Senators Craig and Vitter Team Up to Save Marriage

The cherished institution of marriage in the United States is about to be saved. Sen. Larry Craig (R-ID), fresh from his bathroom arrest, and Sen. David Vitter (R-LA), fresh from his call-girl scandal, have co-sponsored S. J. RES. 43, dubbed the Marriage Protection Amendment, to bar same-sex marriage. They have joined their colleagues to amend the United States Constitution to state that marriage “shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman.” Now, that is a wide constitutional stance.

Even in an institution that has virtually codified hypocrisy as a Senatorial privilege, this one is breathtaking. Gay couples want to take sacred vows to remain faithful to each other for life and bear the costs and obligations of marriage. Of course, these vows would appear to rule out gay sex with strangers in public restrooms or frequenting call girls. Perhaps that is the problem.

If these members truly believe in state rights, then they have to allow states to reach their own resolution of this controversy. You should not believe in state rights only so long as you agree with the decision of the states. For a prior column, click here.

Once again, I will only add that I have long held that the solution to this debate is to get rid of the term “marriage” and have states register “civil unions” for any couples. For a prior column, click here.

For the full story, click here.

16 thoughts on “Senators Craig and Vitter Team Up to Save Marriage”

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  2. It’s simple, really. If gay people are allowed to marry they won’t be having sex with senators in restrooms. And you can’t have affairs if you aren’t married. What’s so difficult to understand?

  3. I think Craig and Vitter should rehabilitate their image by the following method:

    Open the Second Amendment Honorary Charity for Orphan Guns.

    They could purchase the orphaned guns from seized property and redistribute them to needy families at authorized churches. Part of the proceeds could be used to defray the costs of concealed carry licenses.

  4. rcampbell,

    That is one of my favorite holidays, the best being Halloween, which I think applies here as well, given the personages involved! That was a good joke.

    Jill

  5. I also heard that Lindsey Lohan and Britney Spears are sponsoring legislation mandating drug education; Mel Gibson and Jesse Jackson are pushing legislation to recognize the contributions of Jewish Americans; David Duke, Trent Lott, and Jesse Helms are introducing a bill to re-honor Martin Luther King and give him two holidays; and finally George W. Bush and Big Bird are testifying before Congress to make “My Pet Goat” the national bedtime story (unfortunately neither has read it through to the end). I hope it all passes, and with these trustworthy sponsors, it will, it must.

  6. While were on the hilarious, I heard something on NPR that I’m wondering if anyone knows an answer to. Apparently there is a dump in some very wealthy city (maybe it is Wellesly) where people go to grab the great stuff people there throw away. Sounds like a northern version of the south coast “jubelee”! In fact, the stuff is so sought after that the townspeople have set up checkpoints to make sure that only people from the town may pick at the dump. Is it legal, (of course it’s not moral) to prevent riff-raff from other towns entering one’s dump? Hope someone knows. Hoping I don’t need to get a fake I.D.! I thought dumpster diving was a sacred tradition open to all-tell me that’s true.

  7. “Now, that is a wide constitutional stance.”

    Indeed, JT. We see this…

    Unless I miss my guess, LL is a Kathy Griffin ‘Straight to Hell’ fan, as am I.

    Warning: Comedy/Adult Subject Matter

  8. If my marriage is ever as sanctified as Vetter’s or Craig’s, it’s going straight to hell!

  9. These two have alot of nerve even bringing up the

    “sanctity of marriage” given their history. How is

    that they are not publicly shamed on an hourly

    basis? Someone grab the tar and feathers!!!!

  10. Meanwhile,

    “Faced with a surge in the number of proposed solar power plants, the federal government has placed a moratorium on new solar projects on public land until it studies their environmental impact, which is expected to take about two years.”

    Perhaps a moratorium on Craig and Vitter drilling everywhere but at home until the US Government can study the environmental impact on their marriages.

    These two clowns have publicly humiliated and traumatized their spouses, degraded their marriages and now they want to evangelize on how you should conduct yours.

  11. Headlines from national newspspers:

    Marriage is for one man and one woman. Affairs open to all.

    Marriages occurring in airport stalls recognized in all 50 states.

    Senate comedy duo goes on tour. Using humor to reach young people.

    I’m just not certain this is the right way for either man to burnish his reputation.

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