Hello Dave: I Am Quantum Computer 9000

Do you remember HAL (Heuristically programmed ALgorithmic computer) in 2001 Space Odyssey, the super intelligent computer? Well, meet Quantum the new crystal-based computer. In Nature Magazine, scientists have announced that they have a crystal that will allow the creation of a quantum computer that would take a computer the size of the known universe to match it. To those scientists at the University of Sydney, just be careful when Quantum says “I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I’ve still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.” If you hear that, run for the airlock.

The scientists are exploring a new horizon of computing in the use of Quantum Computing — a level of computation that is almost difficult to imagine. The crystal based computer uses superposition, where a quantum particle known as a qubit appears to be in two distinct states at the same time. Increase the qubits, you increase the the number of “states” exponentially. I will pretend I understand that since the closest thing I ever heard to “qubits” was Bill Crosby in the construction of the Ark:

The problem with these quibits? Study co-author University of Sydney’s Dr Michael Biercuk: “They’re not easily checked by a classical computer which opens a whole variety of problems.” Well, yea, “Dave.” Why do I expect in some lab in Sydney a crystal computer is about to say: “Look [Micheal], I can see you’re really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.”

Source: Radio Australia as first seen on Reddit.

33 thoughts on “Hello Dave: I Am Quantum Computer 9000”

  1. She does have black hair. Maybe she’s trying to come out of the computer.

  2. I think if you read the entire blog comment from taipai, you will go insane in 7 days by a soaking black haired girl that comes out of the TV.

  3. LK,

    I second your recommendation of “Press Enter” by John Varley.

    Or anything by John Varley for that matter.

  4. The ice is hard enough to skate on.I just made it!He came to the point at once.There are mice next to the refrigerator, under the sink and inside the cupboard!This wayHe used to learn everything by rote.He used to learn everything by rote.Congratulations!He has a remarkable memory.On behalf of my company, I would like to welcome you here.

  5. Wot a Bunch of Goofballs.

    Jeesh, not one comment on the actual content of the discovery or the scientific underpinnings of the science behind this invention.

    Well I guess that gives a good demographic on the people who regularly visit this blog. A bunch of liberal arts majors – iow “Fuzzies”, Penny from the Big Bang Theory.

    Just so not to be hypocritical, it occurs to me that the complexity of different states that the substrate crystal could support would be on order of the number of synapses in the human brain, and then even further the number of states those synapses could potentially take on.

    The article here didn’t go into enough detail, but I am imagining a medium that can support an entropic inversion by passively keeping Fermi spin based particles entangled indefinitely, or at least for long enough to do calculations.
    In a three dimensional medium that contains quadrillions of quantum units, the potential for calculation based on simple cascading sieves is astonishing alone, no need for real active calculation.

    The problem is how would they do it at room temperature, or maybe they just intend to keep it at cryogenic levels.

    Very intriguing if it isn’t just a gedenken experiment.

    1. It is obvious if you read many of the blogs that many Americans often make their determinations without having enought facts. It’s like betting, you have a chance of being 50% correct on a specific issue and many of the yahoos out there think that’s cool. Even if they don’t understand anything about the issue they can make a ridiculous comment and perhaps be right.

  6. MJ,
    Nor tomorrow for that matter. Just hope to finish drinkng my wine, cheap but excellent Salentino from Puglia.

    As for Jupiter, good point again. It would be fhe first attractor encountered by invaders from Oort..

  7. ID707,

    Jupiter is the huge gas planet that absorbs most of the asteroids. You don’t need to worry about what’s going to happen in 5 gigayears.

  8. MJ
    Good question. Qubits will but that we create around them will not.
    Otherwise nice thought. Shall we put one out in space with long term nuclear power with just the task of creating a species which doesn’t self-destruct.
    If we put it in orbit around Jupiter, it’ll even survive the sun becoming a red giant in 5 gigayears. That’s a trusting thought.

  9. Do you remember an earlier post about methane gas causing an extinction event by the middle of the 21st century? Will Quantum Computer 9000 be able to survive?

  10. You can call her Hill, for short. After her famous predecessor. It was the who said: “Just running the world.” to a casual “Whatcha doing” from our equally world running fixated Prez.

    They’re part of the gang who say “let’s go watch them put down Bin Laden.”
    Better than the ball game, they feel. By the way, says one filing past the corridor SS guards: “Have you seen the latest black op in Af-land? It’s looping on Ch 10. ”

    Good people to have on your side)?!

  11. LottaKatz,


    Don’t want to leave an impression that I’m a male sexist pig (reality?), so will add a bit.

    What the world was like or what I was like when I read it for the first time is not accessible in my memory now. But wonder if my reaction was: “so this is how the first female super computer tech is portrayed”?? Of course her fate was easy to guess from the beginning, but that ours was, is also of course to all who have read enough soft SF. But the question always presented is: Is it benign or not, and to what degree????
    IT is essentially benign, since the WILL and the punishments were benign for the human race (selective breeding).
    It is not the HILARIOUS faukt (I have named it that) thát there are so many “unworthies” in our species. But it is sensitive and fatally so to those who might fathom it and thus might combat its right to live and control our society.

    I chose pointing our female antagonist by her most visible attributes. This implies neither breast fixation nor abhorrence of gleeful T-shirt slogans; a strong appreciation of both is present however.

    And since the beginning of my life in the Orient, which predates my time in Bangkok, the inscrutable oriental and his equally so culture have been fortunately scrutable to me, and have never qualified for “other”.

    I leave an open invitation to appreciators to OT this and other threads in admirative or otherwise of this or other Varley stories. You can probably guess my favorite. It is centered in New Mexico.

Comments are closed.