Assault with a Slimey Weapon: Florida Man Accused of Attacking People With Jellyfish

Jellyfish Arrest180px-Cannonball_JellyfishI am pretty sure that this is a unique crime. Keith Edward Marriott, 41, is charged with repeatedly pretending to drown in Madeira Beach, Florida and then throwing jellyfish at people who came to help him.

Marriott is accused of pretending to drown and then floating back to the top of the water to draw his jellyfish targets. He is charged with disorderly intoxication and carrying a concealed weapon (a pocket knife in his shorts). Marriott works for a brokerage firm but it is not clear whether customers are required to remain behind protective glass during visits.

Given the existence of jellyfish for 650 million years, one has to wonder about the advances of Darwinism represented by Mr. Marriott. I can only imagine the thoughts of the jellyfish: “Great, I float hundreds of miles, avoid being made into an appetizer by Japanese chefs, dodge ocean sunfish and sea turtles, avoid motor boats, and make it to the Florida shore only to have this crazed biped use me as a weapon.”

I am not sure about the concealed weapon charge if it was a true pocketknife but the disorderly charge certainly seems to fit. I am not sure why he was not charged with assault or battery. It might be difficult to make out a jellyfish as a weapon (as opposed to a swordfish or hammerhead shark).

The only precedent for such a case would be the clip below:

We do have a film however of Marriott that might be used at this trial:

For the story, click here.

12 thoughts on “Assault with a Slimey Weapon: Florida Man Accused of Attacking People With Jellyfish”

  1. Now Marie,

    That is not true. The school districts that they did not want the students to miss class for the Presidents speech are prepared to make amends and have reserved the Cowboy Stadium for multiple school children and districts to hear President Bush educational address. They feel so bad, This I am sure.

    And in Alton, Texas the Chief of Police was arrested for Public Lewdness with a woman in a car near some businesses

    and last but not least a Dallas Reserve Police Officer was suspended and his weapon was confiscated for putting white powered substances in 2 womens drinks. He also is head of a security operations and was named one of the top 25 in the US last year. You just can’t top this.

    Texas, I tell you will not be undone in stupidity.

  2. Ever read Fark? It’s a website featuring quirky news items, each with a special designation describing it such as “cool” “interesting” “asinine” etc. Or “Florida.” The only state to be so honored (?). Apparently with good reason.

  3. This is why I can never be a judge: if a cop brought to me a case like this, a case with a concealed weapon charge for a pocket knife, I would throw the entire case out. If part of something is so stupid, the whole thing must be cast in doubt.

  4. AY,

    I advocate bringing back “survival of the fittest” which has lost its lustre in evolutionary circles, because of a myopic focus on this planet as a singularity rather than as an entity which is a part of a larger cosmos.

    The professor brings up an interesting issue, if the most fit evolve this case indicates there may be a “it slipped thru the cracks” phenomenon going on.

    The jellyfish seem better adapted than Edward The Slimer in a sense or two.

  5. The guy most have very fast reflexes,to throw a jellyfish at someone and not be stung.And being intoxicated also,now that is quite a feat:

  6. Have you ever been stung by a jellyfish?

    Let’s put it this way . . . even the non-fatal varieties HURT LIKE HELL. It feels like your skin is on fire and you can’t put it out.

    Yeah, it’s a funny choice, but not necessarily a funny weapon.

  7. Pastor Anderson is now going to seek calling for your death as well. I would be afraid. The earth was created just the way it is and it cannot be 650 Million years old. The best is 5 or 7 Thousand. This is all a miracle creation of God. Do not forget that Jesus spoke English.

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