Tuba Torts: Video Shows the Growing Scourge of Tuba Tortfeasors

A close examination of this video show a tuba tort, can you find it? This is what Tuba players mean when the whisper “lay down the B-flat.” B stands from boy.

I am afraid that even reasonably mistaken self-defense arguments will not work in this instance. One would often expect this type of conduct from a drum major, but the industry secret is that it is the Tubist that you have to watch out for. Tuba inventers Wilhelm Friedrich Wieprecht and Carl Moritz were well known in the 1830s for chasing children down the street while playing menacing E-Flat notes.

21 thoughts on “Tuba Torts: Video Shows the Growing Scourge of Tuba Tortfeasors”

  1. This clip has been going around for a few years now – it seems to many that it was a set-up job! The timing was too good to be accidental.

    Even if this was not the case, running or walking through the ranks of a performing band should be considered to be very bad form – musical instruments are fragile (and very expensive) and the musicians can not always see if someone is approaching from the side while they are busy playing their instrument.

    In response to several comments above – the tuba can be a romantic instrument, just as much as any other – my soon-to-be-wife was intrigued by my performances on Sousaphone and in proper hands it can be much more than just a “Tubby Ooom-Pah”

    The horns and stringed instruments that provide the support and rhythms for the band or orchestra are just as important as any solo violin or trumpet (or lead guitar!) Without the them, the group would have no focus or drive – ask any rock band who the real leader of a band is – it really is the Bass Player!

  2. Whelp, I can see why ol’ Monk is “Blue” and why that rendition was “solo”…

  3. gyges,

    While it didn’t appeal to my libidinal side, I’ll have to say that did bring a big old smile to my face.

  4. Gyges,

    What’s up with that!? I expected the conductor to fall off his platform or the tubists to hit a sour note or drop their tubas.

    Did my old ears miss something?

    Them Ensemble folks do have a certain ‘look’ about them, though….

  5. As someone who’s marched in many a parade: there is no greater joy then running over a camera man for one of the networks.

    More to come, but this is my second favorite piece of music for Wind Ensemble.

  6. Not to be confused with “going cubist”, when someone falls to Picassos.

  7. I observed the ‘tripping’ as an act of chance happenstance.

    The Tuba player was a’ fixin’ to execute the famous Tuba Shuffle March and the brat, erm, kid, ran across the outstretched leg of the tubist on the initial cadence step.

    I further commend the tubist for having tremendous peripheral vision.

  8. Leah,

    I prefer to light some candles and incense and crank up some old Tennessee Ernie Ford to set the mood.

    Sade’s “Smooth Operator” is played out, if you ask me.

  9. Tuba tooter pudding and pie
    Tripped that kid and made him cry.

    Kid’s mother shouted: “Tooter tort!
    I’m gonna take that guy to court!”

  10. Please.

    As the son of a tuba player and the father of a 3rd-generation low-brass marching-band geek (my son and I played tronbone), I can safely say that, when it comes to abuse, tubas take a lot more than they give.

    My dad regurlarly had to fish all manner of garbage that had been tossed into the bell of his instrument. Banana peels, candy wrappers, etc.

    If he were alive today, he would’ve enjoyed seeing a little payback.

    1. Husker Blue:

      I submit that this support the image of Tubists as ticking bombs of pent up anger in B-Flat. Are they not the postal workers of the marching band set?

  11. It appears to me that the particular venue was not conducive to love-making.

    I know a man who plays Tuba (George East) who can play music on a Tuba that is quite beautiful, in fact. Amazingly so. (He always had women swooning after him, as well)

    I once heard him play Flight of the bumblebee flawlessly.

    However, I cannot remember a single time he ever tripped a kid.

  12. Are you kidding, Jack and Buddha? Put on a nice dreamy recording of the Washington Post March a few decibels louder than a cannon shot, and I’m all ready to cuddle. (And I’m not an Easy-Cuddle)!

  13. what multi-tasking!
    tuba tootin’ tot trippin’
    admire him much…

    You just hand out smiles like candy, don’t ya? Thank You and Cheers! 🙂

  14. Jack,

    If you don’t think the tuba can be a romantic instrument? Well? You’re right. I can think of a couple of ways to musically “ruin the mood” but I’ll have to say that marching band music is way up toward the top of that list. But that still didn’t stop Steve Martin from making “L.A. Story”, a damn fine romantic comedy in which a tuba (and a mild tuba playing compulsion by Victoria Tennant) were featured.

  15. Looks like that little guy fell down all by himself. Such a shame, he needs to watch where he was walking. Thank goodness that Tuba player did not fall and break that instrument. Where are the parents, why aren’t they being charged with interfering with a Tubaist playing his assigned role. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

    Do they have Capitol punishment for egregious act, this act of aggression against the tuba play? Did that child get searched to see if it was carrying any explosives.

    The above was meant only as satire.

  16. I believe the most egregious tort starts at frame one of the clip, when the band starts playing parade music.

    This is something I’ve often wondered about… do people own John Philip Sousa CDs and listen to them in a non-parade setting? Could you imagine going on a date with someone and getting invited upstairs for the proverbial cup of coffee, and when your date says they’re going to put on some music to “set the mood”, they put on some John Philip Sousa?

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