Parachute Evidence Confirms Ron Paul is D.B. Cooper; Paul Vows to Continue Race

In a startling development, the FBI announced on April 1st that it has finally analyzed the recently discovered parachute in Washington and found DNA evidence establishing the identity of the famed D.B. Cooper. To the astonishment of many (except readers of this blog), the DNA matches Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul, who has vowed to continue his presidential run despite the disclosure.

The man calling himself Dan Cooper, also known as D.B. Cooper, robbed a Northwest flight en route from Portland fto Seattle on the night of November 24, 1971, and commandeered the plane, claiming he had dynamite. In Seattle, he demanded and got $200,000 and four parachutes and demanded to be flown to Mexico. He jumped out of the plane somewhere over southwestern Washington from the plane’s tail exit with two of the chutes.

In late March, children playing outside their home found a partially buried parachute that was exposed by the road grading of their father. Click here.

The parachute was handed over to the FBI which concluded that it was the same Navy Backpack 6 with a 26-foot canopy that was used by Paul and further found blood from a cut on Cooper’s hand on one of the straps. The blood was sent to the FBI crime lab and agents were astonished by the match: Ron Paul.

For months (and before the parachute discovery), this blog has attempted to establish the obvious link with Paul, who bears obvious resemblance to the graphic artists description of Cooper. Now, other sites like the New York Times, CNN, and Drudge Report are struggling to catch up.

The fact is that I cannot take too much credit for this obvious discovery. Putting aside the likeness, a few facts are notable. First, Paul was born in Green Tree, Pennsylvania in Allegheny County, Pennsylvania. The terrain is much like that of the area that he chose to parachute over in his daring jump. Indeed, he may have been thought he was jumping over Green Tree at the time when he saw Woodland, Washington. Second, if you draw a line from Green Tree to Woodland to his home in Lake Jackson, Texas, it forms a giant C — a taunting hint for those clever enough to see it. Third, the fact that Cooper discarded the money (some of which was found on a Columbia River beach, near Vancouver) is consistent with Paul’s insistence on a gold-based standard for currency and his view that the current monetary system is unstable and worthless. Fourth, after graduating from Duke as a doctor, Paul served in the Air Force during the Vietnam War, learning much about planes and their capabilities. Indeed, it is notable that United States Air Force F-106 jet fighters were following the plane, a possible collusion with pilots who Paul served as a physician. Fifth, he is a licensed private pilot.

Finally, in a telling statement here, Paul recalled one of the most critical moments of his life as August 15, 1971 when President Richard Nixon ordered the U.S. dollar’s complete departure from the gold standard. Only a few months before his jump, he described it tellingly as Nixon’s closing of the “gold window” and stated that “After that day, all money would be political money rather than money of real value.” Indeed. After that shock, Paul appears to have created his own “golden window” and to take some of the money that he now considered phoney. As a believer in Austrian economics, it seemed all to appropriate for Paul — leaping from a golden window with thousands in phoney dollars to disperse them at 10,000 feet.

Paul has vowed to continue his presidential campaign.

6 thoughts on “Parachute Evidence Confirms Ron Paul is D.B. Cooper; Paul Vows to Continue Race”

  1. LOL! Good one Jonathan. That would of been cool and I would of believed except we all know Ron Paul would not have demanded paper money 😉

  2. DB,

    The fact that you got premium cable tells me where you landed up.

    My condolences.


  3. April 1, 3008

    Sorry, but I am not Ron Paul. Sadly for all my fans, I did not survive the jump, but my sector of the afterlife has many interesting chaps, and we get para-time internet access and premium cable.

    Lurking about the site, I followed the link to the Paulistas and found that they LOVE JT and want to hire him to challenge the eligibliity of the rival to their boy. Who knew?

    D.B. Cooper

    PS, To all you believers and atheists out there, please do not ask me about the afterlife. None of you really want to know, do you? D.B.

  4. I am shocked and hurt that you suggest that my success in cracking one of the greatest crime mysteries of the last century is in doubt. McCain? There is no resemblance at all. And what about the big C? You are forgetting the Big C!!!!

  5. April fool joke or the Federal Bureau of Intuition?

    After the USS Forrestal incident, one would think McCain would have lost some of his proclivity for practical jokes although jumping from a commercial jetliner with stolen loot does fit the Republican ideology.

  6. No, not the case… new evidence indicates that Sen. John McCain has been identified as D.B.Cooper. Careful examination of the impression of a large dent in a nearby rock near the abandoned parachute revealed it to have the exact cranial dimensions of the McCain’s head. Further confirmation that this was indeed the case was obtained by questioning McCain. According to experts, the evidence of both brain scans and his incoherent statements to questions regarding both the Iraq war as well as the state of the economy confirm severe brain damage. As it so happened, Dr. Paul was called upon to question Senator McCain regarding economic issues. Paul concurred with experts that McCain was delusional and distracted when any question concerning economic policy was asked.

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