In New York, Clyde Gardner, 57, hatched a unique plan to kill his ex-girlfriend that involved skinning a bear, hiding among garbage cans, and walking on all fours. After the plan proved a bit too complex, he returned to that old favorite: the car crash. It all ended without an injury when Gardner was accused by the would-be hit man. He pleaded guilty and was sentenced this week.
Here was the original plan. Gardner would hunt down a bear. He would then skin it and wear the pelt. Walking on all fours (which by the way would still leave weight depression problems for the forensic expert to spot), Gardner would then wait among the garbage cans and attack his ex-girlfriend with the claws. After clawing her to death, he would then walk like a bear off to the woods (it is not clear what he thought would happen when the tracks moved from a quadruped to biped.
The junkyard owner decided this might be a bit labor intensive, so he allegedly offered a friend $15,000 (with only $500 down) to kill her with a car crash. Gardner is a demolition derby driver and advised the friend how to make a crash look like an accident, according to the police reports.
Gardner had a child with the woman, who kicked him out on Sept. 25, 2010.
Under a plea deal, Gardner was sentenced to 5 to 15 years in prison and will have an order of protection preventing contact with the woman until 2031.
The problem with the original scheme is that anyone watching the NFL for the last two weekends knows that the Bears are not particularly aggressive this season.
The plea was inevitable when the police found this incriminating video:
I wonder if Bears even kill their ex-girlfriends by posing as humans.
Source: Washington Post