After the removal of Iowa Central Community College President Robert Paxton for a chugging picture at a boat party, it appears that academics are having some serious alcohol problems this week. Prosecutors in Pittsburgh have called for the jailing of Carnegie Mellon University professor and former Dean Jeffrey Hunker, 51, who has been charged with drunken driving three times in eight days. In the first incident, Hunker ran over a yard, hit a tree, and then ran into a house. Hunker was computer security director in the Clinton administration. He was then hired as dean of Carnegie Mellon’s H. John Heinz III School of Public Policy and Management in 2001.
Hunker virtually totaled his car in the second incident. In a third incident, the police was called about Hunker being suicidal and tracked him down in his replacement vehicle — a new BMW — and he allegedly admitted that he had consumed a pint of vodka.
His faculty profile discussing of his “groundbreaking work” does not include his recent vehicular contributions.
Hunker has notably little support from his neighbors. His immediate neighbor Kenneth Herz denounced Hunker, saying “[h]e has little regard for the well-being of his neighbors or anyone else in the greater community.”
This is a case where incarceration is clearly warranted. If he does not kill himself, he is likely to kill someone else.
15 thoughts on “Carnegie Mellon Professor Arrested Three Times in Eight Days for Drunk Driving”
OMG! LOL! in today’s vernacular.
My hat’s off to you once again. Have you ever considered writing movie scripts? Or Novels? Just look at how a certain Mr. Brown made a fortune writing a book with an even more convoluted and less believable plot.
Very funny. Nice recap! Now no more nutmeg for you …
I’m going to jail. If I’m lucky, three months, probation and rehab. How did I get here?
I think it was church. Yes, I remeber as a boy, coming home with mom and dad to supper. Every sunday, mom served custard sprinkled with nutmeg. The nutmeg smelled delicious. It took me to foreign lands–lands filled with strange noises, busy streets, bright colors. Places where people didn’t go to church. Places where they bought their spices and had them wrapped in paper cones. Nutmeg caused me to revel in my haullcinations. Now I realize it was my gateway drug.
One time dad and I were walking home from the game. During the songs I had to go to the bathroom, but dad told me leaving while people were singing about the greatness of America was a sin. My dad’s friend was with us. George saw me twisting in my seat and guessed the problem. He knew my dad wouldn’t let me leave but he knew I was desperate. He handed me his near finished beer. “Drink this kid and use the cup. Nobody’s gonna see ya when they’re singing the anthem.”
So I drank the beer, the beer George gave me. I didn’t have to go anymore. The smell was intoxicating, the foam on my chin, delightful. I was obsessed with it. The smell, the foam, the taste. All I could think about was how to get more.
Dad and I walked home. We passed the McDonald’s and I asked if they sold beer there. Dad was so angry with me. He demanded to know how I even knew what beer was. I told him, “Mr. Steinbrenner gave it to me.” But dad called me a liar and had me walk home alone to think over what I’d just said.
Next Sunday, the pastor sang his special song, “Healer” over me. Dad had talked to him about me. I overheard him telling mom he’d seen pastor with some strange magazines, but pastor had put them away quickly when dad walked in. Dad thought god might be testing pastor with those magazines…..
they had it on the news last night. the arrogance of the man’s lawyer was astounding. we are supposed to feel for this man AND applaud him for doing the right thing.
like what? finally getting caught again?
i live in the area. i am upset that he was on the road.
I think he was forced to chug the beer out of a keg held by the community college President that Prof. Turley wrote about.
Nice one. A little North By Northwest thrown in with the forced drinking. I’ll buy it …
Mojo and Gyges,
You are both right!
You’re thinking small. Try this one: The Right as represented by Vice President Cheney (a well known tool of the Free Masons), ordered that his special operatives kidnap Mr. Hunker and force him to drink a large amount of alcohol. Then at Mr. Cheney’s requested his alien allies replace a chunk of Mr. Hunker’s nose with a magnet with the polarity reversed to that of the natural human nose, further throwing off his sense of direction. Mr. Hunker was then placed in his own car and told that if he didn’t get home within 3 hours his family would be shot. Thus leaving him no option but to try and make it home in his inebriated state.
“it’s important to turn left into your driveway, not right into your neighbor’s house.”
Yes, but he did use his turn signal, so I give him credit. So few drivers do anymore.
O.K. I went too far, sorry. I should have just said: it’s important to turn left into your driveway, not right into your neighbor’s house.
I’ll take that one Mojo! The reason he went on this terrible binge is he’d secretly signed on to work at the American Eagle Forum. The money was good, but not great. He felt very slighted with their salary offer and thus began his downward spiral. Feel free to modify with new “facts”, just like Fox news does when they’re reporting.
So sad. What in the world is going on in this man’s life? And is there some way we can turn this into an indictment of the Right?
Let’s hope he wasn’t a leader in their “Mentor Protege'” program.
i can’t recall seeing this in the post gazette. i don’t get the trib. it must have been hidden in a small article.
god, get him off of the roads.
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