Bizarre, Criminal law

Religiously Redneck: Florida Prisoners Lists Rednecks As His Religion on Booking Form

As Jeff Foxworthy might say, you know you’re a Redneck if you actually write down “Redneck” on your booking form under religion. That stand-up (and line-up) line properly goes to Joshua Lee Joehlin, who has become the first religiously Redneck inmate in Florida.

We recently saw how a prisoner successfully claimed the need to celebrate Festivus. Joehlin, however, has a religion that is more of a 365 day devotion. What is strange from his booking picture is that they appear to have shaved off his Mullet, which is known to be a critical part of his faith.

Obviously, jailers will need to confirm that inmates are true Redneck faithful before agreeing to supply the necessary pork rinds and beer for daily observations. They can look for standard indicators to know that you are a Redneck, including:

1. You got stopped by a state trooper. He asked you if you had an I.D. And you said, ‘Bout What?’

2. Your parakeet knows the phrase “Open up, Police!”.

3. Your mother doesn’t remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.

Source: Smoking Gun

It is not clear how “a felony charge of engaging in a lewd and lascivious act with a minor” fits with the Redneck moral code but I am interested to see who will be called upon to minister to the inmate. Presumably, he holds his religious observations wearing a beer hat and watching Nascar.

24 thoughts on “Religiously Redneck: Florida Prisoners Lists Rednecks As His Religion on Booking Form”

  1. One has to admire the simplicity of a family tree that looks like a stump.

  2. AY:

    Good question and they are showing up in some fairly up scale places not only here in Jersey but in a lot of upscale stores and hotels in New York,and funny you should mention that.I was watching this program that dealt with people who had that problem and the exterminators were saying that you had to freeze the bed bugs and that’s what we see in companies that do that type of work in their advertising to get rid of them.

    But it turns out you have to heat your residence,business etc to a certain temperature to get rid of them.It may be due to the sea ports,airports truck hubs,who knows.

  3. eniobob,
    Great link to the Carly Simon classic.
    I think this “religious” redneck needs to meet the Realtor DUI lady who use to run MADD. They would make an intelligent pair.

  4. eniobob,

    I heard, I googled, I read…… I posted it on the correction site…. Maybe he is the NEW Mel Gibson……. then again…. I hear that its hard coming off of coke and or cocaine…… and if mixed with alcohol….. the nuro receptors fire but not right……

    Hey, eniobob….. I was watching TV this morning….you are from NJ right? Why all the bed bugs….

  5. BTW:AY

    Our boy Charlie has ran his mouth once to much this time,No 21/2 men new episodes this season,does he qualify now to be called a “redneck”

  6. I suppose that the Song could be sung to the tune of “On Bended Knees”….

  9. SWM,

    Right below the video is an embed tab…. touch it with the mouse and cut and paste….

  14. AY:

    “You know the reason a woman is smiling so large on her wedding day….well….. he is is just beginning… I wonder if the inmates will be humming on Bended Knees……”

  17. eniobob,

    You know the reason a woman is smiling so large on her wedding day….well….. he is is just beginning… I wonder if the inmates will be humming on Bended Knees……

  19. It is not clear how “a felony charge of engaging in a lewd and lascivious act with a minor” fits with the Redneck moral code but I am interested to see who will be called upon to minister to the inmate.

    You know you’re a Redneck if you go to a family reunion, you look up, down and all around…..You see you’re grandmother, grandfather, uncle, aunt, cousins, brother and sister and say yep….all three of us is here…..

    You know how the redneck found his sister in the woods…..HOT….

  20. Maybe with a younger sister. I hate that stereotype, but it seems to fit the question.

    Years ago Foxworthy was coming to Columbus and a radio station had people call in with their own “you might be a redneck if…”. My favorite was “You might be a redneck if your concrete goose changes clothes more often that you do.”

    Might be an Ohio thing.

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