Submitted by Elaine Magliaro, Guest Blogger
Back in 2007, Christopher Hitchens penned an article for Vanity Fair titled Why Women Aren’t Funny. In it he wrote:
Men are overawed, not to say terrified, by the ability of women to produce babies. (Asked by a lady intellectual to summarize the differences between the sexes, another bishop responded, “Madam, I cannot conceive.”) It gives women an unchallengeable authority. And one of the earliest origins of humor that we know about is its role in the mockery of authority. Irony itself has been called “the glory of slaves.” So you could argue that when men get together to be funny and do not expect women to be there, or in on the joke, they are really playing truant and implicitly conceding who is really the boss…
If I am correct about this, which I am, then the explanation for the superior funniness of men is much the same as for the inferior funniness of women. Men have to pretend, to themselves as well as to women, that they are not the servants and supplicants. Women, cunning minxes that they are, have to affect not to be the potentates.
So—according to Hitchens—women are really “the bosses” because they are the baby makers. Men are the funny ones because they mock the authority of women who have wombs…and, therefore, the power! Who knew?
I get it. I think this explains why so many men in the GOP these days are proposing reproductive legislation. These male vagina vigilantes—“uterati” is what I call them—must believe that their extreme legislation will give them (the funny guys) authority over women (the humorless baby makers). They’re trying to gain authority over the opposite sex by taking control of contraception…and women’s bodies.
The uterati’s strategy seems to be working because women have been getting their “funny” on lately. They are using social media and sarcasm in order to get their point across that they will not stand by humorlessly while proposed legislation that could have a negative impact on their lives is being discussed and voted upon. That must mean that women will soon be seen as the supplicants and servants—at least according to the Christopher Hitchens equations:
funny people = supplicants and servants
unfunny people = authority figures
Unfortunately, the vagina vigilantes just don’t seem to find much humor in what these women are doing.
So…let’s take a look at some some of the sarcastic things that women are doing, shall we? You can let me know if you think they’re funny.
In Mockery: Women’s new weapon, an article that appeared in Salon, Tracy Clark-Flory wrote:
From a proposed sex strike to mock legislation restricting access to Viagra, women are coming up with increasingly creative ways to respond to attacks on reproductive rights. Many of them are relying on something ladies are often said to be without: a sense of humor.
In case you didn’t catch on, the sex strike is tongue-in-cheek. Annette Maxberry-Carrara, founder of Liberal Ladies Who Lunch — the group that proposed the “Access Denied” protest — tells me with a laugh, “We’re not looking at it as a literal strike.” But they are making a serious political statement. The event’s tagline reads, “If our reproductive choices are denied, so are yours.”
Here are some examples of the mock legislation being proposed by women–and some men who respect women (God love them!)——courtesy of ThinkProgress:
EVERY SPERM HAS A RIGHT (OKLAHOMA): To poke fun at a “personhood” bill that gives full rights to a zygote, state Sen. Constance Johnson (D) introduced an amendment that would also declare every sperm to be sacred. “However, any action in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a woman’s vagina shall be interpreted and construed as an action against an unborn child,” her amendment stated.
NOTE: Senator Judy Eason of Tulsa, Oklahoma, attended a protest of the state’s extreme “Personhood” bill at the State Capitol recently. She borrowed a sign from another poster that read: “If I wanted the government in my womb I’d fuck a senator.” (Freak Out Nation)
CHILDREN DENIED BIRTH BECAUSE OF VASECTOMIES (GEORGIA): State Rep. Yasmin Neal (D) introduced legislation that would limit vasectomies. “Thousands of children are deprived of birth in this state every year because of the lack of state regulation over vasectomies,” Neal explained. Her measure is in response to a bill that would ban abortions after 20 weeks on the grounds that a fetus can feel pain — a claim disputed by doctors.
MORE HOOPS TO CLEAR FOR VIAGRA (OHIO): In response to Ohio’s so-called Heartbeat Bill, which would prevent abortions once a fetal heartbeat is detected, state Sen. Nina Turner (D) will introduce a bill that would make men jump through hoops, like a psychological screening, before they could obtain Viagra and similar drugs for erectile dysfunction. “All across the country, including in Ohio, I thought since men are certainly paying great attention to women’s health that we should definitely return the favor,” Turner said.
Note: A man would also have to get a notarized affidavit that was signed by his sexual partner affirming his impotency.
RECTAL EXAMS FOR A VIAGRA PRESCRIPTIONS (VIRGINIA): To protest Virginia’s bill requiring women to receive an ultrasound before an abortion, state Sen. Janet Howell (D) attached an amendment to the bill that would have required men to receive a rectal exam and pass a cardiac stress test before doctors wrote them a prescription for erectile dysfunction medication. “We need some gender equity here,” Howell said. The Virginia Senate rejected her amendment, but both chambers passed the ultrasound requirement after clarifying that women would not be forced to undergo a transvaginal ultrasound.
KNOW THE SIDE EFFECTS OF VIAGRA (ILLINOIS): State Rep. Kelly Cassidy (D) decided to push back against GOP attacks on women’s health by offering an amendment that would require men to watch a “horrific video” about the side effects of Viagra before they received a prescription for the drug. His bill is in response to a measure requiring women to undergo an ultrasound before an abortion. “If we are going to do this, we need to do it in a way that is applied equally,” Cassidy said.
PROTECT ALL SPERM (DELAWARE): Mocking the “personhood” measures, the town council in Wilmington, Delaware approved a satirical resolution “that asks state legislatures and U.S. Congress to enact laws that forbid men from destroying their semen.” The resolution notes that if lawmakers think a female egg has full rights, then they should say the same thing about sperm.
Women have also taken to leaving sarcastic comments on their governors’ Facebook pages. It was reported in The L Magazine that women had begun “wall bombing” and “sarcasm bombing” the pages of politicians who were attempting to “roll back women’s rights.”
Written to Gov. Bob McDonnell of Virginia
Dear Doctor Governor-I have an issue with my vagina. I’m having a terrible flow and cramping. This happens every month. I’m not sure if it is related to the lack of an ultrasound or the lack of a pill (I know one is mandated but my poor addled lady brain can’t wrap my head around this issue). I’m guessing that it may be the ultrasound since I heard the men folk on the teevee telling us that contraception and the like is one step from abortion. What do I do Dr. Gov? Should I come to your office for the exam?
Written to Gov. Tom Corbett of Pennsylvania
I know this has nothing to do with this, but being a woman and all, I can’t stop thinking about my lady parts. You suggested women close their eyes when getting a transvaginal ultrasound, or Wand of Light, as we lovingly call it in some places. Do you also close your eyes when getting a mandatory anal probe for unrelated legal medical procedures? What else do you close your eyes for? I’m curious, your advice is so fascinating!
Written to Gov. Sam Brownback of Tennessee
I just called your office, and they wouldn’t let me schedule a pap smear. I’m confused, aren’t you taking care of all this now?
And
Governor, maybe you can help me. I have a funny rash on my labia. If I send you a photo, can you tell me what it is? I’m asking you because you seem to be an expert on women’s health, and I know I can’t be trusted to know anything about my own body. I’m just a woman, no better than livestock. It says so in the Bible…
Written to Gov. Rick Perry of Texas
I promise to vote for you during the next run if you’ll allow me to incorporate my uterus.
Another tactic being proposed by a group called Government Free VJJ is the “Snatchel Project.” Government Free VJJ is encouraging women to knit uteruses and send them to male members of Congress. One of the group’s slogans is “If they have their own, they can leave ours alone!”
I’m a woman. I think this is all quite hilarious. How about you? Who do you think are the potentates now? Which do you think is the funnier sex?
SOURCES & FURTHER READING
Mockery: Women’s new weapon (Salon)
Why Women Aren’t Funny (Vanity Fair)
As Anti-Abortion Bills Gain Steam, Legislators Push Back With Legislation Mocking The Extreme Bills (Think Progress)
Women Knit Uteruses For Lawmakers (Think Progress)
Georgia Republican Compares Women to Cows, Pigs, And Chickens (Think Progress)
‘Dear Doctor Governor … ‘: Women Protest On GOP Govs’ Facebook Walls (TPMDC)
4 Ways To Combat the GOP’s War On Women (The L Magazine)
The 10 Most Ridiculous Things Old White Men Have Proposed About Women And Vaginas (The L Magazine)
10 Reasons The Rest Of The World Thinks The U.S. Is Nuts (Huffington Post)
Nursing Chastity (Bangor Daily News)
Sen. McIntyre holds a sign at protest: ‘If I wanted the govt in my womb I’d fuck a Senator’ (Freak Out Nation)
Catholic Universities That Receive Federal Funding Must Provide Access to Birth Control
Lise Rahdert
http://www.policymic.com/debates/3864
Excerpt:
While the argument that the Obama administration violates Catholic employers’ religious liberty when it requires them to provide contraception might seem straightforward, legal precedent does not support this view. The government has always been empowered to grant some religious exceptions to legal requirements and not others. For example, in 1879 the Supreme Court ruled in Reynolds v. United States that prohibiting polygamy did not violate a Mormon’s freedom of religion, because the societal costs of allowing plural marriage were too great. On the other hand, in 1972 the Court ruled that Amish children could not be forced to attend school after the eighth grade because forcing them to do so violated their parents’ religious freedom.
Not all religious exemptions from state and federal law are created equal in the eyes of the government. Thus, it is up to the legislature and the judiciary to determine which religious exemptions from existing law the Constitution protects. This is a dangerous situation in which we find ourselves, with the government holding the power to grant some theological arguments more legitimacy than others. Respect for freedom of religion is fundamental, but a religious exception that risks public health by preventing thousands of people from obtaining basic health services should not be permitted.
One particularly insensitive argument came from Michael Galligan-Stierle, president of the Association of Catholic Colleges and Universities. He asserts that students who do not like the contraception policies at Catholic colleges should simply attend another university: “No one would go to a Jewish barbecue and expect pork chops to be served.” In other words: If you don’t like the rules, don’t play the game.
This argument is specious. First, it is difficult to imagine a student being able to anticipate her need for birth control prior to attending college. The requirement that sexually active women transfer to other universities is both thoughtless and unrealistic. Second, many young women take birth control pills out of medical necessity and do not use it as contraception that the Church abhors. Third, the same argument can easily be made against administrators of Catholic universities. If the rule that an institution’s insurance must cover birth control is so offensive, perhaps it is time for university administrators to explore a new industry or at least refuse to accept federal funding.
The Catholic Church hierarchy opposes contraception while the vast majority of its adherents do not. Nighty-eight percent of sexually active Catholic women use some form of contraception, indicating that the vast majority of Catholic women do not share the official views of the Church with respect to birth control. Mutual respect for religious beliefs is part of what makes America an attractive place for many, but there comes a time when it must bow to the needs of public health.
Dredd1, March 25, 2012 at 3:07 pm
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I got it 😉 it also seemed quite cleverly to advocate a greener fuel….
got to admit tho, broccoli kitty was a cutie !
Bron,
Catholic hospitals are free not to hire non-Catholics. They are free not to accept money from the government too. It works both ways.
“I think all of this which republicans are doing, is just taking a page from the liberal play book of government coercion/force.”
And the Moon is made of green cheese!
“Liberals really dont have a leg to stand on in this debate.”
Of which debate are you speaking?
Elaine:
“We liberals are not all the same, you know.”
I agree.
Elaine:
“Why should a woman who works for a Catholic hospital–many of whose employees and patients are not Catholic–that receives government money be denied such coverage?”
They are free not to work there. Government should not fund health care, in fact government shouldnt do a good many things it does.
I think all of this which republicans are doing, is just taking a page from the liberal play book of government coercion/force.
It isnt very good is it? Liberals really dont have a leg to stand on in this debate. Ekeyra alluded to that above.
Dredd,
?????????
Can’t imagine husbands using it on wives. So maybe vice versa, but Kerstin was much more subtle than that in her controlling.
Please explain, even it it kills the joke.
Bron,
“A will to power in this case is someone who wants power over others.”
The Catholic bishops and the Republicans who are pushing this extreme reproductive legislation are the ones who want power over others.
Bron,
The mandate doesn’t force women to take contraceptives. It requires contraceptive coverage. It doesn’t force religious institutions to pay for the coverage. Many women are asking that contraceptive coverage be provided for them in their health care plans–which they help to pay for. They’re asking that their needs be respected. Why should a woman who works for a Catholic hospital–many of whose employees and patients are not Catholic–that receives government money be denied such coverage?
*****
“The left assumes, as it always seems to with any group of people, that women are a homogeneous body and all will think as they do.”
Who is making a generalization about a whole group of people here, Bron? You are the one who often casts all progressives and liberals in a negative light on this blog. We liberals are not all the same, you know.
The women who are against health insurance mandates for private organizations would deny women who work for those organizations the right to contraceptive coverage. They would impose their beliefs on other women. That doesn’t show much respect for the rights of women who feel differently–and the rights of women who may need birth control pills to treat their medical conditions…or to limit their families.
I believe in individual freedom–as do the women who are asking that their rights be respected. They don’t think their reproductive rights and medical needs should take a back seat to the bishops’ demands.
idealist707 1, March 25, 2012 at 2:31 pm
I used irony, sarcasm and ridicule for decades. Didn’t change a single mind.
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How many married minds?
Woosty’s still a Cat 1, March 25, 2012 at 11:57 am
Dredd, seriously Dude….broccolli?
…..broccolli…..?
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Sorry I took so long to respond. I have been out working in my gardens (two vegetable gardens, many flower gardens) …
Anyway, I suppose you are talking about a link within my link above that goes out to
Washington’s Blogbroccoli.That post is fully and completely sarcastic, pointing out that Libyan invasion was unequivocally about oil and world central banks.
Like Hussein in Iraq, Quadhaffi decided to nationalize oil and remove his country’s monetary system from the dollar and central banks.
It is called “suicide by cops” in Los Angeles, in world politics behind closed doors it is called “suicide by fucking around with the 1% oil or money.”
Blouise:
I was not thinking about Nietzsche.
A will to power in this case is someone who wants power over others. That is all. Many politicians want power over others, most seem to be on the left [granted there are right power grabbers as well]. They keep their hands off of genitalia but on everything else.
I should have been more explicit, thank you for giving me a chance to clarify.
By the way Rand was not a fan of Nietzsche if that is what you were implying.
Just to clear it up, here is a sampling of Rand’s views on abortion:
“I cannot quite imagine the state of mind of a person who would wish to condemn a fellow human being to such a horror. I cannot project the degree of hatred required to make those women run around in crusades against abortion. Hatred is what they certainly project, not love for the embryos, which is a piece of nonsense no one could experience, but hatred, a virulent hatred for an unnamed object. Judging by the degree of those women’s intensity, I would say that it is an issue of self-esteem and that their fear is metaphysical. Their hatred is directed against human beings as such, against the mind, against reason, against ambition, against success, against love, against any value that brings happiness to human life. In compliance with the dishonesty that dominates today’s intellectual field, they call themselves “pro-life.”
By what right does anyone claim the power to dispose of the lives of others and to dictate their personal choices?”
“By what right does anyone claim the power to dispose of the lives of others and to dictate their personal choices?”
You may not agree with her but at least she is consistent.
I used irony, sarcasm and ridicule for decades. Didn’t change a single mind.
If it is perceived, it only identifies who the “enemy” is and closes the mind so that all information given is treated as enemy propaganda.
What can we do outside this circle to counter them? Create demonstrations, yes, thus get media space. But the message has to awaken women, which the above weapons won’t do.
Better a simplistic message grounded on every woman’s life experience.
Like:
“POLITICIANS, KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY BODY, YOU CREEPS”
IT’S MINE TO OWN,
Or simply:
KEEP YOUR STINKING HANDS OFF ME.
Remember Niemöller,
How can we inject courage in those who crouch in fear? Thank God we don’t have proxy voting, or men following their wives into the voting booth.
And I am thinking of the women who are descendants of those who survived “nazi” cults though millenia by yelding silently.
Elaine:
“We have be[en] too quiet and too apathetic for too long.”
I agree with that.
I know some Christian women who have great respect for themselves who disagree with you. While they agree that forced ultrasounds are not right they are against abortion and against contraceptive mandates on private orgs.
The left assumes, as it always seems to with any group of people, that women are a homogeneous body and all will think as they do. They do the same with blacks, with Hispanics, with every group. That is because they do not see individuals but only groups of people.
You can be a woman and be against abortion and against mandatory ultrasounds. And you can also be a woman and be against abortion but want no state control of abortion services either way.
There are still plenty of women who believe in individual freedom.
“It is not just the GOP which needs to be stopped it is people with a will to power who need to be stopped.” (Bron)
If you are going to try and work Nietzsche into the conversation at least do so in a manner that indicates a basic understanding of his doctrine of the will to power.
lottakatz,
“Rep. Alan Dick eh, some jokes just write themselves”
My thoughts exactly!
Bron,
Some people choose to use their power for the good of the people. Some choose to use it to advance their own agenda. Who is writing the extreme legislation that is trying to take women’s reproductive choices away from them? Who is writing the ultrasound and personhood bills? Which party is attempting to come between women and their doctors?
Government does much good–and much that is not good. It is up to us to speak out when we don’t like what politicians/our elected representatives are doing. That is what this post was about–women finding ways to address their grievances and fighting for their reproductive rights.
I’m not like you. I don’t see that everything that government does is bad. I do believe, however, that citizens need to be vigilant about their rights. We have be too quiet and too apathetic for too long.
P.S. The GOP does look bad. Ask any woman who has respect for herself and her fellow females.
SWM and Elaine M., regarding the postings “Where is the Outrage” and mandated silence on the effects of fracking chemicals.
The only class more affected by these kinds of bills than the patients are the doctors. I too am amazed at the total lack of push-back by physicians. These are needless tests and (by extension regarding the fracking law) potentially withholding information that could harm or exacerbate the harm accruing to patients. The laws may be written in such a way as to minimize criminal liability to physicians but what about civil liability?
I bet that unified, strong opposition to these laws and laws like them by physicians would make a difference.
Man, I remember when doctors were sump’in sump’in, no one messed with doctors.
BARNEY COLLIER
You have obviously NOT studied how eggs and sperm produce babies.
Nor do you understand genetics either.
So answering you is useless.
But will offer this info to help you.
Cloning has been in use for years, Gene splicing too.
Gene modification for medical reasons as well.
The rest is not my speculations, but foreseeable scientific development.
So take your offer and sell it elsewhere. Let us in the meanwhile develop better ways to defeat cancer, etc. through understanding gene modification.
And if twigs were producible from eggs we would be able to make them too.
As it is we have GMOs Gene Modified Organisms (plants) which you eat each day. Get it?
Elaine M: “Via The Mudflats:
[I]f you’re not fully convinced yet that Alaska is the next front in the GOP’s war on women, you just have to listen to State Rep. Alan Dick. He said that he doesn’t believe that when a woman is pregnant, it’s really “her pregnancy.” As a matter of fact, he would advocate for criminalizing women who have an abortion without the permission via written signature from the man who impregnated her.”
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Rep. Alan Dick eh, some jokes just write themselves 🙂