The Armor-Plated Yuppie: Columbian Designer Makes Bulletproof Polo Shirts

Colombian designer Miguel Caballero has the perfect accessory this year for that yuppie with everything: a bulletproof polo shirt. The 4-pound shirt at $4000 can stop an Uzi and is being marketed as the “Armani of bulletproof clothing.” Finally, all those yuppies who wore their polo collars up can claim to be nothing short of urban (lawn) warriors.

On various websites, customers can choose from various options:

OPTION IIA: 9mm / 40 Smith and Wesson FMJ
OPTION II: 9mm / .357 Magnum / 38 Super / Mini Uzi submachine gun
OPTION IIIA: Uzi machine gun / MP5,MP9 submachine gun / 44 Magnum SJHP / Stab-proof

Some sites state the price can go as high as $12,000 to make yourself into a yuppie tank.

Frankly, the stab proof option can come in handy at those rowdy lawn parties when Bif and Muffy start talking politics.

THe company claims such clients as”Steven Seagal, King Abdullah of Jordan, President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela, President Alvaro Uribe of Colombia, and Prince Felipe of Spain.” I can understand Seagal given the reaction of most people demanding their money back after seeing one of his movies. Likewise, the threat of a PETA hit on Felipe alone is enough to prompt the purchase.

However, just as you have to discern the difference between water-proof and water-resistant, the devil is in the details on bulletproof polo shirts. When pressed, a company general manager admitted “bullet-resistent” may be more accurate. It is not clear how it does on salsa stains.

Source: Smart Money

33 thoughts on “The Armor-Plated Yuppie: Columbian Designer Makes Bulletproof Polo Shirts”

  1. ID707,

    Do you know why they use 22’s? Low velocity hollow points. High caliber bullets will go straight through. The low velocity 22 hollow points fragment inside the body and ricochet around tearing up the internal organs.

  2. CLH,

    Upon afterthought, a sucking chest wound would mean thorax cavity penetration. Hence diaphragm suction.
    Wouldn’t Saran wrap (don’t know what term is used nowadays, 44 years since boúght anything there) or equivalent plastic with adhesive airtight tape do for first aid?
    Of course lung damage worsens the outlook, then it is major surgery and bleeding risk in the little circuit.

    Why the term “center of mass” instead of an organ relative designation. Sounds weapon oriented to me.

    So how does a corpsman end up running a factory?

    Or were you on contract.

  3. The polo shirt won’t do them any good if they get shot in the head. Most assassins use a 22 at close range. Does the trick rather nicely.

  4. CLH,

    Sounds like somenone who’s been there.
    Proffs are you? We’re getting closer. When is your book gonna be published. As I vaguely remember (all is vague at my age) you speak a high level arabic, or was that somenone else.

    Or are you working at McD’s and doing the hero avatar here?
    Hee hee hee.

    BTW explain the wicking effect? Unless we are talking about major vessel trauma, and wicks would tend to aid like a compress instead. But never made it past reading it all as porno for those bitten by the medical bug.

  5. As someone who’s treated someone shot center mass with a 12mm round from an Iranian made heavy machine gun, bullets freaking hurt when they hit, even through two shirts, a ceramic plate, kevlar, and the stock of a M4. That polo, even a 9mm handgun is going to feel like a baseball bat. Heavy caliber rounds will break ribs. High velocity rounds will treat it like tissue paper. The worst case is when a high velocity round DOESN’T penetrate the armor, but pushes the fabric and bullet into a wound. Those are almost always fatal, due to a wick effect, and the difficulty of isolating a sucking chest wound. Then there are issues with infection. If you are that afraid of getting shot, wear a real bullet proof vest under a shirt. They even make them with integrated liquid cooling these days.

  6. I707,
    Back in the day, they used Hawken rifles for hunting large game such as moose, elk, bear and buffalo. The .54 caliber was the most common Hawken bore, but the smaller .50 caliber is no slouch. It will drop a full grown bison bull in its tracks.

  7. DrMike, you are correct. Even if the shirt stopped a large caliber round, it would be like getting hit with a baseball bat. I doubt seriously that such a shirt would stop many types of ammunition, but might reduce the tissue damage by slowing the round down as it penetrated the armor. There are many types of hunting ammo for long guns that would blow right through such a garment and exit the other side of the body. I have a .50 caliber Hawken rifle that shoots a gigantic Minié ball weighing a full ounce at more than 1,500 feet per second. I doubt seriously that this shirt would stop that, even though this is a rifle circa 1850.

  8. I’m thinking that a .44 mag round to the chest or abdomen, even if bullet-proof, would cause some serious damage. I’m no expert, but I would think that if the material on these shirts is flexable then a bullet striking would have enough kinetic energy to cause some…oh, whats the word…serious internal bleeding. Getting stabbed with a broomstick might not puncture the skin but it can cause some severe organ damage of you hit anything but a limb.

  9. Pretty soon we will all need one…. Unless attacked by a drone….

  10. Now who would want to take a shot at elites, the 1%?

    This is going to piss off some of them.

    just sayin’ …

  11. Might be useful for stopping low velocity rounds, but it’s still going to hurt like being hit by an enraged bull. Basically a polo flak jacket, not really bullet proof.

  12. For those with a lifetime of enemies behind them, a necessary garment. For young ones on thr rise, also….

    As for salsa, how about strychnine?

  13. Notice they do not suggest any protection from a round fired from a long gun. While kevlar can stop a .44 mag round out of a hand gun a .22LR from a rifle will penetrate it. So would that same .44 from a rifle, its all about velocity at that point. Thats why the military adds ceramic plates designed to stop rifle rounds. But that would be a bit bulky for an afternoon of gin and comas at the club.

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