Suffolk County, New York has taken the budget cuts to a new low: firing Santa David McKell, 83, to save $660. Fortunately, the Obama Administration is continuing our spending billions in Iraq and Afghanistan so McKell could still look for a job from Halliburton, though Santa positions tend to be limited.
McKell is a World War II veteran and former homicide police detective who has been the local Santa on Long Island for more than nine years.
[Update: Steven Colbert appears to have stepped in to cover the costs. However, I would prefer freeing up those billions being sent in our continuing wars].
To complete the seasonal onslaught, President Barack Obama has announced a new Christmas tree tax. At first I thought that it was a tax designed to cover the environmental costs of such harvesting. I love fresh trees at Christmas but would be happy to pay extra to deal with the environmental costs. However, this new 15-cent charge on all fresh Christmas trees will go to improving the image and marketing of Christmas trees. The government will create a new “Christmas Tree Promotion Board.” The Administration explains that he purpose of the Board is to run a “program of promotion, research, evaluation, and information designed to strengthen the Christmas tree industry’s position in the marketplace; maintain and expend existing markets for Christmas trees; and to carry out programs, plans, and projects designed to provide maximum benefits to the Christmas tree industry” (7 CFR 1214.46(n)).
It is of course remarkably dumb in an election year during the holiday season to announce such a tax but this White House appears the most politically tone-deaf Administration in decades. To make it even more incomprehensible, they announce the tax, take widespread criticism, and then the next day they announce that they will delay (though not cancel) the tax. In the end, however, I am most interested in whether we really need a new Board or to subsidize an industry’s image building at a time of economic distress. It is not the 15 cents per tree. I thought we were trying to reduce government. The Administration is slashing scientific and educational programs, but we really need a Christmas Tree Promotion Board?
Source: BDtonline as first seen on Reddit.
The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have taken the early retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about restructuring decisions at the North Pole.
Reindeer downsizing has been made possible through acquisition of technology in the form of a late model Japanese sled for the annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer is anticipated now that they have completed Technical Expert Interactive Video Training and will mentor the other reindeer with the help of two Management Support Specialists. Reindeer will attend weekly staff meetings in order to learn to work smarter, not harder. The first such meeting will include viewing of “Who Moved My Cheese?” A second meeting will be required, so a Psychologist can explain the video in great detail.
Reduction in reindeer will lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press. Not having to respond to unfavorable press will allow the Management Support Specialists to begin pulling lists and checking them twice.
Rudolph’s Technical Expert role will not be disturbed. Bennie The Brown-Nosed Reindeer has been shadowing Rudolph in preparation for assuming his role. The evaluation that “Bennie can run as fast as Rudolph, but he can’t stop as fast as Rudolph” was unfortunate comment, made by one of Santa’s helpers and taken out of context.
As a further restructuring, today’s productivity goals require the North Pole to continue looking for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the “Twelve Days of Christmas” Cadre:
The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out work units forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance.
The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are therefore eliminated.
The three French hens represent Eurocentric ethnicity. As they retire, we will target Asian song birds in order to gain bilingual bicultural diversity.
The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call-waiting option. Management Support Specialists are conducting an analysis to determine whom the birds have been calling, how often, and how long they talked.
The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Deputy Commissioner. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for privatizing with investment counselors. Diversification into other precious metals as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks appears to be in order.
The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury, which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day is an example of the decline in Work Units Per Worker Year. Three geese will be retired, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that from now on every goose it gets will be a good one.
The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new tally strokes and therefore enhance their outplacement.
The eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-consulting, a-mentoring or a-adjudicating.
Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.
Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords plus the expense of international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest outsourcing this work to private industry. Meanwhile incumbent Lords-a-leaping will be designated as Leaping Support Specialists, because Congress has sought a reduction in the Lords-a-Leaping ratio.
Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down to the bottom line. The eight maids-a-milking will playing cowbells during spike periods.
Expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved. Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney*s association seeking expansion to include the legal profession (“thirteen lawyers-a-representing”), review is pending by a committee of Management Support Specialists.
Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to stay competitive with the private sector. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Pilot. We may end the Pilot and acquire an additional seven Management Support Dwarfs.
Subordinate Claus
Operations Supervisor
By Direction of Santa Claus
Compliance Copy to: Penalty Claus
Management Support Specialist
Transcribed but not read in order to speed mailing.
Limper that is true but the power is in the pen and the pen is mightier than the sword.
Wow…way to fall for a Right-wing manufactured outrage
http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39411_Fake_Outrage_Du_Jour-_Obamas_Christmas_Tree_Tax
I’m disappointed that you would fall for this Professor Turley. I certainly appreciate your great commentary about the Obama admin with regards to their horrible record on civil liberties, whistle-blowers, and the horrid US citizen assassinations, but this is beneath you.
If anyone doubts that the Christmas tree growers requested this, read for yourself:
http://www.christmastree.org/11_PR7.pdf
Cain and Newt? That would be hilarious!
Bdaman
1, November 9, 2011 at 11:47 am
Could it be a Cain Newt ticket
Poll: Cain/Gingrich Ticket Could Beat Obama/Biden
==========================================================
some people say polls are only good for strippers and skiers
http://politics.blogs.foxnews.com/2011/09/03/palin-polls-are-strippers-and-cross-country-skiers
Sounds harsh to me. Should point out though that there’s more to the economics of war than meets the eye.
The consumables, ammo mainly, has already been paid for and has a shelf life; a lot of target practice is using up ammo that has to be used up. Likewise the savings from not fighting a war have to be offset by the running costs of keeping a modern army ready.
This isn’t to justify the various wars but just to point out that the money saved from not fighting is less than one might think; still a substantial sum though.
I also think the wars we’re fighting are wrong. I wouldn’t blame the Iranians for building nuclear weapons, if they actually had them the US wouldn’t be so keen to go in.
There has to be a better way to get rid of mythology.
Thanks Elaine! I reposted it leaving out links to a news report of a little girl who was arrested and taken to jail in Fort Myers because she had a temper tantrum. Nobody was hurt, but the girl is Black, so I guess that is why she was arrested. You can google and find links to the story, or, if not, I can put them in another post.
Bob, Esq.,
Thanks for the update. It is good to know that for now, Santa is safe!
“I thought we were trying to reduce government.”
Really? So, maybe we can just let all lower court judges go. Problem? Oh, it’s a matter of WHAT the government does. Oh okay.
As the Media Matters story notes, the tree industry itself supported the measure, which is trivial (.15? real trees can cost over $60 … who the heck cares about .15?) and was planned to be given a trial run.
This is a big deal, why? As to “politically tone-deaf,” not really seeing how the Bush Administration was so much better overall. Fail.