
A belated happy birthday to Buddha and to CEJ, if that is the case. I’ve been out of the loop and under the sun. Jill BM is the perfect sobriquet for the man, but in his case the less heard the better. Buddha you “Light up my life lately,” in a manly kind of way of course. That’s not BM but the same quality of work.
Mespo:
I checked the IP addresses and there does not appear a match. Please try a test run.
JT
JT:
Look’s like I am back up and blathering.
Wow,
Happy belated Birthday Buddha!
Like JT and Mike S., I have been mostly otherwise engaged, of late.
For Buddha and all turlee Water-Bearers, I have put together some of my favorite ‘caper capers’. By chance, these are all from ‘Cooking Light’, but I add a hearty “Bon Appetit”!
Greek Chicken with Capers and Raisins in Feta Sauce
4 servings
Ingredients
* 4 (4-ounce) skinned, boned chicken breast halves
* 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
* 1 teaspoon dried oregano
* 1 tablespoon olive oil
* 1 cup thinly sliced onion
* 3 garlic cloves, minced
* 1 1/2 cups fat-free, less-sodium chicken broth
* 1/3 cup golden raisins
* 2 tablespoons lemon juice
* 2 tablespoons capers
* 1/4 cup (1 ounce) crumbled feta cheese
* 4 thin lemon slices
Preparation
Place each chicken breast half between 2 sheets of heavy-duty plastic wrap; flatten to 1/4-inch thickness using a meat mallet or rolling pin. Combine flour and oregano in a shallow dish; dredge chicken in flour mixture.
Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add chicken; cook 5 minutes on each side. Remove chicken from pan; keep warm. Add onion and garlic to pan; sauté 2 minutes. Stir in broth, raisins, and lemon juice; cook 3 minutes, scraping pan to loosen browned bits. Return chicken to pan. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer 10 minutes or until chicken is done. Remove chicken from pan; keep warm. Add capers and cheese to pan, stirring with a whisk; top each chicken breast with 1/4 cup sauce and 1 lemon slice.
Nutritional Information
Calories:
256 (23% from fat)
Fat:
6.5g (sat 1.9g,mono 3.2g,poly 0.7g)
Protein:
30g
Carbohydrate:
19g
Fiber:
1.3g
Cholesterol:
72mg
Iron:
1.6mg
Sodium:
671mg
Calcium:
71mg
Cooking Light, JULY 1999
——
French West Indian Grilled Snapper with Caper Sauce
Here’s how fish is served at the open-air cook shacks lining the beaches of Guadeloupe. The marinade features the four essential seasonings of the French West Indies: lime juice, garlic, fresh thyme, and Scotch bonnet chiles. This recipe calls for snapper, but any firm white fish will work. We left the seeds in the pepper, but you can omit them for a milder flavor. This is great with Rice and Pigeon Peas.
Yield
4 servings (serving size: 1 fillet and 2 tablespoons sauce)
Ingredients
* Marinade:
* 1/4 cup fresh lime juice
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 1 teaspoon fresh or 1/4 teaspoon dried thyme
* 1 teaspoon black pepper
* 3 garlic cloves, chopped
* 1 to 2 Scotch bonnet or habanero peppers, minced
* 4 (6-ounce) red snapper or other firm white fish fillets
*
Caper sauce:
* 2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
* 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
* 2 tablespoons water
* 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
* 1 tablespoon capers
* 1 tablespoon red wine vinegar
* 1 1/2 teaspoons minced Scotch bonnet or habanero pepper
* 1/4 teaspoon salt
* 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
* 1 garlic clove, chopped
* 1 large shallot, chopped
* Cooking spray
Preparation
To prepare marinade, place first 6 ingredients in a blender; process until smooth. Combine marinade and fish in a large zip-top plastic bag; seal. Marinate in refrigerator 2 to 4 hours, turning bag occasionally.
Prepare grill.
To prepare caper sauce, place cilantro and next 10 ingredients (cilantro through shallot) in a blender or food processor; process until smooth.
Remove fish from marinade, discard marinade. Place fish on grill rack coated with cooking spray; grill 3 minutes on each side or until fish flakes easily when tested with a fork. Serve with caper sauce.
Nutritional Information
Calories:
246 (35% from fat)
Fat:
9.6g (sat 1.5g,mono 5.5g,poly 1.6g)
Protein:
35.4g
Carbohydrate:
2.8g
Fiber:
0.2g
Cholesterol:
63mg
Iron:
0.6mg
Sodium:
425mg
Calcium:
63mg
Steven Raichlen, Cooking Light, MAY 2001
—–
Smoked-Salmon Pizza with Mascarpone and Capers
Mascarpone is a rich, buttery cheese with a delicate, creamy texture.
Yield
6 servings (serving size: 1 pizza)
Ingredients
* 3 cups bread flour
* 1 cup warm water (100° to 110°)
* 1 tablespoon olive oil
* 2 1/2 teaspoons bread-machine yeast
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* Cooking spray
* 2 cups sliced green onions (about 2 bunches)
* 1/2 teaspoon cracked black pepper
* 6 tablespoons (about 3 ounces) mascarpone cheese
* 6 ounces thinly sliced smoked salmon
* 1 tablespoon capers
* 6 lemon wedges
Preparation
Lightly spoon flour into dry measuring cups; level with a knife. Follow manufacturer’s instructions for placing flour and the next 4 ingredients (flour through salt) into bread pan, and select dough cycle; start bread machine.
Remove dough from machine (do not bake). Turn the dough out onto a floured surface, and knead for 30 seconds. Cover dough; let rest 10 minutes.
Preheat oven to 425°.
Divide dough into 6 equal portions. Roll each portion into a 9-inch circle on a lightly floured surface. Cover baking sheets with parchment paper, and place dough rounds on pans. Lightly coat top of dough with cooking spray. Cover and let rise in a warm place (85°), free from drafts, 15 minutes or until puffy.
Divide the onions and pepper evenly among dough rounds. Bake at 425° for 10 minutes. Remove from oven; drop 3 teaspoonfuls of cheese onto each round. Arrange 1 ounce smoked salmon on top of each pizza, and divide capers evenly among pizzas.
Bake the pizzas an additional 8 minutes or until the cheese melts. Serve pizzas with lemon wedges.
Nutritional Information
Calories:
390 (27% from fat)
Fat:
11.8g (sat 4.3g,mono 4.4g,poly 1.5g)
Protein:
15.7g
Carbohydrate:
54g
Fiber:
1.3g
Cholesterol:
19mg
Iron:
4.1mg
Sodium:
486mg
Calcium:
69mg
Cooking Light, JANUARY 200
Patty C:
Wow a tour de force. I had to make do tonight with some tortellini with Gorgonzola sauce. A nice little Cobblestone Cabernet on the side too.
You poor thing…!
I love gorgonzola. You have my white pizza recipe with gorgonzola, prosciutto, fig jam, garlic and rosemary, yes? From ‘The Figs Table’. I pair it with Pinot ‘Nero’(or Noir)-lighter and fruitier than cabernet. Yummy, too.
Buddham LOVES capers, apparently, so I pulled out a few oldies but goodies.
Patty C:
You know I did print that one out. I think I have Monday dinner taken care of now. Thanks.
Patty,
If a way to man’s heart is through his stomach, you have the skills of an expert tracker with GPS. Thank you for the lovely gift and remembering my fondness for capers.
You are very welcome. Now you can celebrate your birth whenever you please.
I highly recommend the Gorgonzola Fig(jam) pizza AND also the prosciutto and carmelized onion pizza!! The Figs Table pizza dough and basic tomato sauce recipes are the ones I use for pizzas all year and were posted here last summer-during grilling season.
http://books.google.com/books?id=fQREwtRdW0sC&pg=PA162&lpg=PA162&dq=Figs+Table+Gorgonzola+Fig+pizza&source=web&ots=xOwArWXi-g&sig=pEo2VGyp1-GLhQIHK2YgSGlBmnA&hl=en&ei=rh2ZSbzpBtKgtwfmmKSlCw&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=5&ct=result#PPA162,M1
Ah wow, course correction here!
I was away from Turley world for a few days and just came across this post.
I have never served in the U. S. military. Nor do I suffer from PTSD.
Although I respect the warrior archetype and those who serve with integrity I have not experienced that. PTSD, no but blessings to those that fight it.
Ah I’m not sure what I wrote to indicate that I had served apologies to anyone who was misled by something I wrote here.
BIL happy belated birthday. My anniversary into this 3 D ride isn’t for a couple of months.