British citizens and wallpaper designers can now walk with the heads high after roughly 200 years of scurrilous claims that they caused the death of Napoleon. The Italians have published results that show that Napoleon did indeed die from stomach cancer and not arsenic poisoning.

Next to the JFK conspiracy theories, the death of Napoleon has long been a favorite parlor subject for conspiracy theorists. One claim was that he was poisoned by the British, who feared another escape and return to power. Another was that he was poisoned accidently by vapors from his wallpaper at Saint Helena. Both revolve around arsenic.The arsenic theory was based on the traces found in Napoleon’s hair. However, it turns out that most people had high traces of arsenic at the time and Napoleon’s was not higher than average. Looking at his contemporaries, the scientists found that people had 100 times the level of arsenic as today due to the glues and dyes commonly used at the time.

The mundane explanation comes as something of a disappointment. Many believed that, after Napoleon escaped from the Italian island of Elba (and was later defeated at Waterloo), the British could not risk another daring venture from the little tyke of an Emperor.

I remain, however, suspicious of the wallpaper connection. I have long maintained that the Trilateral Commission, the Skull and Bones Society, and other secret organizations pale in comparison of the historical hold exercised by wallpaper designers over history. When one considers the fact that wallpaper was present in virtually every major historical event, the implications are staggering. Indeed, even caves from prehistoric times show evidence of wall coverings. The very concept of a cover-up was invented by these insidious craftsmen bent on world domination. Indeed, there is even a “Guild” of “paperhangers” that can be found at this site Notably, they are British (closing the conspiracy circle) and note that they specialize on “historic” placements. Now, even the new media of computers are laden with “wallpaper,” extending the influence of the guild to every home and office. When will the world wake up?

For the story on Napoleon (a whitewash by their masters in the wallpaper guild), click here