Mayan Apocalypse A Dud: World Looks For Next Date For End-Of-Times

200px-Maya-MaskeIf you are reading this blog, it means that once again we have been duped. I woke up this morning to find civilization continuing and all of my court filings and exam grades still due. I was counting on the apocalypse and frankly I will never trust an ancient Mayan again. I was a bit suspicious when they failed to foresee their own destruction in the 9th Century.

We came to Chicago for the end of times and, as a back-up plan, Christmas. We made it without hitting Blizzard Draco. THe kids were excited about encountering the Slytherin storm. We made it in eleven hours from Virginia — not bad given a truck accident on I-70 that blocked us for a while.

Of course, experts have long stressed that the Mayans did not actually predict the end of the Earth. That did not stop thousands of people building underground bunkers or fly to remote spots around the Earth. It does appear that there is a certain fraction of humanity that does not just believe in the end of times but actually longs for it. This must be another bad day but I am sure that an apocalyptic date will appear soon. Indeed, I am convinced that the Mayans did foresee the end of civilization and that the dates on the calendar do correspond remarkably to the losses of the Chicago Bears — the team widely accepted as God’s team. That would make this Sunday’s game not just key for the team to have a chance for the payoffs but possibly the future of our species. Indeed, if you look closely the Mayan above bears passing resemblance to Lovie Smith in a helmet. For all of us, I can only say “Go Bears.”

33 thoughts on “Mayan Apocalypse A Dud: World Looks For Next Date For End-Of-Times

  1. Chicago Bears “God’s team”? I think you have your poles reversed. You need to look due North, about 200 miles. Ask Saint Lombardi for directions along the way.

  2. I think secretly the apocalypse is going on. It was triggered, see, but the Mayan’s cleverly did not tell us how long an “apocalypse” is supposed to take. We just assumed it would be quick, but, maybe, apocalypses have a longer fuse than we thought! Keep the faith, brother, this apocalypse is on a slow burn.

    May you all have the best Mayan Apocalypse possible.

  3. If you read some of the Mayan text via wikepidia, then you wil discover that the Mayans never predicted that the world would end. They predicted a major geographical or astronomical event was supposed to transpire. It was supposed to be a good event, according to the Mayans.

  4. “…even fully-discredited rumors of the End of The World can lead to some “evolutionarily engineered existential distress” lol (refer to article below)

    School Officials Cite Apocalypse “Rumors” Among Reasons for Closure. Really.

    By Abby Ohlheiser

    Posted Thursday, Dec. 20, 2012, at 1:20 PM E

    A school district in Michigan sent students and staff at 33 schools home on Christmas break two days earlier than planned today, mostly due to fears of potential copy-cat violence in the wake of last week’s tragedy in Newtown. The temporary school closures are slightly newsy in themselves, but it’s the secondary rationale behind the decision that really stands out.

    Here, we’ll let Lapeer County superintendent Matt Wandrie explain, as he did in a letter posted to his district’s website (emphasis ours):

    Given the recent events in Connecticut, there have been numerous rumors circulating in our district, and in neighboring districts, about potential threats of violence against students. Additionally, rumors connected to the Mayan calendar predicted end of the world on Friday have also surfaced. These rumors of violence have been thoroughly investigated and determined to be false. There have been no credible threats made against any of our students. However, these rumors have been a serious distraction for students, teachers, administrators, and parents. …

    Although we in the county are reluctant to cancel school because the rumors are unsubstantiated, we feel it is the most appropriate decision given the gravity of recent events and our present circumstances.

    To be fair to the county school officials, even fully-discredited rumors of the End of The World can lead to some evolutionarily engineered existential distress. Still, it’s a little shocking that they’d even mention the Mayan-apocalypse fears in the same letter as rumors of a possible school shooting.

  5. Perhaps this will have some quaking, as it should.

    ‘We continue to stand up to bullies’ -Julian Assange

    Assange: WikiLeaks to release over a million new docs in 2013

    Published: 20 December, 2012, 23:38
    Edited: 21 December, 2012, 10:54

    Despite all the difficulties the WikiLeaks faced in 2012, Julian Assange vowed to publish some 1,000,000 new documents in the coming year. In his Christmas speech he called for people to continue fighting for democracy “from Tahrir to London.”

    ­WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange appeared on the balcony of London’s Ecuadorian embassy at 19:00 GMT welcoming the cheering crowd in the street.

    The whistleblower, who took shelter there in June, said he was very grateful to people who provided him refuge and supported WikiLeaks and recalled the names of those who were “unlike him in prison tonight.”

    “My freedom is limited, but I am at least able to communicate. Unlike Gottfrid Svartholm, Jeremy Hammond, Nabeel Rajab, Bradley Manning,” Assange said.

    WikiLeaks already has over a million documents nearly ready for release – “documents that affect every country in the world,” according to Assange.

    “Every country in this world!” he reiterated, trying to speak over the crowd of cheering supporters.

    The WikiLeaks boss also mentioned his plans to run for a seat in the Australian Senate, indicating confidence that he would win next year’s federal election. “In Australia, an unelected senator will be replaced by one that is elected,” he stated.

    ­‘We continue to stand up to bullies’

    ­Assange praised the Ecuadorian government and other Latin American governments for showing how cooperation and shared values can embolden countries to “stand up to coercion and support self-determination.”

    “Their governments threaten no one, attack no one, send drones at no one – but together they stand strong and independent,” he stated.

    The power of people uniting to speak up and resist terrifies corrupt and undemocratic powers, Assange said, adding that every day ordinary people teach us that democracy is free speech.

    “Ordinary people here in the West are now the enemy of governments, an enemy to be watched, an enemy to be controlled,” he said. “True democracy is the resistance of people armed with the truth against lies, from Tahrir to right here in London.”


    Full statement:

    “People often ask, “What can I do?” the answer is not so difficult.

    Learn how the world works. Challenge the statements, actions and intentions of those who seek to control us behind the facades of democracy and monarchy.

    Unite in common purpose and common principle to design, build, document, finance and defend.

    Learn, challenge, act.

    Now.” -Julian Assange

  7. Lombardi was educated by the Jesuits, considered priesthood, and attended Mass every day of the year. He was a true believer in racial equality and he walked the walk in that regard. Lrobby99 has it correct.

    George Halas used to kick the homeless people on Lower Wacker Dr. for good luck, prior to Bear home games. They fell behind the Packers because Halas was slow in signing black players. They are Diablo’s team.

  8. Anonymously Yours 1, December 21, 2012 at 9:15 am

    I’m here….. Hey…. Tell me the story about Stonehenge …..
    The Georgia Guidestones are more interesting.

  9. “I think the NRA press conference is what the Mayans had in mind when they said the world would come to an end today ” Mark Cuban

  10. JT: “Of course, experts have long stressed that the Mayans did not actually predict the end of the Earth. That did not stop thousands of people building underground bunkers or fly to remote spots around the Earth.”

    Nor did it stop numerous media outlets from continually misreporting that the Mayans did predict the end of the world.

    Tony C: Touche. “May you all have the best Mayan Apocalypse possible” I should have included that on my Xmas cards.

    AP: Thanks for the update on Assange – I forgot all about him and Bradely Manning, which is a shame. I wonder what his approval ratings are in Australia? America and other countries?

  11. I just heard from an acquaintance who is a United Church of Christ minister up near the Canadian border. He said he always thought the Mayan apocalypse would be accompanied by fire, brimstone and wrath, but instead they have a blizzard.

  12. Time flies. I’m still working on November. Someone said that Thanksgiving has come and gone and Christmas is next week! So the end of the world happened and I missed it?

    That calendar thing has been so misunderstood. Do you know how hard it is to carve all that detail? Day in and day out. The guy doing it just got tired of showing up every day and then one day just quit.

  13. how do we know this? Jell-O offered pudding to the Mayan Gods. It worked. The gods liked the offering of pudding and Jell-O saved the world from destruction.

    All hail Jell-O.

  14. @Bron: Well sure, they’ve been getting entrees for hundreds of years. Enough with the heart tartar, already, what’s for dessert?

  15. Any ladies here or mistress keepers ever heard of De Beers?

    Professor and others as relevant.
    Drink often, neither carbonated nor coffee. At least 1.5 quarts a day.
    Take a baby aspirin with a meal. Take a leg stretcher at least every two hours. You get leg emboli in cars, not only in airplanes.

    Strokes and heart attacks are a itch-bay. No doggone fun at all.

  16. @Idealist: I tried taking a baby aspirin a day. I discovered it interferes with my memory and retention of minute detail. As one example, I copied a rather complex equation from a book, and double-checked it term for term, and STILL mis-copied a small plus-sign in an exponent as a minus-sign. It took me about twenty minutes to discover my own error, and I could have sworn I saw a minus sign in the book, but it was clearly not. I had a few other similar problems with details I found disturbing.

    Such mistakes with minute details and differences are very uncharacteristic of me, but it started a few days after I starting taking a baby aspirin a day. It ended a few days after I stopped. As much as the statistical evidence supports that regimen, I cannot afford that side effect, or letting errors like that creep into my work.

  17. TonyC,

    Thanks for that. Few of us are so acute as to their capability to have noticed it as you did. I presume that you confirmed the effect for a few days before stopping the aspirin. Not just a “bad day” effect?

    Although, paracetamol which is the most common pain.killer here, and not related to acetyl salicyl acid, your info is enough to make me stop my daiily intake for painful legs for a months trial.

    On the other hand, my recommendation was not for standing daily intake, but one tab for a long trip.
    It is often the first given to cardiac infart patients here as it is quickest in thinning effect.

    One last point, from a friend: Are you sufficiently hydrated? Check on it. Has many effects.

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