Vampires! Colorado Woman Crashes in an Encounter With the Undead

Now, this is a road danger that few Driver’s Ed class prepare you for. A woman in Fruita, Colorado crashed into a canal. Police ruled out alcohol. The cause? Vampires.


The woman told her husband and police that see was driving in Fruita when a vampire suddenly appeared in the middle of the road. She threw the car in reverse and ended up in the canal.

Hopefully, the police will have her add a bumper sticker warning “I Break for Vampires.”

I would love to be present for the insurance call with the bored claims specialist:

“It was a vampire I tell you!”

“Yes, we understand. Was the undead a Bela Lugosi vampire or more of a Gary Oldman vampire?”

“What does it matter? It was a vampire!”

“Madam, for insurance purposes we need to properly classify your vampire. Your are not covered for certain vampires like Nosferatu vampires which are slow moving and easy to evade. You also have a high deductible on Christopher Lee vampires which are highly selective and often simply lurk. Now, would you say the vampire was moving toward you or you were moving toward the vampire? Did you have the recommended car vampire kit with garlic, wooden stake, and mallet? . . . ”

At least she did not face Nazi Zombies (thanks Nal for this video):

Source: KDVR.

18 thoughts on “Vampires! Colorado Woman Crashes in an Encounter With the Undead

  1. And I guess the reason that she went to the bar before she got behind the wheel was they “Had two for one Longneck specials'”

  2. She might be telling the truth. I wouldn’t put it past a group of kids to pull a prank like that–one of them dresses up like a vampire then walks out in front of a car while the rest sit in the bushes laughing their a*&es off.

  3. hahahahahahaha!

    yes you gotta watch out for those un-dead warm weather fascist type zombies!!!!! There are zillions of them here in South Florida, they sometimes disguise themselves as lawyers ;)

  4. Alan,

    I don’t know anyone who has ever done something like that.

    Now I’m going to plead the 5th while I still can.

  5. I wish the woman on TV had given more detail on how to hack into and reprogram these signs. It would be fun to sow a little mayhem around here.

    I thought most zombies were Republican. NAZI zombies, I don’t think so.

    As for the woman confronted by the vampire, in addition to wearing garlic around her neck, she needs to wash her car in holy water, and most importantly, strap a huge crucifix to the front of her car.

  6. If I have to tell you, yet once again, I AM all. I am the Meep as well. Worship on your knees before thy meep.

  7. hahahahahahahaha!

    I WILL worship my meep!
    but truly my meep would never ask for knee action…

  8. I just spoke with Johann, he is not amused. Mozart was having difficulties grasping the concept of a meep. What exactly would you expect a meep to do other than meep.

    I AM

  9. That’s not what I expected. Of all the classical composers I would have thought Mozart (and perhaps Beethoven) would have been “down with the meep-ness”.

    You learn something gnu everyday.

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