California investigators are interested in speaking with Dr. Craig Alan Bittner. Bittner has an interesting way of “saving the planet”: he used that fat that he removed from his patients in liposuction to fuel his two SUVs. His M.I.P. (Miles to the Patient) was great until officials notified his lawyer that it happens to be a crime.
It appears that Bittner felt better about the two gas-guzzling SUVs if they were fat-guzzlers running on the body products of his patients. Presumably, he would rush some appointments before long trips. The patients might have noticed such comments as “you look like a cross country trip” or little nicknames like “my little OPEC.” Ok, I made up that last part. However, I would note that oil wells like the one above are known as “pumpjacks” so it may have given Bittner an idea for plumpjacks.
Bittner stated “The vast majority of my patients request that I use their fat for fuel — and I have more fat than I can use. Not only do they get to lose their love handles or chubby belly but they get to take part in saving the Earth.” Well, at least save Bittner’s gas bill. Bittner must look at Al Gore with particular longing.
I find it a bit suspicious that the majority of patients are so insistent on Bittner running on their fat. It brings vague images of the soap production from the movie Fight Club.
The problem is that it is illegal to use medical waster to power vehicles. The attention to this fuel-production sideline came after questions were raised about his skills and qualifications, including a website. He is still posted, however, as an available Beverly Hills doctor on some sites.
Officials have been unable to locate Bittner who has moved to South America. It sounds like he has enough fat to get him there. After that, he might have to tap into the locals.
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