I just saw this on Reddit and thought it was a bit of a curious sales pitch for Florida State University. I note that they do not give the same assurance of “mostly sober” for their faculty.
One could read this to mean only 39% of FSA students are completely inebriated.
This could explain the tuba line tumble . . .
At GWU, I would recommend a slogan that avoids being nailed down on specifics: “we remain sober when sobriety is required.”