Travel Blog

Notice: Interruption of Service This Weekend For The End of Times

As many people are aware, the world will end on May 21, 2011 which is likely to cause an interruption in service on the Turley blog. Fortunately, your host will be going to his annual weekend at Shrine Mont with other families. I expect our weekend bloggers to remain at their posts through the rapture while I await the rapture on a mountain top in Virginia in a pure and sanctified state. I remind everyone that during the end of the world we will maintain the policy of civility and decorum on the blog. Profanity and uncontrolled screaming are strongly discouraged. There is also a chance that anonymity will be lost in the post-rapture judgment on any trolls.

Last weekend in New York, the troops were out with signs announcing the end of the world. It took a bit of explaining to the kids, but I reminded them that this meant no end of term exams (which mollified them).

The Family Radio Worldwide and its leader Harold Camping have done an amazing job in informing millions of our collective demise this weekend. For us at the Turley blog, it is not an end but an opportunity. While I cleanse my soul at Shrine Mont (while fishing), I know that our bloggers will remain online up to the rapture for hundreds of millions of people surfing the Internet at the last minute. To help them, I wanted to add references to the most likely search terms for Saturday to help them reach our site:

1. Proper clothing for the rapture.

2. WiFi access in heaven.

3. Justin Bieber’s rapture schedule.

4. Can Obama block final judgment for Bush officials involved in torture program?

5. cheap homes for sale by members of the Family Radio Worldwide ministry.

Good luck, everyone. I will not be with you when the rapture occurs but I assure you that this blog is right with God. At the time of the final judgment, Turley blog regulars will be given preferential treatment and should fear not. If you are still a bit nervous, I recommend playing Captain & Tennille’s Muskrat Love while watching Under Siege 2: Dark Territory . Then, no matter what happens, it won’t seem quite so bad to leave this world behind.


Source: MSNBC

Jonathan Turley

116 thoughts on “Notice: Interruption of Service This Weekend For The End of Times”

  1. SL,

    Email me privately so I know which address to show up unannounced…

  2. Stamford Liberal,

    I’m within driving distance of your abode. Please email me directions. I’ll bring fixing for Mojitos. I make a mean guacamole–and my husband makes great salsa!

    🙂

  3. SL,

    Although unable to attend your wonderful party in person, I am with you in spirit. Besides, considering what happens when I drink tequila, I think that is best. No one notices a naked ghost.

  4. The Rapture should be upon us at 6:00 PM tomorrow evening at which time my “Rapture Party” will be in full-swing. We will be on my terrace overlooking Long Island Sound with our fully stocked Emergency Kit that will include:

    1. Patron Silver;
    2. Triple Sec;
    3. Fresh lime juice;
    4. Salt;
    5. Plenty of ice;
    6. Blender;
    7. Quesadillas (cheese and chicken);
    8. Chips and Pico de Gallo;
    9. Mini Tacos;
    10. Ice cold Corona’s;
    11. Several ice cold Heineken mini-kegs;
    12. Stereo and CD’s including, but not limited to – Pink Floyd, Rush, Boston, B.B. King, Dr. John, The Radiators, Eric Clapton, Nirvana, Green Day and Foo Fighters; and
    13. A titch of Mother Nature’s most glorious weed.

    At precisely 6:00 PM the gathering will simultaneously hold up our glasses to the strains of REM’s, “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It” and offer a toast to The Flying Spaghetti Monster.

    Party on, Wayne … Party on, Garth …

  5. Sound advice, LK. Sound advice indeed.

    And I’m sure we’ll all miss our theocrat in residence too.

    Or have I gone too far?

  6. I, Like Rafflaw, plan to live off the leavings of the true believers if necessary but I don’t think it’ll come to that. True believers that walk the walk are few and far between in my observation so I’m thinking that if they’re all raptured away it won’t cause more than a short, non-critical interruption in necessary services, if any interruption at all. 🙂

    Unfortunately we’ll still be stuck with the House, Senate, and State government, no more than a hand-full of special elections will have to be called. Rush-hour on the highways in my area will still be a bear I’m sure. A greater number of the truly righteous being raptured away could have made my life easier post-rapture but I’m not holding my breath.

    In fact, considering the number of vacant houses in my area due to the economy, a few more caused by the rapture won’t even be noticeable. I suspect that the folks that can afford the waterfront property I’d like to have had to sell their souls to get there, so I don’t think there are going to be many vacancies within driving distance for me- I hope you Rafflaw, have better luck on that front than I anticipate having. 🙂

    Mike S., as I recall the Battle of Armageddon is supposed to take place close to Jerusalem so we should be pretty safe if we just stay put. My plan for Saturday is to bake a big batch of brownies (already assembled the ingredients) and pig out on them and cheeseburgers, maybe have a beer. My suggestion is that we left-behinds ‘arm ourselves’ with good food, good company and a good movie to pop in the DVD player. That’s my plan anyway.

  7. I’m in denial … but packing, for when it is all over I hope to find myself in Italy …

  9. I’m glad you reminded me. I’ve got to go pack for the Rapture! Can’t forget my designer clothes. I want to be a style setter in Heaven.

  11. Before 2004, the rapture would have been the Chicago Cubs v. the Red Sox in the world series.

    Now it’s a Cubs v. Indians series I suppose.

  13. The lamestream media is having fun with the Rapture, but if it happens, get ready for some serious glossolalia.

  14. Fear not Mike. I am taking my Jewish wife to Shrine Mont and I was raised Catholic. I figure in all of the rush for the door, no one will be checking cards.

  15. Otteray Scribe: Thanks for the link. As I live in the Exclusion Zone, I won’t have to alter my plans. Ironically, this includes attending an event with both Senators and our Governor. I guess we’ll all be Left Behind ™ together.

  17. I will be spending the Rapture in Door County Wisconsin. Hopefully, I can live off the land of the true believers who will no longer be with us. I am thinking there there will be some cheap waterfront property available!!

  18. Mike, I defer to Dimitri, The Professional Russian. He has a suggestion or two. I suppose that when the Rapture comes, you probably will not need to apply for a Class III stamp. On second thought, never mind. I am sure the rapture front may skip over the ATF.

  20. Well it’s easy enough for you to say JT, but being a Jew I won’t be ncluded in the Rapture. That means I’ve got to prepare for Armageddon. In light of that and knowing we have some experts in weaponry followng the blog I
    could use some advice on just what I’ll need for the final battle. Being an afficiando of mystery novels I already know that I’ll need a handgun and I’m leaning towards a Sig Sauer. I’ve already got a large hunting knife from my time as a camper. What else will I need?
    An automatic weapon would be useful, but which, an AK47 or an Israeli Uzi? Grenade Launchers, SAM’s….WHAT! Can’t continue right now, off shopping for Camo’s and bullet proof vests. Please let me know the time is short.

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