Remember striking out in the 70s with the line what’s your sign when the girl turned out to be a Virgo and you are a Gemini? Now, you can go back and try again if she is still available. Astronomers have announced that most people have been using the wrong astrological sign due to a mistake in the zodiac chart. They have recalculated the dates that correspond with each sign to accommodate millennia of subtle shifts in the Earth’s axis. I have been informed that after years of living as a Taurus (the bull), I am now considered an Aries (the ram).

The Minnesota Planetarium Society’s Parke Kunkle has caused astrological mayhem by releasing this new chart:

Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16.
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11.
Pisces: March 11-April 18.
Aries: April 18-May 13.
Taurus: May 13-June 21.
Gemini: June 21-July 20.
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10.
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16.
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30.
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23.
Scorpio: Nov. 23-29.
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17.
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20.

Notably, they continue to exclude Ophiuchus — the “serpent-bearer” represented as a man grasping the snake. It also helps immensely at bars in not having to pronounce Ophiuchus.

As a newly minted Aries, I have a bit of a problem. Leslie is now a Taurus, but some sites give some hope about the relationship. Moreover, does it matter that I was induced early and would have been a Taurus?

In the meantime, I would like to especially welcome the denizens of Leo, Sagittarius, Libra, Gemini, and Aquarius. However, this site will continue its policy of total astrological equality and tolerance — even for Ophiuchuses.

Source: Gawker