As Jeff Foxworthy might say, you know you’re a Redneck if you actually write down “Redneck” on your booking form under religion. That stand-up (and line-up) line properly goes to Joshua Lee Joehlin, who has become the first religiously Redneck inmate in Florida.
We recently saw how a prisoner successfully claimed the need to celebrate Festivus. Joehlin, however, has a religion that is more of a 365 day devotion. What is strange from his booking picture is that they appear to have shaved off his Mullet, which is known to be a critical part of his faith.
Obviously, jailers will need to confirm that inmates are true Redneck faithful before agreeing to supply the necessary pork rinds and beer for daily observations. They can look for standard indicators to know that you are a Redneck, including:
1. You got stopped by a state trooper. He asked you if you had an I.D. And you said, ‘Bout What?’
2. Your parakeet knows the phrase “Open up, Police!”.
3. Your mother doesn’t remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
Source: Smoking Gun
It is not clear how “a felony charge of engaging in a lewd and lascivious act with a minor” fits with the Redneck moral code but I am interested to see who will be called upon to minister to the inmate. Presumably, he holds his religious observations wearing a beer hat and watching Nascar.