The Bears and the Mayan Apocalypse

Today the kids and I will formally withdraw the colors — taking down our large Bears banner in front of the house to mark the end of the season for our team. My only concern is that the performance of the Bears lends credence to the Mayan prediction of the end of the world in 2012. As God’s team, it is only natural that the apocalypse would begin with this catastrophic season for the Bears — and countervailing success of the Packers. For Bears fans, we will now welcome the End of Times . . . if it will only happen before the Packers win a second Superbowl.

Yesterday at our New Year’s party, we cleansed the flag of bad spirits using a “smudge stick” I bought from a Native American Indian store in Salt Lake city. We decided we had to call in the supernatural to rid the spirits that plagued our team this year. The funny thing is that the smudge stick made of sage smelled just like marijuana. We had roughly 120 people at the party who were convinced that someone was smoking a heap of weed. Many seemed distinctly disappointed to find the kids waving a smudge stick, but insisted that their interest in finding the source was purely curiosity from growing up in the Sixties.

The Bears did finish with a 17-13 victory over the Vikings, but 2011 will go down as the “He Who Must Not Be Named” year for Bears fans. As the Packers continued their steamroll, I drowned my angst and disgust in Wasabi Bloody Marys yesterday and heaping bowls of the Wife of Kit Carson Soup. By the way, I caught Maddie (6) yesterday telling a friend that “my Dad made the wife of Kit Carson into a soup.” I had to immediately intervene to explain that Ms. Carson is actually not in the soup.

In celebration for an exciting (though disappointing season), I give you my favorite play of the year: Jerome Simpson, Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver, doing a front flip into the end zone to score a touchdown on Dec. 24, 2011.

18 thoughts on “The Bears and the Mayan Apocalypse”

  1. Catullas – thanks for setting me straight, I had never heard that.

    As a kid I was a huge Packer/Lombardi fan read and reread Kramer’s Green Bay Diary (which is interesting today as perspective – several players had to pool their money so they could afford to by a Cadillac as a Christmas present for a team mate!).

    Then I lost the religion of NFL and lived in the midst of the cheeseheads. There is nothing to apologize for after that. Expecting bad behavior was just smart preparation.

  2. And so, for another year George S. Halas is condemned to walk the heavenly sideline muttering “Wade to Ditka! Wade to Ditka!”

  3. The interesting thing about that flip is that if you look really close you can see him swipe his left hand along the bottom of the defenders helmet to control his rotation.

  4. Make that: “…now cheer for the Saints…” We’uns cain’t spell down here in da bayou.

  5. You should not cheer for the team from the city of your first teaching gig.

    Geaux Saints!

  6. While the Jets are my team their dismal history has caused me to have other favorites that I can root for if and when the Jets are bad. The Giants from New Jersey for instance with Peyton’s highly underrated brother. Da Bears because I always loved Chicago, Sid Luckman and Gale Sayers. I have a love/hate feeling about Pittsburgh because the Rooney’s are great, but Big Ben is a pig. Finally, The Saints, since the hurricane and with Drew Brees.

    Loath the Cowboys, Denver and New England though, so my rooting interest will fall to NY and NO. Jets broke my heart this year.

  7. That was one hell of a Touchdown was it not…..

    Did Chicago play any sports this year…….Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall….Seems to have escaped them all….

  8. Frankly–the dead-dog story is false; apparently, Devine let his dog lose one too many times:

    “Devine offered a detailed explanation in his autobiography, published in 2000. He acknowledged that his dogs wandered freely and created mischief; one turned up wounded during hunting season and was nursed back to health.”

    ““Rumors circulated that some disgruntled fans or anti-Devine people had shot my dog,” he said in the book. “I honestly don’t believe that was what happened.””

    ““We weren’t so lucky with another one of our dogs,” Devine continued. “It was only a couple days later, ironically, when the dog wandered over to a nearby farm and began chasing the farmer’s ducks. The farmer, a neighbor who we knew very well, fired a gun at the dog, intending to scare him and get him away from his ducks. Well, the bullet happened to hit the dog and killed him. He had every right to shoot at the dog, and he knew it and I knew it.”

    http://www.classicwisconsin.com/features/dandog.html

    I suggest you pray to St Vince, the Saint of “What in the hell’s going on out there?” and beg forgiveness for you error.

  9. I feel for ya prof -the only thing more obnoxious than the fan of a winning football team is a Packer fan when they are winning.

    Almost makes you long for the days when someone shot the coaches dogs because the Packers were on a losing streak.

  10. The topic when put into a law context for the law blog is illustrated by the recent case in the 7th Circuit Court of Appeals now going to the Supreme Court.
    Question Presented: Does the due process clause taken together with the equal protection clause of the 14th Amendment provide a cause of action for essentially state competing greivances between those who Pack and those known by they generic name Da Bears, and as a second question whether the Second Amendment right to arm bears be upheld in the claim of the Chicago plaintiff, or should this cause be remanded to state court?

  11. If it comes down to it, The Ravens will crush the Pack in the bowl. We can take solace in this fact.

  12. Last night, Eli Manning threw for his 15th touchdown pass in the fourth quarter. That passed his brother Peyton and Johnny Unitas who both had 14 single season 4th quarter touchdown passes.

    Archie must be proud. He never got to play for a real winning team, but his two sons vindicates him.

  13. Professor–how dare you claim that the Bears are God’s team when it is obvious that Packers bask in the Gold and Green light of God’s love.

  14. I can relate,I don’t have a Jets flag out front but I do have a knit cap which I will perform a similar cleansing and storage until next year.

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