Want To Slash the Budget? Vote Orc

Colleen Lachowicz is facing a truly bizarre attack campaign from Republicans in her campaign for the state Senate in Maine. The Maine Republican Party is warning voters that Lachowicz is really “Santiaga,” an Orc Assassin Rogue on the World of Warcraft. That’s right, the GOP has adopted an openly discriminatory policy against Orcs despite their legendary tenacity and frugality.

The Republicans insist that Lachowicz’s role playing amounts to a “time-consuming double life” since “Colleen is playing at level 85 — the highest level one can attain.” The GOP further adds that “[s]tudies have found that the average World of Warcraft gamer is 28 and spends 22.7 hours per week playing.” The attack ads also quote Lackowicz as saying “I stab things … a lot. Who would have thought that a peace-lovin’, social worker and democrat would enjoy that?!”

The campaign is premised on the notion that somehow people who play such games are weird and live in a fantasy world. They clearly have not looked at the number of people playing these games. There is a virtual army of Orcs that likely reside in Maine. There are an estimated 183 million Americans who play online games. Though I have never played the game, I would sooner cross a legion of Angry Birds.

As the website explains, “For an orc, personal reputation is as important as his or her clan, and most will fight to the death in defense of either.” Moreover, some common traits of the Orcs fits well with the GOP. For example, Orcs are “concerned with survival over artistic achievement” and thus would have no problem cutting the arts and PBS. Like both parties campaigning on social security and AARP issues, Orc society “reveres its elderly and honors its ancestors.” Finally, like the Bush Administration, Orcs “do not apologize for past actions.”

This is not the first attack on Orcs and the GOP in the Maine Kingdom should think twice before crossing these tough creatures:

The orcs once cultivated a noble, shamanistic society on Draenor. Tragically, the proud orc clans were corrupted by the Burning Legion and used as pawns in the Legion’s invasion of Azeroth. The orcs managed to rebel, however, and they were ultimately able to help turn the tide against their demon masters. Led by the young Warchief Thrall, the orcs have reclaimed their strength and honor. The orcs moved from the Eastern Kingdoms to Kalimdor, and there they founded the nation of Durotar.

This attack on Lachowicz by the GOP over her hobby brings a new low to an already disgraceful election season. I can think of a lot more harmful distractions. I suppose the Maine Republican Party wants candidates to pursue the traditional distractions of politicians supplied by lobbyists where the debaucheries are real and only the voters are treated as abstractions. I would rather have a social worker endorsed by “9 out of 10 Orcs” than another religious or anti-governmental crusader promising to reestablish primeval social order.

23 thoughts on “Want To Slash the Budget? Vote Orc

  1. bettykath, I’m a positive person and a gambler. I wager there are many things on which we agree. And, I’m being serious.

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