Science, Society

What Makes You Happy?

By Mark Esposito, Guest Blogger

happiness-in-intelligent-people-is-the-rarest-think-i-knowFor Ralph Waldo Emerson it was the triumph of principle. Washington found it inexorably linked to virtue, and George Bernard Shaw said it was “health and a course to steer.” Singer Cheryl Crowe said it is whatever doesn’t make you sad, and comedian Johnny Carson said it is “a tiger in your tank and a pussy cat in your backseat.” When  Jefferson wrote defiantly that we are endowed by our Creator with certain unalienable rights, he still only mentioned three:   “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”  Whatever happiness is, it is a common quest and virtually universally misunderstood in the cacophony of  money, sex, and digital splash that passes for it in the West. When parents are asked about the single most important outcome in their children’s lives the answer is invariably ” to be happy.”  Why then is the human feeling of  happiness so elusive in the modern world with all of our advances in science, technology, nutrition, medicine and standard of living?

Seize the moments of happiness, love and be loved! That is the only reality in the world, all else is folly.

~LEO TOLSTOY, War and Peace

The answer may not lie outside the human mind though undoubtedly external factors impact human happiness. The topic has been studied and the conclusions from the experts are surprising  — at least to many of us in the modern world. Let’s start with some basics. People are social animals. We know that isolated people rarely survive psychologically. Hence one of life’s greatest punishments is solitary confinement. We also know that acquisitions of things – money,power, prestige — doesn’t bring happiness. In fact as the Los Angeles Times pointed out (here), the reverse may be true in that happy people tend to attract wealth and all that goes with it. Finally, we know that we all want happiness and that we don’t consciously avoid the feeling.

So what then can get our dopamine going to produce that sense of well-being that we value. It seems three factors play a significant role according to documentary filmmaker Andrew Shapter, who produced the documentary Happiness Is.  Shapter piled his crew into an RV and went around America seeking the answer. After three years, his conclusions seem both simple and elusive in the modern world.

First, we need relationships and social ties. Family, friends, and acquaintances all contribute our well-being. While human conflicts among social groups are well-documented, the presence of strong family interaction still makes people happy.  It’s why we still all gather at grandma’s house for Thanksgiving dinner though we know Uncle Charlie will invariably make some statement to make us angry. Researcher Nic Marks of the New Economic Foundation cites research that says people in Western democracies who value money are less happy that those who value relationships. In fact, the happiness in valuing relationships extends beyond family ties into a connection with the whole community. Thus simply treating everyone with respect and dignity  — as we ideally would treat family — adds more to your own happiness than anything you could acquire. It’s outflow over inflow.

Second, we all need a sense of purpose. George Bernard Shaw may have crystallized the thought by reminding us that we need a course to navigate. Aimlessly wandering through our lives on some tropical beach may seem a romantic idea by freeing ourselves from responsibilities attendant to any important endeavor, but it seems that won’t make us happy for any length of time. MetLife Insurance Company working in conjunction with Richard J. Leider, author of  The Power of Purpose,  found that having a clear reason to live was the largest factor in “living the good life.”

That sense of purpose is “interrelated with vision — having clarity about the path to the good life and focus — knowing and concentrating on the most important things that will get you to the good life.” Over eight in 10 (82 percent) of those who feel their lives have purpose are living the good life compared to 35 percent for those who are not living the good life. (article here)

It was the master of psychology and the  greatest of Russian authors, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, who explained that, “The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.” (The Brothers Karamazov)

Finally, for happiness’ sake we need to care for others — and not just those with whom we have a relationship. The old adage about it being better to give than to receive may be a statement of selfishness, after all.  In The How of Happiness, Sonja Lyubormirsky, explains research into giving that benefited the givers more than the recipients.  A group of  women with multiple sclerosis  volunteered as peer supporters to other patients. Each volunteer received training in compassionate listening techniques and called the patients to talk and listen for just 15 minutes at a time. After three years researchers found that they had increased self-esteem, self-acceptance, satisfaction, self-efficacy, social activity, and feelings of mastery in their patients but more strikingly the positive outcomes for the volunteers were even greater than for the patients they were helping.

Aristotle understood the selfish component of giving. For the old Greek philosopher happiness was tied to self-dignity.   He said, “Dignity consists not in possessing honors, but in the consciousness that we deserve them.” Thus acquiring honors, money, and fame were of no value unless it was perceived by the recipient that it was honestly won. And winning them meant doing it on  a foundation of good character in service to others.

So what does make you happy? Can we find it  though good works, a sense of purpose, and strong family relationships? What do you think?

And remember, your answer means a lot. There’s a test on it  every day.

(Sourced Throughout)

~Mark Esposito, Guest Blogger

98 thoughts on “What Makes You Happy?”

  2. Writing without having read preceding comments.
    ======================================

    Don’t take this as praise, just an observation with a picayune of judgement.

    Messrs Messpo727272. Spindell, and Howington,

    You have provided an unforgettable weekend and a start for the New Year
    ===============.

    Mark,

    Examples that speak to me clearly. I would agree with all, except Aristotle, but I do that ofter, both him and Plato. All of us upon receiving praise or honors, know that somewhere we feel we are not due them. Only those with an obsession with honor above all would understand this feeling. For example see the Greek tales where honor comes before family.

    But this feeling of unworthiness is refuted by my gestalt psychologist.
    At every instance you are doing what you can do. Accept that as a fact. You are, that is enough. His words paraphrased.

    Next point:
    “The answer may not lie outside the human mind though undoubtedly external factors impact human happiness.”
    =======

    My take now is that we are a whole as gestalt is founded on, I believe. Ie body and mind.
    As such, we are an integrated organic being subject to the external factors of life as well as internal, from gas to heart failure. It is evaluated by the brain at some level, and who knows by the body directtly or by the autonomous systems themselves, which react do their jobs.
    .
    Autonomous systems control more than we think, far better than we could with our conscious mind with its single channel capacity: from the heart’s response to loading, to the need of mastering the muscle systems in effect on all its movements, not just bicycle riding. How many muscles there are in the body I don’t know, but the face alone has over 200. And muscles are organs operating as pulleys attached to different leverage points to create movement of tension. Try to control that with your conscious mind.

    It all is worthy of study and “we” are thankful for these words leading to happiness, however/whereever we look for it, and as you point out there are altruism which leads to benefit to the giver. Let us practice more. Perhaps it will have a great positive effect on us and our society, each and all parts.

    I don’t think the rich know that.
    =========
    PS There are rat experiments and are allegedly also
    said to be human ones (in fiction) that pressing a lever which delivers the “dopamine” reward, makes the need for food secondary. Food only is eaten if doing so gives a kick to the dopamine injection/shock, for each bite swallowed. Or so it is alleged.

    What results “pressing the lever” gave human subjects as to development is another tale.

  5. pete9999 1, January 6, 2013 at 5:40 pm

    i thought about posting the beatles, but given how lennon died i decided not to.
    ===========================================
    One man’s happiness is another man’s warm gun.

  8. i think you may be right about money not buying happiness, Gene. all that money mitt has and he just sorta looked constipated.

  10. i thought about posting the beatles, but given how lennon died i decided not to.

  13. Or perhaps, if you’re not depressed, you don’t really understand the situation?

  15. I guess I am happiest when I am with my family and/or friends. Working in the garden or walking the dog with the love of my life. I do agree with Gene that when an unjust circumstance gets turned around for the better, it makes my day! Of course, until I win the Powerball, I won’t know if money will buy you happiness!
    OS,
    Hang in there!

  16. One has to wonder about the “happiness” that exists within a bubble of loss of a sense of reality.

    Perhaps it should be called the myth of happiness?

    This scientist was happy for years as he promulgated falsehoods within a bubble, but then the woke up with a different “happiness”:

    … they play such a crucial role in our lives that scientists like Blaser have begun to reconsider what it means to be human.

    “I love genetics,” Blaser said. “But the model that places our genes at the root of all human development is wrong …”

    (Genes R us). One has to wonder, then, if happiness is like “intelligence” which one premier evolutionist calls “the lethal mutation” (What Kind of Intelligence Is A Lethal Mutation?). If so, then we could be mad to be “happy” under the circumstances of current civilization around us.

    Cave men, still inside the cave of the department of just us.

    Is there a “happy gene” or is “happiness” in today’s world conditions just another “lethal mutation”?

    So “happy” that what is happening around happy gene is irrelevant?

    Just sayin’ …

  17. I heard happiness described as “never knowing want”.

    Most people think that only refers to food or shelter, when it also means love and relationships. Note that it can also be interpreted has “having enough”, but not “having an excess”.

    >> Researcher Nic Marks of the New Economic Foundation cites
    >> research that says people in Western democracies who value
    >> money are less happy that those who value relationships.
    >> […] Thus simply treating everyone with respect and
    >> dignity – as we ideally would treat family — adds more to
    >> your own happiness than anything you could acquire. It’s
    >> outflow over inflow.

    Which is why many business people can’t understand why “goodwill” is worth as much as material assets.

    >> The old adage about it being better to give than to
    >> receive may be a statement of selfishness, after all.

    Or as the buddhists say, “The giver should be thankful.” If one has enough to give others when necessary, it’s a sign of good fortune.

  19. I learned that no one but me has the responsibility of making me happy. To put that responsibility on other people is doomed to fail. I have a lot of people in my life who enhance my happiness. I have some who make me sad; but, limit my exposure to those people. I get up every morning and make a conscious decision to be happy all day.

  20. Anon,

    Good to see you back…. Hey, there are some words you can’t use on here or your posts go into moderation….

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