This week, the good town of Land O’ Lakes, Florida is free of the scourge of a wizard. While such hunt were once led by pitchfork carrying townsfolk, this important civic action was taken by concerned parents who discovered the magical tendencies of substitute teacher (and fulltime wizard) Jim Piculas in Pasco County School District.
Piculas inadvertently disclosed his dark secret in a class when he showed children how he could make a toothpick disappear and reappear at a middle school. It proved the toothpick that broke the wizard’s back. The District supervisor of substitute teachers (and hunter of wizards) Pat Sinclair, who oversees substitute teachers in the Pasco County School District, called Piculas to tell him that he was fired, explaining “You’ve been accused of wizardry.”
Piculas insisted “It’s not black magic. It’s a toothpick.” Of course, that is what all the dark wizards say. Lord Voldemort started as a substitute teacher with a napkin trick. If the good townsfolk had not acted, Death Eaters would have teaching Gym and science classes. The question is how the people at the Improper Use of Magic Office missed his wizard disguised as a muggle teacher. Piculas is expected now to pulled before the Pasco County School District Wizengamot and sent to Azkaban prison.
For the full story, click here.
12 thoughts on “Townspeople Hunt Down the Wizard of Land O’ Lakes”
No problem if you swallow one of those toothpicks while executing a flip: toothpicks are an excellent source of fiber.
“Crap backer” is a great resume builder!
The art of flipping a toothpick inside your mouth with your tongue, and thus making it disappear, is one of the first things male children of the 50’s and 60’s were taught in North Carolina. Right after how to “crap backer” (crop tobacco) and saying “Yall.” (You all)
Very nice. “the school did.” LOL
You “people” are all gonna die for what you writ! That teacher pulled out a toothpick–don’t you understand?–a TOOTHPICK! He could have turned that toothpick into anything; the school did.
Book Recommendation (seriously)
Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke
If you enjoyed this article and conversation, you’ll love the book.
I have been called worse than a Muggle before. Of course, I can’t repeat those names in mixed company. Professor Turley, as an aside, I think we need you to draw up the questions to question Prof. Yoo who has now agreed to testify if subpoened, concerning the infamous Yoo Torture Memos. I guess since I am a Muggle, I can stray from the subject at hand.
Uh-oh, looks like we’re about to engage in another deadly battle on the hallows of Hogwarts; the pro-wizard muggles for creativity v. the death eaters for ID. I’ll take the PWM side, now all we need are the capes and wands.
Muggles! When will they get a clue?
It is pro-wizard muggles like you that are inviting disaster in our public schools. (If you are a muggle and not some undercover wizard yourself). Think of it. If we start to teach our kids about magic, they will start to unleash their creativity and explore the limits of knowledge. What will you have then, Rafflaw? There is no magic or joy in life and besides magic is not on any SOL for testing under No Child Left Behind rules. Good riddance I say.
What do you expect in Florida? They really don’t like wizard competition. Its teachers have to teach, as an alternative to evolution, that the world is only 6000 years old and all life was created in its present form by another, even bigger, Wizard. The State’s secular interest in fairness is legendary except when it comes to wizards competing with the Big Wizard.* However and because of that commitment to fairness, I have suggested that they teach the stork theory as an alternative to biological reproduction, but have not received a reply as of yet. I did get a postcard with a coupon for 15% off my stay in Disney World though.
* I also hear there is a move afoot to ban “The Wizard of Oz,” and the comic strip, “The Wizard of Id.”
Professor, where did you find this one? I didn’t know that it was illegal to be a wizard. Does that mean a teacher could get fired for telling his or her students that the earth is round or that evolution is real? This is a crazy case to read on National Teacher Appreciation Day!
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