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Sarcasm and the Vagina Vigilantes…or Who’s Funny Now?: Yucking It Up in the Battle of the Sexes

Submitted by Elaine Magliaro, Guest Blogger

Back in 2007, Christopher Hitchens penned an article for Vanity Fair titled Why Women Aren’t Funny. In it he wrote:

Men are overawed, not to say terrified, by the ability of women to produce babies. (Asked by a lady intellectual to summarize the differences between the sexes, another bishop responded, “Madam, I cannot conceive.”) It gives women an unchallengeable authority. And one of the earliest origins of humor that we know about is its role in the mockery of authority. Irony itself has been called “the glory of slaves.” So you could argue that when men get together to be funny and do not expect women to be there, or in on the joke, they are really playing truant and implicitly conceding who is really the boss…

If I am correct about this, which I am, then the explanation for the superior funniness of men is much the same as for the inferior funniness of women. Men have to pretend, to themselves as well as to women, that they are not the servants and supplicants. Women, cunning minxes that they are, have to affect not to be the potentates.

So—according to Hitchens—women are really “the bosses” because they are the baby makers. Men are the funny ones because they mock the authority of women who have wombs…and, therefore, the power! Who knew?

I get it. I think this explains why so many men in the GOP these days are proposing reproductive legislation.  These male vagina vigilantes—“uterati” is what I call them—must believe that their extreme legislation will give them (the funny guys) authority over women (the humorless baby makers). They’re trying to gain authority over the opposite sex by taking control of contraception…and women’s bodies.

The uterati’s strategy seems to be working because women have been getting their “funny” on lately. They are using social media and sarcasm in order to get their point across that they will not stand by humorlessly while proposed legislation that could have a negative impact on their lives is being discussed and voted upon.  That must mean that women will soon be seen as the supplicants and servants—at least according to the Christopher Hitchens equations:

funny people =  supplicants and servants

unfunny people = authority figures

Unfortunately, the vagina vigilantes just don’t seem to find much humor in what these women are doing.

So…let’s take a look at some some of the sarcastic things that women are doing, shall we? You can let me know if you think they’re funny.

In Mockery: Women’s new weapon, an article that appeared in Salon, Tracy Clark-Flory wrote:

From a proposed sex strike to mock legislation restricting access to Viagra, women are coming up with increasingly creative ways to respond to attacks on reproductive rights. Many of them are relying on something ladies are often said to be without: a sense of humor.

In case you didn’t catch on, the sex strike is tongue-in-cheek. Annette Maxberry-Carrara, founder of Liberal Ladies Who Lunch — the group that proposed the “Access Denied” protest — tells me with a laugh, “We’re not looking at it as a literal strike.” But they are making a serious political statement. The event’s tagline reads, “If our reproductive choices are denied, so are yours.”

Here are some examples of the mock legislation being proposed by women–and some men who respect women (God love them!)——courtesy of ThinkProgress:

EVERY SPERM HAS A RIGHT (OKLAHOMA): To poke fun at a “personhood” bill that gives full rights to a zygote, state Sen. Constance Johnson (D) introduced an amendment that would also declare every sperm to be sacred. “However, any action in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a woman’s vagina shall be interpreted and construed as an action against an unborn child,” her amendment stated.

NOTE: Senator Judy Eason of Tulsa, Oklahoma, attended a protest of the state’s extreme “Personhood” bill at the State Capitol recently. She borrowed a sign from another poster that read: “If I wanted the government in my womb I’d fuck a senator.” (Freak Out Nation)

CHILDREN DENIED BIRTH BECAUSE OF VASECTOMIES (GEORGIA): State Rep. Yasmin Neal (D) introduced legislation that would limit vasectomies. “Thousands of children are deprived of birth in this state every year because of the lack of state regulation over vasectomies,” Neal explained. Her measure is in response to a bill that would ban abortions after 20 weeks on the grounds that a fetus can feel pain — a claim disputed by doctors.

MORE HOOPS TO CLEAR FOR VIAGRA (OHIO): In response to Ohio’s so-called Heartbeat Bill, which would prevent abortions once a fetal heartbeat is detected, state Sen. Nina Turner (D) will introduce a bill that would make men jump through hoops, like a psychological screening, before they could obtain Viagra and similar drugs for erectile dysfunction. “All across the country, including in Ohio, I thought since men are certainly paying great attention to women’s health that we should definitely return the favor,” Turner said.

Note: A man would also have to get a notarized affidavit that was signed by his sexual partner affirming his impotency.

RECTAL EXAMS FOR A VIAGRA PRESCRIPTIONS (VIRGINIA): To protest Virginia’s bill requiring women to receive an ultrasound before an abortion, state Sen. Janet Howell (D) attached an amendment to the bill that would have required men to receive a rectal exam and pass a cardiac stress test before doctors wrote them a prescription for erectile dysfunction medication. “We need some gender equity here,” Howell said. The Virginia Senate rejected her amendment, but both chambers passed the ultrasound requirement after clarifying that women would not be forced to undergo a transvaginal ultrasound.

KNOW THE SIDE EFFECTS OF VIAGRA (ILLINOIS): State Rep. Kelly Cassidy (D) decided to push back against GOP attacks on women’s health by offering an amendment that would require men to watch a “horrific video” about the side effects of Viagra before they received a prescription for the drug. His bill is in response to a measure requiring women to undergo an ultrasound before an abortion. “If we are going to do this, we need to do it in a way that is applied equally,” Cassidy said.

PROTECT ALL SPERM (DELAWARE): Mocking the “personhood” measures, the town council in Wilmington, Delaware approved a satirical resolution “that asks state legislatures and U.S. Congress to enact laws that forbid men from destroying their semen.” The resolution notes that if lawmakers think a female egg has full rights, then they should say the same thing about sperm.

Women have also taken to leaving sarcastic comments on their governors’ Facebook pages. It was reported in The L Magazine that women had begun “wall bombing” and “sarcasm bombing”  the pages of politicians who were attempting to “roll back women’s rights.”

Written to Gov. Bob McDonnell of Virginia

Dear Doctor Governor-I have an issue with my vagina. I’m having a terrible flow and cramping. This happens every month. I’m not sure if it is related to the lack of an ultrasound or the lack of a pill (I know one is mandated but my poor addled lady brain can’t wrap my head around this issue). I’m guessing that it may be the ultrasound since I heard the men folk on the teevee telling us that contraception and the like is one step from abortion. What do I do Dr. Gov? Should I come to your office for the exam?

Written to Gov. Tom Corbett of Pennsylvania

I know this has nothing to do with this, but being a woman and all, I can’t stop thinking about my lady parts. You suggested women close their eyes when getting a transvaginal ultrasound, or Wand of Light, as we lovingly call it in some places. Do you also close your eyes when getting a mandatory anal probe for unrelated legal medical procedures? What else do you close your eyes for? I’m curious, your advice is so fascinating!

Written to Gov. Sam Brownback of Tennessee

I just called your office, and they wouldn’t let me schedule a pap smear. I’m confused, aren’t you taking care of all this now?

And

Governor, maybe you can help me. I have a funny rash on my labia. If I send you a photo, can you tell me what it is? I’m asking you because you seem to be an expert on women’s health, and I know I can’t be trusted to know anything about my own body. I’m just a woman, no better than livestock. It says so in the Bible…

 Written to Gov. Rick Perry of Texas

I promise to vote for you during the next run if you’ll allow me to incorporate my uterus.

Another tactic being proposed by a group called Government Free VJJ is the “Snatchel Project.” Government Free VJJ is encouraging women to knit uteruses and send them to male members of Congress. One of the group’s slogans is “If they have their own, they can leave ours alone!”

I’m a woman. I think this is all quite hilarious. How about you? Who do you think are the potentates now? Which do you think is the funnier sex?

SOURCES & FURTHER READING

Mockery: Women’s new weapon (Salon)

Why Women Aren’t Funny (Vanity Fair)

As Anti-Abortion Bills Gain Steam, Legislators Push Back With Legislation Mocking The Extreme Bills (Think Progress)

Women Knit Uteruses For Lawmakers (Think Progress)

Georgia Republican Compares Women to Cows, Pigs, And Chickens (Think Progress)

‘Dear Doctor Governor … ‘: Women Protest On GOP Govs’ Facebook Walls (TPMDC)

4 Ways To Combat the GOP’s War On Women (The L Magazine)

The 10 Most Ridiculous Things Old White Men Have Proposed About Women And Vaginas (The L Magazine)

10 Reasons The Rest Of The World Thinks The U.S. Is Nuts (Huffington Post)

Nursing Chastity (Bangor Daily News)

Sen. McIntyre holds a sign at protest: ‘If I wanted the govt in my womb I’d fuck a Senator’ (Freak Out Nation)

129 thoughts on “Sarcasm and the Vagina Vigilantes…or Who’s Funny Now?: Yucking It Up in the Battle of the Sexes”

  1. Elaine:

    “Women and many liberals/Democrats have been advocating that the government leave women’s genitalia alone…have been saying that women have the right to control what happens to their own bodies.”

    If you are for government run health care then you cannot make this claim. The idea that once government runs health care it would leave peoples bodies alone is wishful thinking.

    Who has been passing these laws? Government has been. Oh Liberals and Democrats will let you have your birth control and abortion but they will have their own pet ideas about what is good for you and how they are going to control you for your own good.

    When people step back and see that it is government which is doing this maybe they will start seeing that limited government isnt such a bad thing. Your Ox is being gored now and you are rightfully upset about it, so why would you entrust government with health care [or anything else for that matter] when that is about all of our bodies from head to toe?

    That is the problem with the left, they are not consistent and pick and chose which liberty killing legislation they like or dont like. Some liberty killing legislation is OK but some isnt. In the end that is what kills liberty. Liberty is all or nothing, you cannot be partially free.

    You dont give up liberty to enter into society you confer power to the government to protect you and your property from domestic and foreign threats.

    Liberals think this is showing how bad the GOP is, what it is really showing is how bad government can be when people with a will to power gain control. It is not just the GOP which needs to be stopped it is people with a will to power who need to be stopped. The Christian Right wants control of your genitals and the left wants control of everything else.

    The left is no better than Focus on the Family.

  3. “He’s already done damage to this country that can’t be undone.” -Elaine M.

    Yes. And some of the damage is still hidden…

  7. how long before women just stop telling people they are pregnant?
    …and going to Mexico or Canada for a ‘vacation’…..or maybe they will have mandatory ultrasounds at the borders?????

  9. re: Cheney

    “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” (Mark Twain)

  10. Republicans who continue to push this contraception platform have failed to realize that the open contempt, disrespect and derision being expressed through humor and sarcasm are genuine. The taunting scorn masks a concrete anger.

    Understanding sarcasm requires a social intelligence lacking in most conservatives who continue to deny that their contraceptive platform is a “catastrophic success”.

  11. anon nurse,

    “Dick Cheney has a new heart. Maybe he got a real one, this time…”

    I was thinking the same thing. Still, it would be too late. He’s already done damage to this country that can’t be undone.

  13. Kansas to Pregnant Women: “A Little Lie from Your Doctor Won’t Hurt You”
    Written by Jennifer Dalven
    ACLU
    March 15, 2012
    http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/article/2012/03/15/kansas-to-pregnant-women-little-lie-from-your-doctor-wont-hurt-you

    Excerpt:
    It’s what every pregnant woman I know dreads. Going into that big ultrasound, having the ultrasound tech, who had been so chatty, suddenly go silent. Having her do sweep after sweep across your belly without saying another word, until finally, she gets up and solemnly says, “I am going to get the doctor.”

    As far as pregnancy nightmares go, I thought that was one of the worst. But now politicians in Kansas are giving pregnant women and their partners something new to worry about. Buried in a sweeping anti-abortion bill is a provision that would immunize a doctor who discovers that a baby will be born with a devastating condition and deliberately withholds that information from his patient. That’s right. If the bill passes, a doctor who opposes abortion could decide to lie about the results of your blood tests, your ultrasound, your cvs or your amnio. Lie to you so that you won’t have information that might lead you to decide to end your pregnancy or that might lead you to learn more about your child’s condition so that you are prepared to be the best parent you can be to your child.

    Now, I have been working for a long time defending the right of a pregnant woman to make the best decision for herself and her family, whether that is continuing the pregnancy, adoption, or abortion, based on full, accurate information. I thought I had seen just about every manner of government intrusion into those fundamentally personal and private decisions. I thought I was past the point of being shocked and outraged. But as a mother who has been through those ultrasounds myself, the thought that my doctor could choose to withhold this information from me and take this decision away from me and my husband … well, let’s just say it really touched a nerve.

    And, unfortunately, it’s not just Kansas. Other states motivated by anti-abortion zeal are jumping on the it’s-ok-for-doctors-to lie-to-their-patients-to-prevent-them-from-having-an-abortion bandwagon. Oklahoma recently passed a similar law. And, the Arizona legislature is considering a similar bill.

  14. Alaska Rep Says Women Should Have To Get Man’s Permission To Obtain an Abortion
    by Robin Marty, RH Reality Check
    March 20, 2012
    http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/article/2012/03/20/alaska-rep-says-women-should-have-to-get-mans-permission-before-aborting

    Excerpt:
    Alaska is, apparently, itching to be among the growing number of states in which the GOP is proposing or already requires that women undergo invasive, expensive, medically-unnecessary forced ultrasounds before obtaining an abortion. But one state GOP representative, apparently itching for a grand entry into the ol’ boys misogyny club in the lower 49, suggests women should have to get permission from whomever impregnated them if they wanted to terminate the pregnancy.

    Via The Mudflats:

    [I]f you’re not fully convinced yet that Alaska is the next front in the GOP’s war on women, you just have to listen to State Rep. Alan Dick. He said that he doesn’t believe that when a woman is pregnant, it’s really “her pregnancy.” As a matter of fact, he would advocate for criminalizing women who have an abortion without the permission via written signature from the man who impregnated her. He stated, “If I thought that the man’s signature was required… required, in order for a woman to have an abortion, I’d have a little more peace about it…” He didn’t say whether a rapist would be able to send his signature by fax from prison, or not. But he’ll have “peace” and women will require a permission slip for their own bodies.

  16. Swarthmore mom 1, March 25, 2012 at 9:33 am

    anon nurse, Because Texas has the highest number of uninsured, the state desperately needs the services of Planned Parenthood. It is the only place that some women can get healthcare. Perry and the republican legislature have eliminated planned parenthood’s funding so these women have no where to go. Some are undocumented.

    Swarthmore mom,

    I know… I’ve been a supporter of Planned Parenthood for decades.

  17. Doctors Pressure FDA for Nonprescription Birth Control Pills
    By Anna Edney – Mar 23, 2012
    http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-03-23/doctors-press-fda-in-push-for-birth-control-without-prescription.html

    Excerpt:
    The Food and Drug Administration is considering expanding the list of drugs that can be bought without a prescription, an opening birth-control advocates are seizing to reignite debate over reproductive rights.

    The agency discussed at a hearing yesterday whether cholesterol, asthma, migraine and blood-pressure medications should be sold over-the-counter, a regulatory change intended to lower costs and ease access to drugs for people with chronic ailments. Reproductive-rights advocates today urged that any expansion of nonprescription drugs include birth control.

    Amid an election campaign that has at times focused on women’s health, and fewer than four months after the Obama administration overrode the FDA’s support for expanding nonprescription sales of morning-after pills, the hearing was another front in the debate over birth control. Women can determine whether they should use oral contraceptives, and may be better off not seeing a physician, said Eleanor Schwarz, an associate professor of medicine at the University of Pittsburgh, in a telephone interview.

    “It has been a politically charged topic,” said Schwarz, who addressed the FDA. “When we keep it within the purely health-and-science realm, we understand it saves people’s lives. All available contraceptives are much safer for women’s health than an undesired pregnancy.”

    Republican presidential candidates, including Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum, have attacked U.S. President Barack Obama’s 2010 health-care law for violating religious freedom by requiring most employers to provide contraceptive coverage. More than six in 10 respondents to a Bloomberg National Poll — including almost 70 percent of women — say the issue is a matter of health care and access to birth control rather than religious liberty, according to the survey taken March 8-11.

  18. Not a Joke: Personhood for Women
    by Soraya Chemaly
    March 22, 2012
    http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/article/2012/03/11/personhood-women-its-not-joke

    Excerpt:
    Melissa McEwan started a Personhood for Women petition suggesting that “a person identifying as a woman and/or having a uterus shall retain all of the full, basic, and fundamental rights of a US citizen as guaranteed by the Declaration of Independence” and urging Senators Patty Murray, Al Franken and Kristin Gillibrand to consider proposing this as an amendment in Congress. It’s not a joke. As far as I can tell, it’s an anti-“personhood for zygotes” (fertilized eggs) petition and important since we are apparently, as a country, electing people who are willing to endanger women’s equality, liberty and fundamental rights.

    What are you, as a woman, or as a man related to one, willing to trade when you vote for a presidential candidate who signed the Personhood Pledge or a legislator who supports anti-choice “personhood”-based bills? Are you really going to vote to trade rights for talking points?

    Of the Republican presidential candidates, only Mitt Romney hasn’t yet signed the Personhood Pledge, for which he’s been castigated by the anti-choice movement. Presidential candidates, and those that support personhood, are pledging to do the following:

    1.Give the government the right to seize a woman’s body to protect a fetus

    2.Empower hospitals and doctors, with government support, to force a woman to bear a child and/or have a cesarean against her will

    3.Criminalize abortion (including all circumstances: rape, incest, life-threatening pregnancy, severe fetal deformity)

    4.Criminalize stillbirths in certain situations (who decides which?)

    Examples of these state powers are sadly already available. Case in point: Bei Bei Shuai, has been arrested in Indiana and charged with murder. She, a pregnant woman, became depressed that she attempted suicide. Friends managed to save her, and although Ms. Shuai did everything she could, including undergoing cesarean surgery, her newborn died shortly after birth. A Free Bei Bei petition was recently launched on Change.org. If you want to learn more about the punishment of pregnant women visit National Advocates for Pregnant Women. But, you might want to take an anti-depressant before you do.

    In addition, personhood legislation bans most forms of birth control, including pills and IUDs, and in vitro fertilization. Yes, many of these bills outlaw birth control and shut down fertility clinics.

  19. Wisconsin Lawmaker: If You Are Being Beaten, Just Remember the Things You Love About Your Husband
    by Jodi Jacobson, Editor in Chief, RH Reality Check
    http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/article/2012/03/23/wisconsin-lawmaker-you-are-being-beaten-just-remember-things-you-love-about-yourMarch 23, 2012

    Excerpt:
    If you need any further proof that we are in the midst of a full-on patriarchal biblical-religious war on women, a Wisconsin lawmaker is happy to provide it.

    According to Yahoo News, Wisconsin Rep. Don Pridemore helpfully suggests that, rather than divorcing an abusive spouse, you should try to remember the things you love about the guy while he is beating you up.

    In Wisconsin — yes, the same state where lawmakers have introduced a bill penalizing single mothers for being unmarried — a Republican state representative has come out against divorce for any reason — even domestic abuse.

    Instead of leaving an abusive situation, women should try to remember the things they love about their husbands, Representative Don Pridemore said. “If they can re-find those reasons and get back to why they got married in the first place it might help,” he told a local news station.

    Yahoo continues:

    Pridemore — who, coincidentally, is a co-sponsor of Republican state Senator Glenn Grothman’s “being single causes child abuse” bill as well as a controversial voter ID bill that was ruled unconstitutional earlier this week.

    Grothman now asserts that not only is single parenthood a factor in child abuse, women in particular are to blame for it.

  20. Illinois Democrats Use “Poison-Pill” to Foil Passage of Forced Ultrasound Bill
    by Robin Marty, RH Reality Check
    March 23, 2012
    http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/article/2012/03/23/illinois-democrats-poison-pill-mandatory-ultrasound-bill

    Democrats in the Illinois House have found an ingenious way to foil passage of a forced ultrasound bill.

    Poison-pill amendments.

    A poison-pill, an amendment or rule in an agreement usually meant to negate an entire deal, is often used in contract negotiations. Now lawmakers are using the tactic on the legislative floor.

    According to WJBC.com:

    The amendments approved in committee would: tighten regulations on who can perform ultrasounds; require disclosure of the cost of the ultrasound; extend the ultrasound requirement to dozens of other medical procedures; tie insurance coverage of erectile dysfunction medication to that of birth control pills; and require counseling for men seeking treatment for erectile dysfunction.

    The original sponsor of the bill, State Rep. Joe Lyons, needless to say is unhappy with what he calls these “hostile amendments.”

    “If you want to kill my bill, kill it on the House floor,” said Lyons.

    “Men’s Health” protest laws have been popping up all over the country, requiring exams for erectile drugs, vasectomy disclosures and so on, but this appears to be the first time a proposal has been used to actively attack anti-choice legislation. Here’s hoping it’s the first of many.

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